Greetings and Kia Ora you wonderful people:

Our Newsletter travels far & wide:

We post to 900 kin/GRG’s and email 1023 to kin/GRG’s and others….but we have been told this is only the beginning of its journey. Many share with other kin/grand’s they know, CYF Social workers distribute to their clients, Community houses have it on their notice boards, Schools , Churches, Libraries carry copies, our Support groups co-ordinators distribute it to their networks, overseas sister organisations plus NZ organisations get this and in turn share it around through their networks. Other care agencies do the same for their whanau caregivers. Ministers in Government are also in receipt, and we even know of grand’s who download them to disc and share around….which makes one wonder in reality what would be the final numbers of this out there! Guess we will never know but this is so pleasing.

Our 0800 number:

Sorry folks, do not want to harp on about this again, but, this number is for Grandparent/Kin who raise full time only. We have very limited funding for this and it is unfair when major organisations are using this to conduct business. Please remember we are the poor cousins, not a million dollar company! This number is still being targeted by cell phone kids at school. This time both girls and boys are doing it. It happens in their lunch hour - usually 12. 50pm till 1.20pm, but also at 11.11am and 11.13am, we suspect these young girl’s are aged 11 or 12 years of age and they are using profanities.

Finally one hoax caller has been caught out, he comes from the Napier region and we now have, thanks to caller ID, his home phone number. His mother was spoken to and no, he is NOT being raised by his grandparents, (but one of his mates is) hopefully this mother (who was horrified) will sort this young teenager out. Now we are being targeted from the Auckland region on our 0800 number at some very early hours of the morning.1am-2.15am- 3.10am etc. Do these children not sleep!?

GRG Trust Association Membership:

This has taken another large jump upwards - we now have 2897 members.

Are Your Whanau/Grandchildren under CYF?

IE: they are under the care and protection of CYF (CYF have custody and or guardianship) have you been supplied the ‘Caregivers Manual’ from your social worker? If not, you need to ask for a copy. It explains the do’s and don’ts that you need to know.

Play ‘The Carer’ Premier Opening 31 March 2005:

Our North Shore City GRG support group Co Bonnie Williams was invited as a special guest to the premier of this play. She was presented with a bouquet of flowers and represented all Grandparents who raise their grandchildren, who are very special Carers.

Our Web Site: www.raisinggrandchildren.org.nz

Has new photographs added to the photo gallery main frame, of the Auckland wide GRG picnic, check them out by scrolling right down the page. Apologies that the bulletin board has been down this month It is having technical problems.

Calling Grandfathers:

Write or email us - we would love to include some articles in this newsletter from you.

We feel your pain:

To those grandparents who have had to give up their grandchildren that they’ve raised, for reasons of health or many other reasons, we feel your pain. For those of you who feel your grandchildren have been unjustly taken from you, we feel your pain: Just know and take solace, that in the time they were with you, you have put some ‘good’ J into their lives and they will remember. For those of you who are just beginning this journey into caring for a child you did not give birth to, or those that are in the Family Court system, we send you strength, aroha and remember a little humour does wonders.

Napier GRG Support Group - New Co-ordinator:

We welcome Kaye Dalamere she can be contacted on 06 843 9791.

Hastings GRG Support Group – New Co-ordinator

We also welcome Mike and Liz who will be a team in co-ordinating this group. Ph 06 874 7625.

My Grand-daughter Briar (9 years old):

She has excelled in Athletics this season. Her prize giving was Friday 15th and she came away with 1st over all girl in her club - most over all points for the 8th grade and most over all club points. This nana is one proud grandma. The icing on the cake came the very next morning when her little brother aged 5 got his very first Rugby try. Congratulations to both Briar and her younger brother and also to Grandma for her commitment and enthusiasm in running the children to these events.

Deaths of Parent/s via Accident:

A Grandparent reports: “Was wondering if you are aware that if parent(s) die in an accident the surviving children are entitled to a payout from ACC regardless of who they are living with. (Even, if they have been adopted outside the blood family.) The caregivers can also receive a weekly payment for ongoing expenses. This is on top of any ACC payment for funeral expenses. It was only by God's grace that we heard about this & were able to follow it through. Back-dated payments have been made to our son's children after sixteen months. ACC doesn't at this stage inform people about this (although it is in a brochure they hand out) and most lawyers and funeral directors don't seem to know about it. It might be worth passing on to GRG members.” Thank you for this information.

Disabilities Allowance:

If your grandchild has a disability - be it medical or physical you may be entitled to a Disability Allowance for them. Ask your family Doctor, Therapist or Mental Health worker. If you qualify they will sign and fill in a form for you to take to WINZ.

Carer Support Days:

Again if you are caring for a child who is under the mental health team or has high special needs you may be able to get Carer Support days, this means that the child is cared for by someone else, you get a break and the Health Department pays the respite carer. See your mental health worker or phone a disabilities service for more information.

Media and other:

Haven’t we been busy this month media wise? We were on National Radio for 25 minutes with Jill Worrall and Di. Plains 96.9FM in Christchurch with Marc Alexander’s radio show in Christchurch. Di and grand-daughter (13) traveled to Rotorua and met up with Shirley Faulkner GRG Co from Whakatane and then that night Di was guest speaker for a combined Rotary Te Awamutu and Rotorua meeting, then back to Whakatane for the night. Then local Whakatane Radio the next day, whew! Thanks to GRG Co Shirley for putting us up.

Ending Offending Together:

A combined staff team from the Department’s Puawaitahi centre of Auckland’s SAFE agency has collaborated to produce a new booklet on child sexual abuse, the people who commit it and how to stop it. The first chapters explain what child sex abuse is, common signs of child abuse and who sexually abuses the children, with further sections detailing what is safe and unsafe behaviour for adults around children. The subject matter is topical and pertinent. Starship Foundation has funded the first run and it is FREE of charge. You can order by calling the Department’s centre on 0508 FAMILY (0508 326 459) free phone.

Government Subsidy for under 7’s Eye Care:

This is a reminder that if you have a Community Services card, your grandchild 7 years and under is entitled to a government subsidy which will go quite some way towards the costs of eye examination and glasses. Make sure you ask your child’s optometrist about this when you make your appointment.

How can I tell whether my child needs glasses?

You can look for a couple of signs. Does your child move up close to see things? Does he have an eye that turns in toward his nose or out toward his ear? If so, he may need glasses. (Occasionally these are signs of a problem that requires vision therapy or corrective surgery.)

Also, a child who needs glasses may not respond to visual stimuli in normal ways. For example, he may not look up when someone enters a room, or he may fail to focus on the pages of a book while you're reading to him.

When children do need glasses, they're more likely to be farsighted than nearsighted, but vision problems are rare at this age. If your child rubs his eyes a lot, it's more likely to be because of allergies than a vision problem.

If you're concerned about your child's vision, make an appointment with an optometrist. Some private practices are particularly geared to working with children.

Auckland Region GRG’s:

We have available on a LOAN ONLY basis the following baby items: umbrella style stroller, cane bassinet (no mattress) 2 x highchairs, baby car seat, baby bath and door barrier. Please contact GRG office should you require to borrow these items.

IRD Rebate Claims due now:

You should have received these rebate forms to fill in and supply your school fee receipts for a tax refund, including child care, housekeeper payments. If you do not have these rebate forms phone IRD on free phone 0800 377 774 and ask for one to be posted out to you. You will probably need to supply them with your IRD number, so have it ready.

Schools & the right to Discipline:

A guide for parents and caregivers: “Schools and the right to Discipline” is a 48 page A4 booklet that answers questions on the rights and responsibilities of students, parents and schools. Subjects covered include: school uniforms, hair & jewelry, fee’s charges, discipline, truancy, searching of students, police involvement, special needs issues, questioning and interviewing, making and enforcing school rules, the role of the Board of trustees and staff, legal and illegal punishments and many other matters. For parents and caregivers there is no set charge but a donation would be very gratefully received. Orders to: Wellington Community Law Centre, PO Box 24-005 Wellington

Do your grandchildren know what to do should you suffer ill health or have an accident?

Do you as a family have a plan should the unfortunate happen? What would they do if they found you collapsed on the floor? As we age it would be wise to work together with the children on what to do. If they are young teach them to dial 111. Discuss with the neighbour would it be OK for the children to come to them for help. Whilst on this subject have you a family plan in case of fire, how to get out safely, and where to meet, once outside.

Littlies online Magazine…Free.

This magazine once you have registered will be sent to you via email. Practical parenting advice and many issues discussed. Register on www.littlies.co.nz

Update from Marlborough.

Ngati Apa Social Services’ programme “Te Matauranga o Nga Taua – The Wisdom of the Grandparents”, is well underway and growing. The second community seminar/hui Grandparent to Grandparent gave the grandparents present an opportunity to meet, re-energise and recharge. We enjoyed, and learned from a presentation by one of our members, on how in the most ordinary day, little things can build up to over flow point. From our guest speaker, we heard about and visualised the cycle of stress that we can all be subject to. We then brain stormed all the things in our red “stress pot” and all our skills and resources in our blue “de-stress pot”. We each took home our own little purple pot where we can store the healthy stresses that keep us going, along with the health giving de-stressors we use to keep us balanced. Most of all we talked to each other, shared food, some song, some laughter as well as some hard issues in our lives.

We are all looking forward to our next seminar on Tuesday 17th May. We will meet again in the Wesley Centre at 3 Henry Street Blenheim at 9:30 to 12:00 noon. Our topic will be “Coping with the Behaviours of the Hurting Child.”

Not only are our numbers growing, but so is our planning group which meets regularly between each seminar, designing and distributing our publicity, and planning together how we want the next seminar to be.

To any Marlborough grandparents who have missed our publicity, come and join us in May. We also run an individual support programme, so if you are facing some issues and need some ideas, we may be able to help. We offer a listening ear, some ideas, advocacy and support. Phone us, Rosemary or Karen, on 03 5788768.

New edition of ‘Help for Kinship Carers’ booklet: Released April 05

The latest edition is now on our web site. It is located under Kinship from the main frame. As new members come onboard they will be posted this along with our handbook and other info we send out. And this new publication states on page 2 “These benefits are not based on your income or any money the child gets from working after school or in the holidays.” (now read below)

Still our Children are better off in State Care:

Increase to Foster Care Allowance:

< 5 years (per week) $110.56

5-9 $129.85

10-13 $144.30

14+ $158.66

The rates for clothing, Christmas, birthday and higher Foster care payments will also increase because of the increase to the Foster Care Allowance.

And for Grandparent & Kin Carers:

Increase to Unsupported & Orphans Allowances:

<5 years (per week) $ 94.77

5-9 $118.88

10-13 $120.43

14+ $128.97

Care supplement also available only if you are the same Caregiver and only if CYF had care & protection orders on your whanau children or Grandchildren.

Why are our FAMILY grandchildren and whanau children discriminated against when they have suffered the same abuse and neglect as Foster Care children? The Government states their new package is called 'Working for Families’ well where do we fit in on this?

The GRG Trust has been informed that this Benefit may become asset tested.. More on this when we do some investigations. If you have received forms from WINZ asking for your income sources could you please let us know and from what region you are in, thus far we know of Christchurch and Rotorua. We have asked the question to the Minister but we have not had a reply.

Caregiver Courses for May 2005: Free

UPPER SOUTH
20 & 21
May

Westport
LI

LOWER SOUTH
5 & 6
May

Dunedin
UM

LOWER SOUTH
9 & 10
May

Ash/Timaru
MB

LOWER SOUTH
14 & 15
May

Balclutha
CI

LOWER SOUTH
20 & 21
May

Christchurch
SC

LOWER SOUTH
26 & 27
May

Alexandra
LI

NORTHLAND
21 & 22
May

Whangarei
FD

AUCKLAND
6 & 7
May

Waitakere
CI

AUCKLAND
13 & 14
May
Evening & Day
Auckland South
MB

UPPER SOUTH
19 & 20
May

Greymouth
CI

AUCKLAND
20 & 21
May

Waitakere
SC

AUCKLAND
27 & 28
May

Auckland South
FD

BOP/NP
5 & 6
May

Waihi
UM

BOP/NP
9 & 10
May

New Plymouth
CH

BOP/NP
11 & 12
May

New Plymouth
CI

BOP/NP
14 & 21
May

Hamilton
CI

BOP/NP
23 & 24
May
9.00 am - 4.00 pm
Tauranga
CH

EAST/WEST
19 & 20
May

Mast/Dann
CI

EAST/WEST
21 & 22
May
Fri night - Saturday
Horowhenua
UM

EAST/WEST
13 & 14
May

Nap/Hast/CHB
MB

Wellington Area
19 & 20
May
Evenings
Wellington
CI

These courses are FREE for any person looking after someone else’s child on a full time basis, and they are NOT just for Child, Youth and Family Caregiver’s only. The courses are fun to attend, and are a wonderful way to meet with other Caregivers. It doesn’t matter how long you have been a Caregiver – there is always something new to learn. Some support is available to help with childcare and transport costs. GRG Trust recommends these courses.

For bookings, please contact the Caregiver Training Coordinator directly:

Ph: (04) 913 2168

Fax: (04) 914 4473

Or contact the Training Coordinator direct on 0800 227 305 (0800 CARE OK), and ask to be referred to Maxine Carroll. We have become aware that some of these courses have changed so please confirm with Maxine when making your booking. See below for course coverage.

Induction:
- Provide an overview of the Caregiver role
- Provide sufficient knowledge for a Caregiver to begin providing safe care

Legal Issues:
- Know what the law is
- Understand the Children, Young Persons and their Families Act 1989
- Grasp the meaning of legal terms
- Understand court orders and care agreements

Health and Wellbeing:
- Know how different cultures think about ‘Family’
- Understand the losses suffered by children and their families, and how these can affect behaviour
- Grasp the importance of building relationships
- Put in place supports for healthy care giving

Managing Behaviour:
- Change behaviour by stopping the bad and rewarding the good
- Understand how labels we put on people change the way they behave
- Provide positive discipline, and not reward difficult behaviour
- Manage yourself and what triggers you off

The Older Child:
- Understand the typical patterns of physical, emotional, social, and sexual development of adolescents
- Know some of the signs of mental health problems
- Appreciate the rights and responsibilities of children and Caregivers when faced with school disciplinary actions
- Put in place supports for young people leaving care

Family/Whanau Dynamics:
- Understand different concepts of family/whanau across cultures
- Compare the differences between family/whanau and non family/whanau
- Understand the impact of the care giving experience on the whole family/whanau
- Identify the impact on the birth family/whanau of losing a child

Understanding Maltreatment:
- Identify personal and societal values and beliefs pertaining to the maltreatment of children
- Discuss the effects these values have on their care giving of children
- Identify signs of maltreatment
- Discuss your role in breaking cycles of maltreatment and keeping children safe

Safe Caring:
- Work through complications to make caring more rewarding
- Be aware of what might trigger allegations by children in care
- Develop strategies to stay safe
- Be aware of physical dangers and make your home safer

Non-violent Crisis Intervention:
- Demonstrate techniques effective in approaching and reducing the tension of an agitated person
- Focus on the alternative if a person loses control and becomes violent
- Control your own anxieties during interventions and maintain a professional attitude
- Maintain the best possible care and welfare, safety and security for all involved.

FAMILY MATTERS: The Best Ways to Respond to Biting and Hitting in Toddlers

by Cathryn Tobin, M.D.

Biting, hitting and pulling hair are common misbehaviours in preverbal children. When a toddler lashes out, she's telling you in the only way she knows how that something is bothering her. The problem may be that she's tired, bored, over-excited, confused, frustrated or hungry. Whatever the problem, there's no need to worry: Biting and hitting are not signs that your child is a bully, maladjusted, "bad" or angry, nor are they signs that you are a bad parent. Think of your child's behaviour as a form of communication. Learn to "read" the behaviour by asking yourself, "What's going on here?"

5 Ways Not to Respond to Biting, Hitting and Hair Pulling:

1. Don't bite back in the hope that it will teach her a lesson.
2. Don't send your child to her room for a time-out. This will only make the behaviour more attractive as the commotion created makes her feel more powerful.
3. Avoid lectures.
4. Don't suggest your child hit a pillow. You want to teach your child to solve her problems rather than vent her feelings.
5. Don't ask your child to explain her behaviour; focus instead on solving the problem.

7 Steps to Ending Biting, Hitting and Other Physical Offences Once and for All:

1. BE PROACTIVE. It's more effective to redirect a youngster than it is to punish her after the fact.
2. BE THERE. Don't give a biter opportunity to get in trouble. Stay by her side and intervene when you see trouble coming.
3. BE ATTENTIVE. Respond to the "victim" first. Apologize for your child. (Read below for how to treat human bites.)
4. BE CALM. Your child will learn more from this experience if she is reprimanded in a firm but neutral voice.
5. BE FIRM. Set your child an arms distance away and say to her, "Don't bite. Biting hurts."
6. BE REALISTIC. Have confidence in your child's natural goodness and in her ability to make positive changes -- but expect change to come about slowly.
7. BE APPRECIATIVE. Praise your child whenever she handles herself well.

Treating Human Bites

• Clean the area with soap and water and cover with sterile bandage
• If the skin is broken, visit your health care provider
• Gather and share information about the general health of the biter

TIP: Treat your child with respect, and she'll treat you (and others) with respect in return.

Assessing the severity of an asthma attack
· Mild? Short of breath, wheeze, cough, chest tightness.

· Moderate? Loud wheeze, breathing difficulty, can only speak in short sentences.

· Severe? Distressed, gasping for breath, difficulty speaking two words, blueness around the mouth. If the person has severe asthma or is frightened, call an ambulance on 111.

Sit
Sit the person upright and stay with them.

Treat
Treat with 2 to 4 doses of the blue 'reliever' inhaler or use this type of inhaler with a spacer.

Help
If not improving after 5 minutes, call the ambulance. Continue to use blue inhaler 2 to 4 doses every 5 minutes until help arrives. In this situation you will not overdose the person by giving them the reliever every 5 minutes.

Monitor
If improving after 5 minutes, keep monitoring. If necessary, repeat doses of blue inhaler.

All OK
When free of wheeze, cough and breathlessness, return to activity. If, symptoms recur repeat treatment and rest. See your doctor.

Dealing with teens
Adolescence, the period between childhood and adulthood, is often a difficult time, both for parents and their children.

This is when young people establish an identity of their own, separate themselves from their parents, and create significant relationships outside their own families.

Many parents experience 'mourning' for this loss of their child as they adjust to the moody, obstinate person who has taken his or her place. Teenagers may also be mourning the loss of their own childhood and family relationships of earlier years.

It is important to keep the situation in perspective. Adolescence is an essential rite of passage which every adult has been through. Think back to your own teenage years: How did you rebel? What were your clothes like? Did your parents complain about the music you listened to? (The Beatles, yeah, yeah, yeah) In short, were your experiences, attitudes and relationships really that much different from what's taking place with your own adolescent?

Parents' major task is to let teenagers grow up and become independent, learning to make the decisions that affect their own lives.

Limits need to be set, but within those boundaries there must be room for adolescents to spread their wings and get a sense of who they are and who they want to become. They will reject some excellent advice along the way - but that's part of growing up. Fortunately, many of the values parents instilled prior to adolescence will survive.

Below are some basic rules for parents that can help minimise the inevitable stresses that occur as teenagers assert themselves.

· Always listen, even when you're on different sides of the fence.

· Don't confuse the thing that bothers you with the person who has done it. At times you'll feel annoyed and angry by your teenager's behaviour. Every parent does. It doesn't mean you've stopped loving your youngster. It probably means exactly the opposite - that you care. Keep your anger focused on their actions, not on them as human beings.

· Avoid constant criticism, no matter how much your teenagers' behaviour or appearance annoys you. Ignore insignificant incidents. With bigger issues, let them know that although you disagree, you respect their right to hold a different opinion. Look for opportunities to pay honest compliments.

· Take an interest in what your teenager is doing. When disagreements arise, try to find a compromise both sides can accept. At worst, you should agree to disagree.

· Don't preach and don't nag. Be careful about saying things like, 'When I was your age . . .'. You probably had more in common with your teenager than you'd care to admit.

· Expect to become the target of blame - the one responsible for all their difficulties, not letting them grow up and have fun.

· Don't take most of this criticism to heart. And don't give up on your teenager. Teenagers are watching, listening and learning more than you may think.

· Extreme mood swings are quite normal at this age. Partly due to hormonal changes but also in response to the anxieties so common during this time of life.

By late adolescence most teenagers feel much more comfortable spending time with their parents. If you've treated them fairly and consistently, and given them room to grow, they will leave adolescence and enter adulthood with family ties intact.

Trivia:

Top featured Christian names for Grandmothers from our membership list: Sue* Margaret* Shirley* Ann(e)* Carol* Jan* Judy* Linda* Lorraine* and Mary.

· It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
· Butterflies taste with their feet.

· Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
· Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin. Quick - grab the duster!

· A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
· Bet you tried to lick your elbow….didn’t you.

· Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Keep smiling J J

It's raining, it's pouring it doesn't have to be boring!
· have on hand a rainy day box
Made up of scissors, glue, pencils, markers, crayons, tape, paper, notebooks, material scraps, buttons, string, old magazines, glitter, paint, etc. Create and make masterpieces!

· magic blanket time
Great activity to settle littlies down for awhile. Shake a blanket and say "magic blanket time" and spend the time having a picnic lunch, a snack, reading a story, playing a game or doing a puzzle together.

· skittles
You will need: 6 empty 2 litre soft drink bottles, lightweight plastic balls. This activity can be played inside or outside. Set up the bottles like bowling pins. Try and knock the bottles over from a short distance.

· sock toss game
Toss rolled socks into a laundry basket or bucket. Move the starting line further back as their aim improves.

· yes and no game
Play this game with your littlie and you will be expanding their vocabulary as well as having fun. You must answer a question without using 'yes' or 'no'. eg Are you three? I am three (not 'yes'). Tricky but fun.

· hide and seek
You will need: 3 plastic glasses, small toy/items to hide in the glasses. Place a toy under each of the three plastic glasses. Let your child watch you do it and then ask them to find each particular toy. You can also play this game with tea-towels. At first you may need to have part of the toy sticking out.

· balloon squash
You will need: balloon, water. Fill the balloon with water almost and tie up tightly. Let your littlie squeeze it and watch how the shape changes.

· squish it squash it
You will need: a plastic resealable bag, shaving cream, food colouring. Tint shaving cream with food colouring. Fill plastic bag and seal. Let your littlie squish and squash it!

· bubble bath fun
Let your child have a bubble bath in the middle of the day. Fill the bath with bath toys and plastic containers and implements from the kitchen. Ensure that the bath stays warm and closely supervise your child.

E te Atua, aroha mai..... O God shower us with love.

Ka kite

Di. return to top

Convenor and the team.