FROM: NZ National Office Convenor

SUBJECT: National Office NZ Report August 2007

Carer Data base: 3471

Recent Horrific Child Abuse cases:
The call has come from the politicians, as to “where were the extended family?” and from the media a Newstalk host has been screaming, “Where are the grandparents!” WELL HELLO!

News Release Dated 4 August 2007 - MEDIA RELEASE

We know where the grandparents are.
In response to the call by politicians and media “Where are all the extended family?”
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren™ Trust NZ (GRG) knows what happens when kin step up to help their families/whanau in crisis. Recent data suggests that 7000 kin are caring for in excess of 15,000 children. This data was released in April 2007 in response to the numbers recorded by Work & Income who are receiving the Unsupported Child Benefit released by then Minister David Benson-Pope. A huge contribution has already been made by extended families to keep at risk kin children safe with little financial and social support or regard for their own needs. Research undertaken by GRG Trust in 2005 presented many recommendations, in regard to achieving the welfare of these children and the families who support them and still nothing has been done.

Are you going away and leaving your grandchildren?
As we well know a lot of our children have suffered abandonment and therefore the thought of you perhaps taking a break will cause huge anxiety issues for them. What to do about it?
• Explain to the children that you are in need of a break away and leave them with someone they know who is safe, tell them that you know this person will take real good care of them, just as you would.
• If traveling overseas, go to your local Travel centre and get a book on the area you are planning on going to. With the child, get a map of the country you are visiting photocopied on an A4 sheet put NZ at the bottom, draw a line from NZ to country you are going to. Paste cut-out pictures from travel book on poster, i.e. we did Statue of Liberty for New York. Pictures of a plane and other relevant stuff can be added.
• Make sure you reinforce the fact that you will be coming back. Over and over again!
• Tell them that whilst you are away if the moon is out you will be looking at that same moon at say 7pm and get them to do the same. (yes, we do know you may be in a different time zone)
• Buy them a small angel from the $2 shop and tell them she will watch over them until your return.
• Attach poster on their room wall.
For some children it may be necessary even if you are just going away for the week-end and don’t forget to buy them something special. Be sure to notify Work & Income/CYF if you are going away (overseas), in advance not after the fact.

New GRG Support group: Kapiti Coast:
We welcome and thank David Johnsen for agreeing to facilitate this group. He can be contacted on (04) 902 2562 email djohnsen@paradise.net.nz

Your Words:
A: I’d like to take this opportunity to congratulate GRG and its members on the awards received - testimony to the fantastic and tireless job you all do to keep this organisation running. Thanks!! I really appreciate it :o)
B: Re the Mapihi Pounamu scheme I can confirm that it is available to all needy children as we received last year for our grand-daughter who is full European descent and this year we’re receiving it for the second child who Boards. We get a Grant of $7500.00 per annum towards her Boarding cost which pays for the largest part of the Boarding fees.
C: I have only just come across this web site and have found it extremely useful. I have also been in touch with the co-ordinator in my area. So from now on it is all good. For 4 years I have raised my grandson who is 7 not knowing we could get a UCB. Thank you so much.
D: We have just received our copy of the newsletter which we always await with anticipation, and we would really like to take advantage of the book offer: “To Grandma's House….. we Stay. We are actually great-grandparents raising our little great-granddaughter, and have just recently joined our local GRG Group. We have had our wee girl from the age of three months old and she is now 20 months. The help and advice we have had from yourselves and our local group has been absolutely wonderful! Constantly we are being challenged with new ideas and better ways of handling our grand-daughter - everything has changed so much from when we were bringing up our own children 45 years ago! Having said that, we are pleased to see that many of the old morals and ethics are re-emerging! A prime example is your article this month on Respect! Being in the age group we are, it is not an easy task bringing up a two year old (nearly!) and whilst we are very willing, we find it very hard on the body! Playing chasing after the evening bath whilst trying to dress her in her night clothes, is very difficult to bear after an already "full-on" day! We usually collapse into bed at 8.30! However, in spite of all that, we have a very bright 20 month old who can already count to ten, put small sentences together, distinguish circles and triangles, has a memory like blotting paper, and a little heart of gold! If she hears or sees another child crying, she races up to them to give them a "cuddle and a kiss". I guess this is where grandies are so useful! They have more time and love to give to these little people who did not ask to be born. We feel that although we may not live too much longer, we have given her the basics, and have planned for her welfare after we have departed this mortal coil. We have nothing but the utmost admiration for all of those grandparents caring and loving their children under the most difficult of circumstances in most cases. Even though you have days where you think you can't go on much longer, your little one keeps you going!

Learning Difficulties: www.lbctnz.co.nz
The term "learning difficulties" means a disorder in one or more of the basic processes involved in understanding spoken or written language. Put another way, it impedes the ability to store, process or produce information. It may show up as a problem in a persons ability to listen, think, speak, read, write, spell or do math’s despite having at least average intelligence. The term "learning difficulties" does not refer to people who have learning problems which are primarily the result of visual, hearing or physical handicaps, mental retardation, emotional disturbance or of environment culture or economic disadvantage. A "learning difficulties" can occur with or without problems in attention. It has been found that in all research results from the UK and Scotland that working with a child on a one to one basis is and has been very successful and implemented into the main stream education system in those countries. Children with learning difficulties benefit from remedial exercises given by qualified educators in a one on one sitting at school. Learning difficulties are caused by the brain - not vision. Remember, any therapist should hold a relevant qualification from a reliable institute. In addition they should have a referral service and provide access to a variety of reference materials. Many vision therapy methods have no medical basis and can even cause a delay in getting assistance that sufferers need.

We are grateful to the Learning and Behaviour Charitable Trust NZ
Wellington – Moira Buchanan – PO Box 40161, Upper Hutt.
New Plymouth – John Sulzberger – j-sulzberger@xtra.co.nz
Palmerston North – Philippa Brunn – wp.brunn@clear.net.nz

The facts of Life: By Mark Leishman
It’s the age old parent’s fear and dilemma. When to tell your child the facts of life: My tuppence worth.
Do it earlier than you think advisable, and make sure you do it before someone else gets in first.
Apparently children remember what they were first told and who told them. So as a parent if you miss the opportunity of talking to your child about the birds and the bees, and your child’s best friend passes on their version of the facts in all their gory detail, then that’s what they’ll remember… forever, or at least until their own experience increases their knowledge.
It seems the earlier you tell your child the better it is for both of you. For you it’s easier to explain because young children are less embarrassed by the detail. The older we get the more inhibited we become. The other tip is to stop your chat when your child starts to squirm and doesn’t want to know anymore.
We have a teenage boy, and a 9 year old daughter in the target market. They’ve been told the story and seem comfortable with it.

Invariably the questions come when you least expect them. Although our 9 year old daughter’s inquiry came while on the way to the hospital, to visit a family friend who’d just given birth. As my wife was parking the car, the question came. “Mummy, how did the baby get into the mummy’s tummy?”
So the visit to the friend was delayed 20 minutes while the detail was worked through. Our daughter seemed interested in finding out everything, while we remember our son wanting the basics and that was all as far as he was concerned. It seems that most boys can only take so much. Once they’ve got the basics they generally say “Too much information.” While girls take in as much detail as they can.
Through the ages there has been an assumption that boys should hear it from their Fathers, but I would suggest that the last person they want to find out embarrassing stuff from is Dad. They find it excruciating going through that process with "the old man".

I think it is vitally important these days to prepare your kids for the bombardment of images that they’ll face in their early lives. In this day and age with the sexualisation of children, particularly girls, on the Television, in Movies and Music Videos, and in Magazines, it is imperative that you start early. The rise of dodgy “role models” like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Brittney Spears, mean you have to be vigilant.
In music videos where scenes are so explicit and the words so raw, children need to be prepared.
It’s hoped girls don’t get confused into thinking the likes of Paris Hilton are role models worth emulating. And it’s important that boys learn to respect women and girls. I would suggest that the best way to teach your son to respect women and girls is to teach him to respect his mother and sisters.

When it comes to sex education, some parents prefer to leave it to the school to provide the information, but if you don’t feel comfortable with that you can find out from the school which year and which term they begin sex education and then you can prepare your child for it, so it’s not a complete shock to them.
It’s also a good idea to try to convince your children not to discuss sex with their friends. In other words you don’t want your child becoming the teacher, sharing this information with friends.

To finish, here are a couple of books that work really well in explaining the issues facing kids in a language that they relate well to. For girls you can try “Secret Girls’ Business” and for boys, yes you guessed it “Secret Boys’ Business” Both books are fun and easy to understand with lots of brightly coloured illustrations. Girls learn about changes that happen at puberty and it’s suitable for those as young as eight years of age. Secret Boys’ Business should be left in the bedroom of every boy at the same stage. Boys generally need information about their bodies and reassurance that what they are experiencing is normal. There are great tips for parents and teachers too.

So I wish you good luck with this momentous event.
To paraphrase, I guess you could say “it’s one small step for the future of mankind.”
Article The Facts of Life published July 2007
www.kiwifamilies.co.nz

Tough Love New Zealand – Embracing tough solutions together
Do you feel trapped, guilty, betrayed, helpless or frightened?
Are you struggling to retain control of your life and your family?
Are you troubled by the unacceptable adolescent behavior of your teenager?
TOUGHLOVE is a loving solution for families that are being torn apart by this unacceptable behavior. Families are lost and lives ruined by the lack of intervention and a false sense that there are no other families with similar experiences.
TOUGHLOVE is a non-profit, self-help organisation that provides ongoing education and active support to families, empowering parents and young people to accept responsibility for their actions and stop destructive behaviours.
If you are concerned, feeling scared, frustrated or confused, don’t give up. Take the first step and take action by attending a TOUGHLOVE parent support group. You will get 24/7 support from then on, if you want it.
TOUGHLOVE can give you no immediate answers to your problems, what we can do is show you that you are not alone, that you have rights and worth and you deserve respect.
WELLINGTON
Petone Community House, Brittania St, Petone
Time: 7.30pm - 9.40pm each Wednesday
RANGIORA
Methodist Church Hall, King Street, Rangiora
Time: 7.30pm - 9.40pm each Monday
CENTRAL CHRISTCHURCH
Knox Church Hall, 28 Bealey Avenue, Christchurch
Time: 7.30pm - 9.40pm each Tuesday
WAIHI (DAY)
Waihi Community Centre, Mueller Street, WAIHI
Time: 12.30 – 2.30 pm each Wednesday
HOON HAY
Rowley Community House, 59 Rowley Avenue, Hoon Hay
Time: 7.00pm - 9.10pm each Monday
NELSON
Parish Centre, Catholic Church, William Street, Richmond
Time: 7.00pm - 9.15pm each Monday
TAURANGA (DAY)
Toughlove House, Historic Village, 17th Avenue West, TAURANGA
Time: 12.30 – 2.30 pm each Monday
TAURANGA (EVENING)
Toughlove House, Historic Village, 17th Avenue West, TAURANGA
Time: 7.00 – 9.30 pm each Monday
YOUTH SUPPORT GROUPS
Teen Support Group
Toughlove House, Historic Village, 17th Avenue West, TAURANGA
Time: 4 pm Monday
Recovery Self Awareness Group
Toughlove House, Historic Village, 17th Avenue West, TAURANGA
Time: 6pm Monday

EPSOM
Athol Syms Community House, 11 Griffin Avenue, Epsom, Auckland
Time: Sundays 7.30pm to 9.45pm
NEW LYNN
1st Floor, New Lynn Community Centre, Totara Ave, New Lynn, Auckland
Time: Thursdays 7.30pm to 9.45pm
HOWICK
Howick Guide Den, 50 Vincent Street, Howick Auckland
Time: Thursdays 7.30pm to 9.45pm
MASSEY
Massey Community House, Triangle Park, 385 Don Buck Road, Massey Auckland
Time: Thursdays 7.30pm to 9.45pm
PUKEKOHE
Conference Room, Pukekohe Hospital, Tuakau Road, Pukekohe Auckland
Time: Thursdays 7.00 to 9.15pm
TAKAPUNA
Next to Takapuna Library, The Strand, Takapuna, Auckland
Time: Wednesdays 7.30pm to 9.45pm
HAMILTON WEST
Scots Church, Cnr Vardon Road and Cunningham Road, Hamilton
Time: Monday 7.30pm to 9.45pm
HAMILTON EAST
53 Wellington Street, Hamilton
Time: Tuesdays 7.30pm to 9.45pm
CAMBRIDGE
Old Maternity Home, 22a Taylor Street, Cambridge
Time: Tuesdays 7.30pm to 9.45pm
Phone Auckland 09 624 4363: Bay of Plenty 07 571 1503: Upper South Island 03 337 9452
One off lifetime cost of $40. We feel sure they would let you pay this off drip-feed if you are struggling.

What is the proper age to get married?
"Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." Judy, age 8

14 Year old grand-daughter:
Out of the blue said to her Grand-dad, “you know Pop I look up to you” without taking a breath he replied, “of course you do, I am taller than you” She roared with laughter as we all did, but we all knew what she really meant. J

A Grandmother’s Tribe
This film is due to be released as part of the DOCNZ Festival 2007, at all 4 NZ centers; Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch & Dunedin! It is the story of Grandmothers who have buried their children due to AIDs and now raise their grandchildren in Kenya.

“It is said in Hopi prophecy that when the Grandmothers speak, Peace will return to Earth”
Be warned if you are going to see this take a BIG box of tissues, particularly if you are a GRG.

Child’s logic: Home is where the house is -Age 6

Handy Hints from Parent Inc.
A: One of a parent’s most important jobs is to protect their children from harm. And this means that we do have to be alert, on guard and proactive when it comes to ensuring your children are safe – even with their friends. Don’t leave children unsupervised for too long. Have an open door policy – all doors are left open when children are playing in their rooms with others. Intermittently and regularly check on what they are up to. Be vigilant about what your children are viewing on screen and give your children phrases to use at other peoples houses. For instance, coach them with a phrase like “I’m not allowed to watch this or play that game.” Make sure your child knows the swimming suit role – “No touching where the swimsuit covers” and especially that there are no secrets in our house – “You can tell Nan/Pop/Aunty/us/me everything.”

B: Children love Dads who are firm, fair and friendly. Your children’s misbehavior might be because they are longing for you to be the big person in the relationship.
Yes you need to have fun with your kids, but don’t be fooled – kids want someone to care enough to insist on boundaries and rules. So don’t abandon your children to bring themselves up – set the agenda and lead lovingly! Remember Dads – the two best ingredients in parenting are warmth and structure.

C: You’re trying to get ready for work. Plus, you have to get the kids fed, dressed and loaded in the car. The key to getting the family organized in the morning is for you to be organized first. The difference you will find by getting up ten minutes earlier yourself will be felt for the rest of the day.
Lay the table the night before, have a whiteboard by the child’s bed with the five things they need to do to get ready. By being ready the night before you will often find that children will sleep better knowing that there will be a calm route through to leaving the house with everything they need.
And if you can – sit down to breakfast together – a great way to start the day!

What are your reasons for choosing a school holiday programme?
School holidays are looming AGAIN!
The type of holiday programme you choose will depend on your reason for wanting your child to attend.
You may choose to have your child/children attend a programme or you may have no choice, be a working family and need for your children to be cared for over the holiday break.

Holiday programme as a choice
If you are exploring the school holiday options out of choice then you may be looking for:
• A couple of days for your child to attend to prevent boredom
• An intensive sports training programme – soccer, swimming, horse riding etc
• A chance to try something new like arts and crafts classes.
Check in the school notices that your child brings home as the holidays draw nearer. There are often many activities and programmes advertised in the lead-up to the holidays. There is also the option of enrolling your child in a day or two of a school holiday programme run at the school. These programmes often allow students to attend on a casual basis during the holidays if there is the space. A good programme will organise fun, themed days for your child.

Holiday programme out of necessity
There are several options for you here. Most schools will have an after school and holiday programme affiliated to them. The chances are that if your child already attends an after school programme then that service provider will provide a similar sort of programme during the holidays. Watch out for school notices, ask the after school care coordinator or ask at the school office for details about these.
There will also be community organisations and/or church groups in your area that offer full time holiday programmes. For a working parent the choice of programme is particularly important as your child will be there for an extended period of time and the people running the programme are ultimately responsible for your child.
Things to consider when choosing a holiday programme
When making any choice about the care and education of your child it is always a good idea to visit the programme and meet with their coordinators before you enrol your child. If it’s an after school programme that is already running, visit during open hours, watch how the other children play, their behaviour and what types of activities they are busy doing.

Things to take note of:
• The interactions between the adults and children in the programme.
Are they responding well to one another and do they all seem happy and relaxed in one another’s company?
• The children at play.
Are they all happily occupied and being catered for?
• The supervision of the children.
Does the number of staff mean children are all able to be supervised? There should be no more than 10 children per adult.
• Behavior issues.
Are any behavior issues dealt with in a calm and firm manner? What forms of discipline are used when a child misbehaves?
You’ll know if something seems amiss. Try to envisage your child in that environment doing those activities and you’ll soon be able to gauge whether or not it’s the place for them.
It is also your right to know and understand other policies the programme is governed by - things like how discipline is dealt with, emergency procedures, staff selection and so on. For more information on these aspects read the OSCAR article in our Education section.

OSCAR Programmes
What is OSCAR?
OSCAR stands for Out of School Care and Recreation. The OSCAR Foundation grew out of a recognized need for a national body to provide coordinated support and advice to the OSCAR sector, with the aim of ensuring that all New Zealand children have access to quality, affordable after school, before school and holiday programmes. It now represents, promotes and provides quality support to OSCAR programmes nationwide by providing a range of services including advice, resources, training, newsletters, conferences and events. OSCAR programmes are operated independently of the OSCAR Foundation.

What does it mean for a holiday programme to be an OSCAR?
Not all school holiday programmes are OSCAR programmes. Those that are have undertaken an Approval Assessment by the Department of Child, Youth and Family Services (CYF). This means they have met a series of minimum operating standards which cover the areas of programme environment, programme operation, health and safety, child protection, supervision, emergencies, staff, buildings and facilities, record keeping, finance, and camps (if applicable). They are assessed by CYF every two years to ensure they continue to meet the Standards. However, there are no legal requirements for OSCAR programmes to meet any childcare regulations or standards of care. It is important that you as a parent check that a programme has 'CYF Approval for OSCAR services' to ensure that your children are getting a good level of care.
Choosing an OSCAR programme allows you as a parent to apply for an OSCAR subsidy for the cost of the programme. See OSCAR article below.

What is a holiday programme likely to cost?
This is not an easy question to answer. Programmes vary so greatly. If you are choosing an intensive sporting or art/craft type programme that requires specialist teaching or coaching you may be paying $25 - $30 a session. This will depend on the region you are in and the programme you choose.
The full-time holiday programmes will also vary depending on who is providing the service, and whether you are able to apply for the OSCAR subsidy. A ball park figure for full time holiday programmes is between $25 - $35 a day. Again this is dependent on the region in which you live, the service provider and activities undertaken.

Other school holiday options
School holiday programmes are not the only option for your child. If there is a need for you to have your child cared for over the break you may choose to have another adult care for them, or an older child.

Leaving your child with another adult
You may have a regular arrangement with a friend or family member. Spending time with other adults who love and care for them can help your children develop confidence and security. It is a viable option during school holidays. You need to feel confident about the care they receive from other adults. You are entrusting your beloved child to the care of another person. It is your responsibility to choose that person wisely.

Ask yourself these questions:
• Do I trust this person to take good care of my child?
• Will my child be happy in the care of this person?
• Is this person used to caring for children of this age?
• Will there be things for my child to do at this place?
• Does this person have any problems – like health problems, other commitments, or abuse of drugs and alcohol – that might get in the way of their giving the care that my child needs?
• Is this a safe place for my child?

Leaving older children at home alone
Leaving children at home alone during the holidays is not an option you should consider until your child is at least 14 years of age. Most children are not sufficiently mature to be left alone without adult supervision before this age. They are also not old enough to be left alone on a regular basis. Leaving an older child at home alone after school for a couple of hours a day is a far cry from them being home alone for full days, two weeks in a row over the holidays. Leaving your child at home alone over the age of fourteen is a decision only you as a parent/caregiver can make. Here are some points to consider when trying to decide:
• Is my child sufficiently mature and responsible to be left alone at this time?
• Does my child feel happy and confident about being left?
• Is the situation reasonably safe?
• Can my child handle any problems that might arise?
• Is there a situation that could possibly arise that they might be unable to handle?
• Is there someone reasonably close by who could help them if the need arises?
• Does he/she know how to contact that person, and in a hurry if need be?
If you do make the decision to leave your older child home alone make sure they know where you are and how to contact you. Talk to them about possible emergencies and check that they know what to do. Make sure that they feel confident about being left alone. Making the right decision about this is one of the most serious responsibilities that a parent faces.

Are there subsidies for OSCAR programme?
Your income, excluding UCB is counted for these subsidies (your assets are not)
There is a Work and Income OSCAR Subsidy which helps with the costs of before and after school care, and care during school holiday programmes for school children aged between 5 to13 years.
The subsidy is part of the Working for Families package which is delivered by Work and Income and Inland Revenue. It pays extra money to many thousands of New Zealand families in a bid to make it easier to work and raise a family. The subsidy is only available if your child is attending a service that has CYF Approval for OSCAR Services. Parents and caregivers can apply for the OSCAR Subsidy if they are in paid work (part time, full time, casual or short term), work night shifts, are training, are doing another work-related activity, are seriously ill or disabled, or have a child with a disability. The amount of assistance you can get depends on the number of children in your family and the amount of income you receive. Greater financial support is available for almost all families (with children) earning under $45,000 a year and many families (with children) earning between $45,000 and $70,000 a year. For more information about these subsidies or your entitlement to them visit www.workandincome.govt.nz. Or phone 0800 559 009. And yes you can access OSCAR if you are getting UCB.

The Complex Carers Group has been established to link families & whanau caring for someone with multiple disabilities. We are aware that a number of GRGs are raising children with severe needs.
Families and whanau caring for someone with high needs often become socially isolated, and are at high risk of burnout. In 2003 a group of parents and supporters involved in the Just Surviving research report, established a network to link those in stressful caring situations and learn more about ways to help them cope better. The Complex Carers Group is a milestone within the New Zealand Disability Strategy. The development of the partnership, between carers of people with complex needs, the Ministry of Health, and the Wilson Home Trust, is an acknowledgement of the expertise within the disability sector. This expertise has been combined to achieve results which will provide comprehensive networking for carers, and yield a collection of quantifiable research results for the MOH. These results will assist the development of future services for people with complex care needs. The Complex Carers Group is one of four Alternative Funding Projects which aim to develop networks and reduce isolation; ensure carers have easy access to important information; and help carers develop and increase their skills. Objective 15 of the New Zealand Disability Strategy recognises the role and contribution of family and whanau carers in New Zealand society. It has become an integral goalpost in the development of policy and services for children and young people with high and complex needs. Complex Carers Group coordinator Jan Moss -- who represents high needs families on the steering committee of Carers New Zealand -- says the initiative is in keeping with the implementation of the new Strategy. Following the Just Surviving review, the need for a national network of carers who had a child with multiple disabilities, requiring complex care, was identified. It was also obvious that there was little information available about this group of children and adults aged 0 to 65, which made it difficult for both funders and providers to develop services to meet their unique needs. The Complex Carers Group aims to support carers, provide targeted advice to the Ministry of Health about relevant issues, and act as a collective voice for carer concerns. Information, news, and other resources from the Complex Carers Group are available at www.carers.net.nz. Carers of people with complex needs who would like to know more about the Complex Carers Group, can send an email to jan@carers.net.nz

Today is your 36th birthday
We do not know where you are
Are you near or are you far
I gave birth to you, so beautiful and bright
You were your father’s and my delight

You grew doing all the things little girls do
Happy in life, friends more than a few
Dance and netball you did excel
What happened that broke this spell

As you forged into adult life
You found a lot of strife
First it was just the weed
Your friend became what you called speed
Then you did far worse things
We prayed to the Lord for angel wings

Babies you produced at a great rate
Total number came to eight
Scattered everywhere they became
My tears, they feel like rain

For only three I could manage
And there is so much damage
Still, I grieve for the other five
As into the world they must strive

Today is your 36th Birthday

New GRG Support group: Kapiti Coast:
We welcome and thank David Johnsen for agreeing to facilitate this group. He can be contacted on (04) 902 2562 email djohnsen@paradise.net.nz

Di & Team
National Convenor and the team.