Greetings, Kia Ora koutou katoa hope this finds
you all well.
Kaikohe GRG’s: There are a number of grandparents raising their
Moko in this area. One of them would like to call a coffee/tea meeting,
please phone Wai Kaihe on 09 401 1002 to find all the details, eventually
we are expecting this to become a Kaikohe GRG Support group.
Ashburton GRG Support Group (new): Helen Byron is the new GRG Co for this area Ph
03 3037253 email helenbyron@clear.net.nz They meet every 2nd week
at Presbyterian Support Centre on Tancred St in Ashburton at 9.30am
the next GRG meeting will be 10th September 08
Huntly GRG Support Group Meetings: 24 Sept, 22 Oct, 26 Nov 2008 from 10am to 12noon
at the Community House, William Street. Contact Lodi on 07 828 6123
or Doreen on 07 828 8555
She’s 17: Where has time gone? She turned 17 and wanted
7, yes 7 friends over to stay, as it turned out only 5 arrived.
I said I would cook for them and asked what they wanted. Roast chicken
and veggies came the reply, (what no KFC?) so the task began with
her right alongside helping out. The table was laid with best china
and long stemmed glasses for the sparkling grape juice. The fire
was lit and us as grandparents became the waiters. We retired to
another room and left them to it. The laughter and talk echoed through
the home as knives and fork clattered upon the plates. Each and
every one of them cleared the table when finished and all declared
dinner was yummy. They settled down with videos, chocolate and coke.
We retired about 9pm fully thinking that we would be up to tell
them to quieten down, but no, all was quiet. The next morning we
were up early expecting to have to clean up a mess, but no, the
home looked like the elves had been in to clean up. Late next morning
sleepy girls arrived in kitchen and pancakes were the order of the
day. She unashamedly threw her arms around my neck, kissed me on
the cheek and said, “my nanny” what more could one ask
for. I will share one more thing with you, the other week we were
chatting about how long she had been with us and she said, “thank
God you took me in otherwise I probably would have beep in a doorway
smoking P” Makes it all worthwhile, doesn’t it! Nanny
S
Young Grand-daughters school speech project: You have just finished PE and you run to the
taps, twist the handle and out comes water!
Hi my name is **** I will be talking to you about what the perfect
school would be like.
On a cold winters day in the middle of school it is
hailing hard ice.
Wouldn’t you rather it would be m & ms? And as for the
taps at the beginning wouldn’t you like it if it was coke
or Fanta and don’t get me started on the swimming pool of
chocolate, with bits of lollies floating around it, like those chocolate
swirls in the ice cream tubs at the diary. The strict teachers would
be made out of cardboard, to throw darts at, and the nice teachers
would give out ice cream, lollies and chocolate each day. Of course
you would not get any homework you could just relax on the beach,
and if you did get any homework it would just be walking the dog
or going to the local park. The school would be made of candy floss
and it just happens to disappear when children get hungry…
PE would be to keep you healthy but the games would be the best
ever. You’d just ice-skate, climb trees and bungee jump. If
it’s a cold cloudy day, it would only be cold because the
clouds would be made of ice cream for the sun to melt, it will just
eventually drip down to the ground in warm globs and land on some
lucky person out there. Bye, Bye boring old school days. Instead
the normal boring trees we have now, they would be better made of
chocolate logs as trunks, mint chocolate leaves, that will melt
in your mouth. Don’t forget the gummy bears that like to play
in the leaves. Here’s a nice list of what school can be turned
into:
Icing sugar for snow: Snowmen of marshmallows: Grass which was now
lime jelly: The desks are just chocolate slabs: The ink in pens
is caramel so you can suck on the pen during class.
And as for the dental nurse she would have no job because as always
our teeth would be sparkling white. RIGHT! We would have no teeth
at all!
Thank you for listening to my speech and please stop drooling you
will give the cleaners a hard time. Arrh, the world of a child.
return to top
The Bottomless Pit: She is 14 and very demanding, one can not go
into any shop with out hearing ‘nanny can I have this, can
I have that’ So we have a new programme going called ‘Wants
and Needs’ If it is a need, we pay, if it is a want, she pays
from her money she has earned from doing chores, Yes it still is
a challenge but wants and needs are repeated over and over again.
We also do not listen to ‘why can’t I have it, everyone
else has one’. Nanny Jo
A cost saver I practice, cutting plastic tubes
diagonally in half, to facilitate getting every last gram of the
contents out. You will be surprised how much is left in there!
Reflections: 67 yrs ago at this time I was beginning a journey
that no little girl should have to live...the gift I glean from
it, is that it has created a special person and for that I am grateful.
Life today: My grandchildren stayed for another
day and/then went home to their mother. They said they would bring
me a gift next time. I told them I had gotten the best b'day gift
ever, they asked what that was..."spending this time with you
two "was my reply. That made their dear wee faces light up.
The urgency I often feel to "fix" their lives for them
is less; I have learnt to live with the situation, knowing I did/do
the best I could/can for them and still do. That my constant love
and guidance will see them through until they can make the decision
to leave their mother when they are old enough (just as their older
brother did).I must trust this process and get myself as well as
I can. They tell me things are much better now. *** is sad and doesn't
understand why I didn't (her words) "smack her mother"
for abusing me....I explained the best I could, hopefully teaching
her about anti violence etc. She has been trying to mend the rift
and got into serious trouble for it, and now says she will never
say anything to her mother again about me, poor wee thing. I gave
them lots of cuddles, showers with my special soap and shampoo,
did their hair, and we made wonderful food. I have been explaining
to them that we can't change other people but we can change how
we react to them and how to do that and how to keep them selves
safe from abuse of any kind...especially the verbal stuff. That
it isn’t been seen as traitors (which they felt) to not take
granny’s side against their mother (my daughter) and step
father. It is being wise to be quiet and talk about it here, so
long as it’s let out, I believe they will be Ok...
I actually did too much yesterday and came very close to moving
out of remission. I dislike that feeling sooo much, and it took
a lot of discipline to bring it back to almost "normal".
Straight onto my bed as soon as the children, caregiver and social
worker had gone. All too much, however I needed to see and spend
time with the kids and it was unexpected that they could stay another
night....then up and out in the sun and wind for a ride on the mobility
scooter and get some stores in as we have had another storm warning.
Caregiver back with my evening meal, which I only could pick at,
watched TV for an hour. I went to bed at 9?pm last night, and slept
to 3am-6hrs sleep is very long for me I still have no headache however
a slightly "bruised" sort of feeling is hanging there.
I look forward to another healing session on Friday.
My sister and her partner, and little dog arrive today to spoil
me. Ahhhhh I am relaxing into that thought as I write with a soft
smile on my face and in my heart. Grandma G.S.
When the Bonding Cycle Is Broken
/www.attach-china.org
"Attachment Disorder is developed when
children . . . do not form a trusting bond in infancy and early
childhood. A lack of trust generates feelings of aloneness, being
different, pervasive anger, and an inordinate need for control.
A trusting bond is essential in continued personality and conscience
development, and serves as the foundation for future intimate relationships."
Reprinted from Attachment, Trauma, and Healing, by Terry M. Levy
and Michael Orlans
"Most professionals who work with and study the process of
bonding and attachment agree that a child's first eighteen to thirty-six
months are critical. It is during this period that the infant is
exposed in a healthy situation to love, nurturing, and life-sustaining
care. The child learns that if she has a need, someone will gratify
that need, and the gratification leads to the development of her
trust in others." return to top
________________________________________ The Bonding Cycle Prior to gratification, frustration is heightened.
It is during this frustration that the foundation for delaying gratification
is laid. This is critical learning with lifelong implications.
During the delay after her first cry, the infant
may become increasingly angry or rageful; her state of arousal is
high. it is at this point that she is receptive to her parents'
gratifying efforts, which include touching, smiling, rocking, feeding,
changing, making eye contact, and vocal soothing. Presenting a valuable
opportunity for attaching between parent and child, these acts allow
the child to begin to trust that her parents can and will care for
her and protect her. The cycle is repeated thousands of time in
the first two years of an infant's life, forming the foundation
of every other developmental task of human life. This is not to
suggest that later events will have no bearing on the course of
a person's life. Instead, it is to say that without the successful
completion of this cycle at some point, it is doubtful that an individual's
growth will proceed normally without specific therapeutic intervention.
Failure to complete and repeat the bonding cycle leads
to serious problems in the formation of the child's personality
which, in most cases, will have lifelong implications. When the
bonding cycle is interrupted problems arise in these areas:
• Social/behavioral development
• Cognitive development
• Emotional development
• Cause-and-effect thinking
• Conscience development
• Reciprocal relationships
• Parenting
• Accepting responsibility
The child who has experienced abuse, neglect . . . has a limited
range of emotional responses. She frequently attempts to disconnect
from her most uncomfortable feelings specifically, sadness and fearfulness
because they make her feel vulnerable and weak. In trying to escape
these feeling, she often heightens her arousal with anger.
Anger for her feels strong. It is familiar. Better
still, it acts as an emotional anaesthesia. Anger is a friend that
can be called upon whenever the child is feeling weak or powerless,
or sad.
We have focused primarily on early neglect and
abuse, because that is the most damaging. A child who is abused
after the age of three will be traumatized, and may have problems
as a result, but she will not be hurt in the same way as a younger
child. Once developmental progress has been made, it cannot be undone.
It is the abuse and neglect that occur during the early stages of
personality formation that cause the deepest damage. Imagine the
stability of a skyscraper built without a foundation and you begin
to see the fragility of a child denied the right to a healthy start.
Reprinted with permission from Adopting the Hurt Child. Hope for
Families with Special-Needs Kids, Gregory C. Keck, PhD, and Regina
M. Kupecky, LSW, Pinon Press
return to top
Causes of Reactive Attachment
Disorder:
Where is the Attachment Break?
• Abuse and/or neglect
• Physical loss of a parent due to
- adoption (even on day 1)
- death
• Multiple caretakers
- no opportunity to attach or attachment is disrupted
- orphanage
- foster care
• Emotional absence or unavailability of a parent due to
- post-partum or chronic depression
- chronic pain
- intergenerational RAD
• Temporary separation due to hospitalization
- pre-mature infants
- medical problem of parent in first two years of child's life
• Invasive or painful medical procedures
• Chronic, unrelieved pain in child
- colic
- undiagnosed medical problem
• Mother's poor prenatal care or prenatal alcohol or drug
exposure
• Mother's feelings of rejection for fetus
• Neurological problems
return to top
Types of Attachment
The Attachment Classification Continuum
The attachment continuum ranges from secure
on one end to unattached (severe disorganized attachment) on the
other end. In addition, each attachment classification or style
can range from mild to severe. That is, you may have an attachment
style of insecure-avoidant which is mild, moderate or severe.
There does not seem to be a consensus of opinion among attachment
therapists as to which attachment classifications constitute Reactive
Attachment Disorder (RAD). Some believe that any insecure attachment
is considered RAD. Other therapists are of the opinion that only
disorganized attachment is considered RAD, and that a person with
avoidant and ambivalent attachment styles would be considered to
have "attachment issues." However, even those children
with moderate to severe "attachment issues" or "impairment"
may have behaviors which are unhealthy and extremely difficult to
live with. Therapy can be extremely beneficial.
It is important to keep in mind that an attachment impairment, left
untreated, is likely to get worse. Children who have even mild disorganized
attachment, if left untreated, are likely to develop borderline
personality disorder as adults and have difficulty parenting their
own children. Those children who are on the moderate to severe end
of the disorganized spectrum must have therapy to avoid developing
borderline or antisocial personality disorder and to stay out of
the justice system.
In the early 1960s, Mary Ainsworth did studies with babies in what
was called the Strange Situation. She described 3 types of attachment:
Secure, Insecure/Anxious or Ambivalent and Insecure/Avoidant. Later,
in 1986, Mary Main and Judith Solomon identified an additional category
of insecure attachment, which they called Insecure/Disorganized. Secure: One who seeks his/her primary caregiver when
distressed; is easily comforted; can become absorbed in play; is
curious and responsive to environment. Insecure/Anxious or Ambivalent: These children alternate between seeking proximity
and resisting contact; they have problems directing attention to
the environment; anxiety and fear is prominent. As they grow older
the insecure/anxious child is likely to be clinging and shadowing
with adults; whiny, dependent and demanding; eager to please; intrusive
on adult space; pouty when limits are set; have excessive separation
problems and to lack confidence. They easily feel rejected or betrayed
and exhibit regressive or immature behaviours when craving love
or affection. Although they are likely to sabotage the relationship
when parents are feeling emotionally close the child tries to engage
the parent through manipulation when the latter is distant. Insecure/Avoidant: These children are friendlier with strangers
than with parents; they do not look to caregivers for comfort; they
pay more attention to the environment than to people. Gradually
they become hostile and distant with peers and teachers alike, socially
isolated, less compliant with rules, and more expressive of negative
emotions. As they grow older, these children are frequently very
independent; sullen and oppositional; not likely to seek help when
injured or disappointed; angry and distant; lacking in empathy;
omnipotent in their approach to the world and rejecting of nurturing.
Avoidantly attached children are disproportionately represented
in samples of abused or neglected children. Insecure/Disorganized: These children may show some features of all
other categories; they alternate between clinging to and avoiding
or fighting with parent; they approach parent with head averted;
they may have stereotypic rocking motions; undirected expressions
of fear or distress; expressions of confusion and apprehension (such
as hand to mouth movement) upon entrance of parent; dazed, expressionless
affect; prone to destructive behaviours towards self and others,
especially animals; exhibit extreme control problems.
These are the classifications as defined by Martha Welch, MD: Secure: What a securely attached child - OR ADULT - looks
like: competent, self-confident, resilient, cheerful much of the
time, anticipating people's needs (not from a co-dependent place),
empathic, humorous, playful, tries harder in the face of adversity;
not vulnerable to approach by strangers because won't go to strangers
(as adult, out-going without being foolhardy), good self-esteem,
achieving, able to use all mental, physical, emotional resources
fully, responsive, affectionate, able to make deep commitments as
appropriate, able to be self-disclosing as appropriate, able to
be available emotionally as appropriate, able to interact well with
others at school and in jobs/careers, likely to be more physically
healthy throughout life, self-responsible, giving from a "good
heart" place of compassion, has true autonomy, no co-dependent
self, because of well developed internal modulation system, less
likely to turn to external "devices" (addictions) to modulate
affect Resistant: What this child - OR ADULT - looks like: clingy,
sometimes rebuffing, or clingy and rebuffing, tense a lot (the physiology
of stress = the physiology of separation), impulsive - the mother's
presence modulates the child's physiological state, which helps
them control their behaviour, passive, defeatist - not trying harder
in face of adversity, volatile temper tantrums - always a symptom
of attachment strain, difficulty making commitments and following
through, difficulty in school and at work, irritable, reactive,
more likely to engage in high risk activities (takes up more dangerous
hobbies), more likely to depend on external modulation devices to
control affect, more likely to develop a co-dependent way of giving
and relating to others (I'll take care of you, if you'll take care
of me), not fully self-responsible, at risk for more physical illness
throughout life.
Avoidant: What this child - OR ADULT - looks like: actively
hostile, bullying, whiny, needy but distant, compulsively self-sufficient
- "I don't need you", not able to give and take - can
take in negative ways but not "receive" as part of reciprocal
cycle, unable to make commitments, isolating/withdrawing, difficulty
developing and maintaining good relationships, can go as far as
to be sociopathic - a "user/taker" in the world, blames
others for self-mistakes, not self-responsible, unable to show affection,
easily angered (affronted) - takes others' actions personally and
may seek revenge, often depends on external modulation devices to
control affect (esp. alcohol/drugs), often engages in dangerous
hobbies; prone to physical illnesses throughout life.
Disorganized: Often this crosses all three other types What this type of child - OR ADULT - looks like:
depressed, inhibited, when they start crying it's hard for them
to stop - they don't get comforted, anxious, clingy - to anybody
- so are vulnerable to stranger abuse, unachieving, unmotivated.
As adults, they are more likely to be seen in doctors/therapists
offices for depression and anxiety disorders, more likely to need
external modulation of affect, i.e. anti-depressant/anxiety medications,
more prone to physical illness throughout life, difficulty maintaining
relationships - much self-doubt and "who would want me"
thinking".
As Grandparents or kin caring for children, we need to become educated
on the above issues, the more we learn the more we can understand
and hopefully help those we love and keep our own sanity return to top New Auckland Clinic:
At the recently launched Leapfrog clinic, a highly
trained specialist psychiatrist and her team see children, young
people up to the age of 21.
We assess and treat difficulties including:
• ADHD
• Anxiety
• Autism and Asperger’s syndrome
• Behavioural problems
• Depression
• Eating disorders
• Obsessive compulsive disorder
• Post traumatic stress disorder
• Self-harm
• Tics and Tourette’s syndrome
Our assessments take 90 minutes which includes a full medical examination
by a child and adolescent psychiatrist. These people are also qualified
medical doctors, and if necessary there will also be tests to investigate
for conditions like epilepsy, diabetes or an overactive thyroid.
Within 7 working days of your Leapfrog assessment you and your referrer
will be posted a report. These are usually several pages long including
a description of what the underling difficulties are, what has triggered
this particular problem and what is keeping it going. The report
will also include a list of treatment recommendations. These may
include medication, individual, couple, families, and group therapy.
Most of the treatments we offer involve talking and thinking about
things in a different way, but there is often also a role for medication.
All treatments are based on robust scientific evidence.
Our team includes:
• Consultant child and adolescent psychiatrist. This is a
medical doctor with specialist postgraduate in psychiatry, and further
specialist training in assessing and treating children and young
people with emotional, behavioural and psychiatric problems.
• Clinical psychologist. A Clinical Psychologist has a psychology
degree with postgraduate training in assessing and treating emotional
and behavioural problems.
• Qualified nurses with child mental health training.
All our clinical staff are trained in evidence-based
therapies, including cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) and systemic
family therapy.
Most appointments take place at 88 College Hill Ponsonby Auckland.
If it is more appropriate we will visit you at home or school, sometimes
with professionals from other agencies like your child's school
to help resolve issues.
We welcome referrals from families themselves, GPs, school guidance
counselors and other agencies. For more information, or to book
an appointment, call : (09) 918-5977
We welcome referrals from families themselves, GPs, school guidance
counselors and other agencies. For more information, or to book
an appointment,
88 College Hill
Ponsonby
PO Box 47-260
Tel: (09) 918-5977
Fax: (09) 918 5979 Served by the Link Bus (Ponsonby Road) Plenty
of off street parking
return to top
Grandma's Birth Control Pills... ?
An 80-year-old woman's doctor finally retired after
many years of seeing her. At her next checkup, the new doctor told
her to bring a list of all her prescriptions.
As the young doctor was looking through the medications
on the list, his eyes grew wide as he noticed a rather odd prescription
for a woman her age.
"Mrs. Smith," he said as he pointed to the
medicine. "I have to say I'm a little confused over this one
prescription. Could you tell me what it's for?"
The woman looked at the medicine and replied, "Oh,
yes. Those are wonderful pills. They help me sleep."
The doctor was taken aback. "Mrs. Smith, I don't
mean to contradict you, but I don't see how they can possibly help
you sleep. You see, these are birth control pills!"
"Well, I know that, dear," she said. "You
see, every morning I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange
juice that my 16-year-old granddaughter drinks. And I promise you...
they definitely help me to sleep at night."
return to top
Parents Inc Tip: 1) Some children learn best when they are moving
and doing. Instead of sitting them down to learn their times tables
- how about bouncing the ball to them and calling out the problem
- “What is five times eight?. They bounce the ball back with
the answer. The focus can be shared between the problem and the
physical activity which often helps children concentrate and articulate
the solution.
2) Calm breeds calm and stress breeds stress. Use ten minutes preparation
time to set the table the night before, put out the children's clothes
and have their bags ready to go. Your mornings can flow much better
when the panic of finding things and being disorganized is taken
away. Send the children off with peace and calm!
GRG Research 2008: Thanks to those folks who have agreed to this.
We now have 123 registered but we need more. We are looking to email
(you can do it on line, easy) or mail to over 700 of you. Congratulations
go to out Napier GRG Group, everyone who attends their meetings
has agreed to do the research. HELP……………WE
NEED YOU!
Question: If using a lawyer
to set up trusts and wills, I'm told that it is really important
to have an accountant as one of the trustees. Another issue for GRG's, is that if the child's
parents have not been able to provide for the child physically or
financially, there will be concerns for the grandchild's financial
wellbeing once the GRG’s die. In my case I have raised one
of my grandchildren without the financial support of her father
or mother. In addition I lent him a considerable sum of money inherited
from my parents. He has defaulted on this. I was told that the best
way of excluding him from inheriting anything from me (as he's already
had more than his share) was to put my house into a trust which
he couldn't contest.
This article attempts to answer the questions raised
by the above grandmother.
First, whether or not the grandmother could protect her assets from
a claim by a child or grandchild if she put those assets into a
Family Trust?
The short answer is yes, provided you have gifted all the money
which your Trust owes you at the date of your death.
Family Trusts have varied uses including asset protection
and the protection of people who are unable to look after themselves.
The purpose of a family trust is to divest yourself
of owning any property. In effect, you transfer the ownership in
your property (eg your home) to the trustees of your family trust.
Because your Trust will not have any money to buy your house from
you, you will loan your trust the purchase price. This loan is recorded
in a document called a Deed of Acknowledgement of Debt. Accordingly,
at the point when you transfer your property to your trustees, you
will not own a house any more. Your asset is the loan which you
have made to your Trust. Because the purpose of a family trust is
to divest yourself of having any assets, you need to forgive this
loan over the years. The law says you can forgive the loan at the
rate of $27,000 per year. This means a house which is transferred
to your trust for $270,000 takes 10 years to gift fully.
It is important to nominate people you can trust and
rely upon as your trustees. You yourself can be a trustee. It is
also a good idea to have a professional person, as a second trustee.
Ideally your Will should set out who you want to replace you as
a trustee of your trust on your death. If possible, it can work
well to have a family member or friend as a trustee along with,
say a lawyer. This way the family friend can make sure that the
other trustee gets on and gets things done in a timely manner.
Your Trust Deed will set out who the beneficiaries
of your trust are. Your trustees can only benefit the named beneficiaries
in your trust deed. It doesn’t have to list all your children
or grandchildren, you can just make one specific grandchild a beneficiary.
The trustees can allocate capital and/or income to that grandchild
depending upon what you want to achieve. It is important therefore
that you discuss your needs with a lawyer experienced in setting
up Family Trusts to ensure that you achieve the result you wish.
The cost of setting up a Family Trust and all the related documentation
can cost between $1,500 - $2,500 plus GST depending upon exactly
what you are wanting to achieve.
The second question raised was could a grandmother
protect her assets from a claim, if she has no Trust and she left
her son nothing in her Will, but left everything to her grandchildren?
In those circumstances the son, not mentioned in the Will, may have
a claim against his mother’s estate under the Family Protection
Act. Whether or not that son would succeed with such a claim would
depend on the circumstances.
In this particular case referred to above, the mother
had given considerable financial support to her son by lending him
money which the grandmother had inherited from her parents. Her
son had never repaid that money to his mother. This type of circumstance
could provide a defense if she excluded her son from her Will and
left his share to her grandchild.
Sometimes there are clauses which can be inserted in the Will which
will assist to give a certain level of protection against a claim.
However, that is not always guaranteed and if you are concerned
about a claim you should discuss this with your lawyer.
For further information contact either Nicolette Bodewes
or Patricia Schnauer at Schnauer
SCHNAUER and CO
Direct: +64 9 486 5804 | Telephone: +64 9 486 0177 | Facsimile:
+ 64 9 486 0175
222 Kitchener Road, PO Box 31 272, Milford, North Shore City | Email:
nbodewes@schnauer.com | Web: www.schnauer.com
return to top
Unsung heroes: Picking up pieces
of broken homes
5:00AM Tuesday July 08, 2008
By Craig Borley
Unsung heroes New Zealand boasts an unsung army of grandparents
raising their grandchildren in place of absent, deceased or abusive
parents.
But before Diane Vivian, those grandparents had no place to go for
support, education, advice or advocacy.
Mrs Vivian was left with two grandchildren to raise in 1997.
"After two years I thought, 'Well, where is the support out
there?' And there was nothing. I felt isolated."
Grandparents raising grandchildren were caught in an uncomfortable
place, she said.
They found themselves back at school pedestrian crossings each morning,
but didn't fit in and were often not made welcome by parents, Mrs
Vivian said.
Grandparents had felt great shame for the position they found themselves
in, because the majority were left raising their grandchildren because
of what their own children had done.
Violence, neglect and abuse were the main reasons children were
given over to their grandparents' care, she said.
Yet the grandparents enjoyed few of the financial support systems
other caregivers could claim.
Mrs Vivian paid for a newspaper advert in 1999 asking
for anyone in a similar position to call her, and the Grandparents
Raising Grandchildren Trust was born.
Countless meetings, funding victories, thousands of hours of unpaid
time, 46 support groups and 3702 new trust members later, Mrs Vivian
says her efforts are constantly repaid.
"It has been a hard road. Honestly, if I had 10 cents for every
tear that's been shed, or for every grandparent that's said, 'Thank
God there's someone here', well, my life's been worth it."
Her lobbying and hard work have paid off. Grandparents raising their
grandchildren will, from next April, receive the same funding normal
foster carers receive, she said. And that's a deserved victory for
the second-time parents.
"Because these grandparents give up their lives for these children.
They've given up their retirement to hold the hand of a traumatised
child. What more can anyone give?
"These children have suffered so much." return to top
Unsung heroes: A well-earned rest for six of the best,
all at sea
5:00AM Monday July 28, 2008
By Craig Borley
Unsung heroes
Just how do you reward the selfless members of our society who refuse
to profit from their unsung heroics?
We're not sure if there is any reward big enough, but the New Zealand
Herald and P&O Cruises are sending six of them to sea.
The winners of our Unsung Heroes series, which has run for five
weeks over June and July, were awarded their Pacific cruise prizes
on Saturday.
At a function in Auckland's waterfront Hilton hotel, the winners
- four individuals and one couple - were named and presented with
their winning certificates by Ann Sherry, chief executive of Carnival
Australia which operates P&O Cruises in Australia and New Zealand.
Choosing the five winners was made difficult by the outstanding
calibre of the 41 people from around the country featured in the
five-week series, she said.
The winners range from volunteer environmental restorers to a volunteer
immigrant support worker, and Ms Sherry told the winners they exemplified
the best of New Zealand society.
"I think most people know that our community only functions
because of people like you.
"It's really what makes our community strong, the work that
you people do. So this is just a small way of saying thank you."
Herald assistant editor John Roughan said the volunteers' stories
had allowed the newspaper to showcase some of the most positive
aspects of New Zealand, showing newspapers were not just interested
in people's misfortune.
"And the Herald has enjoyed publishing the great, positive
things people are quietly doing for their communities."
The winners are:
Thanga Mahasivam is the founder and ongoing organiser of the New
Zealand Tamil Senior Citizens' Society.
She saw a need for Auckland's elderly Sri Lankan immigrants to have
a social organisation to decrease the isolation they often suffered
in Auckland. Coming from a family village-based society in Sri Lanka,
the immigrants struggled with the far more independent society in
New Zealand.
A retired teacher, Mrs Mahasivam manages the group, organises activities
and acts as its taxi driver.
George and Veronica Nathan-Patuawa have been the constant force
behind their seaside settlement's ecological renewal over the last
decade. Omamari Beach, north of Dargaville, had polluted streams,
eroded dunes, little dune vegetation and no community vegetable
garden.
Driven by a desire to honour their environment and provide a better
environment for shellfish, the couple have given chunks of their
time and their own pensions reversing each of those issues.
The couple also provide free vegetables for their fellow villagers
and organise lawn-mowing for those unable to do it themselves.
Tu Romia, Richmond Road School's caretaker for some 30 years, has
never seen his role as a job. Instead, he treats it as a lifestyle,
one he pours time, good nature and generosity into, to the delight
and appreciation of the school and its pupils.
He is the coach of several school sports teams, the school guitarist,
and even its Cook Islands language tutor - using his own mastery
of the language to keep it alive in the school's Cook Island pupils.
He then spends his weekends supervising periodic detention workers.
The cruise will be his and his wife's first holiday together in
more than 30 years of marriage.
Diane Vivian, founder and chairwoman of the Grandparents Raising
Grandchildren Trust, has scored huge victories for many of New Zealand's
caregiving grandparents.
The trust looks after those grandparents who are left to raise their
grandchildren after their own children's death, illnesses, or neglect
of their children. These grandparents had no support, little recognition
and unequal financial support compared with other caregivers.
Mrs Vivian saw those realities first hand, and stepped in to change
them, getting a massive response to a newspaper advert for fellow
grandparent caregivers.
She continues to run the trust and to campaign for better support
for the country's second-time parents.
Jim Savage has felt a need to volunteer for 40 years. The paraplegic,
in a wheelchair since polio struck when he was 22, saw the generous
side of his community when they helped him get to the Paralympics
in 1968.
Since then, he has felt bound to acknowledge and thank the community,
by organising fundraising drives, coaching sports teams, collecting
and sending equipment for disabled people to Peru, and manning several
community-focused committees.
He also set up the Eve Rimmer Games, aimed at encouraging people
with disabilities to get involved in sport.
Di was nominated for this by a grand raising her grandchild, this
was support by a number of others.
Here is that Grandmothers response on hearing she had nominated
one of the winners.
Wow! Wow and double Wow again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy for you Di!
It was no surprise, I knew if they had any brains at all they would
know that you have, do and will continue to be the light in the
tunnel for so many of us Grandparents who sometimes think they just
cant go on for another day (me included)
IT COULDN'T HAPPEN TO A BETTER PERSON. YOU GO GIRL! Enjoy a well
earned break Much Love Loisxxxx
National caregiver training programme • Attendance is invited from all caregivers
- not limited to those associated with the Department or Federation.
• All courses are of two-days duration.
• To register ph 0800 227 305
• Some travel & Childcare reimbursements may be available,
ask when registering
Reach for the moon. Even if you don't make it,
you will still find yourself among the stars. ~Anonymous
Di National Convenor and the team.
E te Atua, aroha mai... O God shower us with love
Ka kite
• Please feel free to send this report on to others whom you
think may be interested.
• Please pass this on to other grandparents/kin carers you
know of.
• Views expressed in this newsletter may not be the views
of the GRG Trust.
• GRG Trust Head Office hours are 9am-3pm daily. (We raise
grandchildren too)
• We are totally a voluntary organisation.
• All donations to the GRG Trust are tax deductible.
Abbreviations:
GRG – Grandparents Raising Grandchildren ™
H/O – Head Office
H/B – Handbook
BOT – Board of Trustees
CYF – Child Youth & Family Services Co’s –
Co-ordinator/s
UCB – Unsupported Child Benefit.
WINZ – Work & Income NZ now DWI – Department of
Work & Income
Grands – Grandparents
G/c – grandchild/ren
Web: www.grg.org.nz or www.kin.org.nz or www.raisinggrandchildren.org.nz
Email office@grg.org.nz
Free Phone 0800 GRANDS or 0800 472637 (not for use for Auckland
callers)
Tel: 09 4806530 Fax: 09 4806572 Postal Add: PO Box 34 892 Birkenhead.
Auckland 0626
If you no longer wish to receive this newsletter please
contact the Trust Office as this is where the total mail out membership
is kept. Moved home or planning to? Be sure to let us know.
Te Tautoko i nga Mätua Tupuna, me nga Mokopuna.
Te Ao mai rano, aianei, a muri ake nei.
Supporting: Grandparents and grandchildren.
Our past: present and future.
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