SUBJECT: National Office
NZ Report February 2008 Greeting/Kia Ora all, thank goodness school is back!
How many grandmas and indeed grandpas/kinship carers
have been doing a little jig?
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust celebrates its birthday
we are 9 years in existence.
May we reiterate we are still a voluntary organisation and not one
of the Board, Co-ordinators nor National Convenor gets paid for
what we do. It is our pleasure to be there for each and every one
of you.
Our data Base:
As mentioned in the last newsletter this has had major work done
on it. We discovered a number of people who were members but not
allocated as so, we have rectified this. So if you are now getting
either snail mail or email of our newsletter and no longer want
to do so just email with unsubscribe in subject box or phone us
and let us know. For out of Auckland people the free phone number
is 0800 472637: NOTE WELL this 0800 number does not accept mobile
phone calls. Aucklander’s please ph 480 6530. We apologise
if you have already requested a cancellation of newsletter and have
to do this again, this unfortunately was beyond our control.
If you have an email address that we are not aware of could you
send us an email with all your details, that way we can check your
details and add your email address? It is cheaper for us to send
out our newsletter and other information via email rather than snail
mail. Thank you for your assistance.
We have also over the break placed all of our members in the locations
where you live; this means we can target information to you all
which is relevant for your area. This also enabled us to find out
from our membership (taking into account that not all grand’s/kin
are members), which areas from our data base have the most GRG’s/kin
carers, these are: Auckland area: by a long way (1st), Christchurch
& Waikato: both very close (2nd/3rd), Wellington (4th), Manawatu
(5th), Northland (6th), Hawkes Bay (7th), Bay of Plenty (8th), Nelson
(9th), and Wairapapa (10th). We were quite surprised to see Northland
so far down the list, but with our GRG Northland field officer,
now working this area, this should see changes.
Dear Members/associates and interested parties
Our Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust has been accepted onto
the list of organisations that can benefit from the ‘DonaCall
Telecommunications Project’.
This means that our CHARITY will receive 15% of your home/business
phone bill (some conditions apply) if you choose to have your tolls
through them.
This works out to around $ 500 a month if we get 100 members to
sign up, so we are really keen to see this work.
Naturally we are not asking you to blindly switch toll providers,
but if you could visit their website at www.donacall.co.nz and consider
signing up it would be most appreciated. The Grandparents Raising
Grandchildren Trust could really do with the support and you would
be helping us out a great deal.
If you have any queries, or would like to join, please visit the
website, phone them, or fill in the attached form on last page of
this newsletter.
Thank you.
We (GRG Trust) strongly recommend you speak to them first to find
out what rate you will be charged.
return to top
Message’s…
Te Awamutu Grand’s/kin
Happy New Year, from us all in Te Awamutu.
A successful 2007 with workshops, guest speakers, outings and presentations
especially the PowerPoint on "P" was an eye opener and
very educational. We celebrated the end of 2007 lunching in Hamilton
with Lyn and John (Hamilton Co’s) at Valentines, a first time
for some of our GRG's.
We are looking forward to the New Year. Special thank you to: Te
Awamutu Maori Women's Welfare League, Te Awamutu St Johns Parish
Church, Te Awamutu $2 Shop, WDHB - Te Awamutu Community Health Public
Nurses for their support. Again, all the best for the New Year!
New members welcome.
GRG Co. Rangitaia - (021) 521 950 or (07) 871 3781
North Shore Auckland GRG Group
Meetings are held on the 3rd Wednesday of each month. 10 am –
12 noon. (Except for school holidays) We welcome new members.
GRG Co. Bonnie - (09) 473 9055 or 027 473 9058 or Kim (Sec) on (09)
489 2848.
Nelson GRG Group
We had our Christmas barbecue in December and had a good turn out.
This year we have arranged lots of speakers especially from CYF.
New members welcome.
GRG Co. Paula - (03) 544 5714
Kapiti Coast GRG Group
Next Meeting date: Monday 17 March. (3rd Monday of each month) at
12 noon at Rita King Cottage (on the Church grounds – follow
the signs) via Rosetta Road, or foot access from the Raumati Beach
shops as well.
GRG Co. David Johnsen - (04) 902 2562 or (021) 902 562
Upper Hutt GRG Group
We have the honour of being selected to plant a Totara Tree in The
National Regional Park to honour Grandparents who raise their Grandchildren
in Upper Hutt and Nationally. “Well done Ladies”
GRG Co’s Barbara (04) 526 4318 and Margaret (04) 976 9475
return to top
Feed-back from our newsletter
Thank you all so much for all the letters of help to the two of
us who are trying to raise a grandson aged 11yrs.
We have been involved in his care since birth and last year finally
applied and was given full custody.
Not knowing through all of this that I would have had in the last
4yrs, 3 x hip replacements (the 3rd was because I was trying to
hurry and fell over). My husband has been made redundant after 32
yrs, and we soon found out that those huge packages that people
used to get on redundancy are long gone, max now if you are lucky
is 50-52wks pay, this after a lifetime of service. But your letters
always make us realize just how lucky we are....we only have one
to care for. My husband and I love the joy and laughter and the
sad bits too when your mail comes......what a wonderful job you
all do. Granddad & Grandma
And just LOVED the story “Dance of the Swallows” what
a wonderful experience. Kinship carer.
From Canada
Cangrand’s announce that there are 20,000 kinship children
in Ontario and 70,000 overall in Canada!
Yippee
Well the results finally came in the mail; she passed her NZQA 1
with merits, excellences and achieved: excited is an UNDERSTATMENT!
Nan and Pop are just so proud of her!
Just how many Grandchildren are families Raising?
We have met a couple in Auckland raising 8 grandchildren and just
last week another grandmother (single) joined us and she is raising
10 and has in total raised 13 the 3 older ones having reached independence.
She is also in Auckland, if you are raising similar numbers we would
love to hear from you. How do you manage you wonderful people?
Kisses
She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful
eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before.
After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little
one said, 'But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!'
CYF Caregiver Training
We have just been advised of a problem over the Christmas New Year
break with people registering online at www.caregivertraining.org.nz
for the training courses.
Please note: there has been some technical problems with receiving
online applications from mid December to the 31st of January. This
has been resolved now permanently, however we are unable to recover
the online applications that were made over this period of time.
We are hoping that the applicants who have applied will ring me
as they would not have received confirmation, venue details and
course times. Sorry for this inconvenience. Can you please advise
your Caregivers to reapply if they had applied during this time.
From the CYF Caregiver training team.
Any caregivers who registered for courses around this time, can
you please call 0800 227 305 and check your booking has been received return to top 7 Things Parents Should Never Say to a Tween
(10 – 13yrs) - Dr. Michele Borba
Talking with a tween can be like walking through a minefield. Any
moment you could be asking what you thought was a simple, sincere
question only to find it triggering an explosive response.
In all fairness, these middle school years are like an emotional
roller-coaster brought on by peer pressure, bullying, stress, school,
raging hormones, and just trying to fit in. So how do you survive
those minefields and still stay connected? The first step is to
avoid these seven big tween "turn offs."
1. NEVER SAY: "How was your day?"
DO SAY: "Tell me about your day."
Tweens see generic parenting remarks as "so-o-o predictable"
and insincere. Besides you'll get nothing more than "fine"
as a response. Instead, ask more open-ended questions that require
more than a yes or no answer. Take note about the specifics in your
child's life: "Hey, how was that baseball game? Where did you
play in the field?" Your tween will appreciate your more sincere
interest.
2. NEVER SAY: "Tell him to leave you alone!"
DO SAY: "Where did it happen?"
Bullying is strongest during the middle school years and today's
bullies are vicious. Tweens need strategies to deal with bullies.
So take your kid seriously and get specifics (who, what, where,
when). The data will help you and your child create a safety plan.
Don't promise that you won't tell (you may have to step in to advocate
for your child), and do remain vigilante.
3. NEVER SAY: "What was she wearing?"
DO SAY: "What do you enjoy about her?"
Materialism is huge with this age group. This is also a time when
tweens are forming identities and are most impressionable. Halt
the comments about clothing and appearance (as well as popularity)!
Instead emphasize those traits that grow from the inside out like
talent, loyalty, character, and friendship so your tween knows your
values.
4. NEVER SAY: "Toughen up!"
DO SAY: "You seem really upset."
Puberty, hormonal changes, mood swings—tweens will be "very
touchy" and extremely sensitive. So don't tell your kid to
get tougher—he will take it personally. Instead, respect your
tween's ups and downs and acknowledge his feelings. Tweens are trying
to make sense out of their mood swings as well. Do refrain from
sarcasm or teasing, and watch your non-verbal cues such as smirks
or raised eyebrows.
5. NEVER SAY: "Why did you do that?"
DO SAY: "What did you hope would happen?"
Let's face it: tweens are impulsive and do act a little crazy, and
for good reason. The part of the brain that regulates decision-making
and impulse control is still forming which is one reason they look
so blank when you ask, "Why did you do that?" A tween
really may not know the reason for their actions. So instead of
"why," ask "what." They'll be less likely to
say "I don’t know" and it may even help them learn
what to do the next time.
6. NEVER SAY: "Relax!"
DO SAY: "Let's find ways to help you de-stress."
Don't take your kids stress for granted. Thirty-five percent of
tweens say they are stressed but don't know ways to de-stress. Monitor
your kid's stress level and offer specific coping strategies as
needed.
7. NEVER SAY: "Get over it!"
DO SAY: "I'm so sorry. You must hurt!"
Peer relationships are critical and play a big part in developing
a tween’s self-esteem. Though the anguish of a friendship
tiff or "first love" breakup may seem juvenile, don't
dismiss your tween’s hurt. Not only is your kid experiencing
her own pain, but she's also worried about “peer humiliation.”
She is concerned with what “all the other kids are saying".
So show a little empathy! Be supportive and fill her social calendar
with something to do especially on those long weekends.
8 Ways You Can Improve the
Quality of the Time You Spend With Your Kids
There is nothing as important as spending time with your children.
Unfortunately, time is a limited commodity, and nobody has enough.
That is why it is important to make every second that you can be
with them as valuable as you possibly can.
The following are a couple of inspirations that may help you to
improve the quality of the time you spend with your kids. Unlike
guidelines, these are only designed to make you think more deeply
about your relationship with your family, and with yourself.
return to top
1. Pencil Them In
You should set aside at least a few hours at the same time and day
every week, to spend with your kids. This teaches them to trust
you, and lets them know that they can count on you, which can deepen
the overall relationship. It also gives them a positive, regular
routine. Routines are important for kids because it helps them earn
about the cyclic nature of the world, which in turn can help them
to develop the quality of dependability.
2. Turn Off That Phone!
Maybe you can’t completely isolate yourself from the world
but you can at least put your cell phone on silent when you are
with your kids. Don’t make them take a backseat to whoever
decides to call you. If there is an emergency, whoever it is will
leave a message. In the meantime, you have to focus on what is most
important in your life.
3. Give Each Child Special Time
If you have more than one kid, it is important that you don’t
start lumping them together as “the children”. Each
one is unique and special in their own way, and you have to treat
them such. Make time to pursue special activities with each of them
separately, and use this time to get to know who they are on a deeper
level. Just be certain to spend equal time with each child, and
to make it clear that is what you are doing. Otherwise you could
end up with some hurt feelings.
4. Family Time
While you have to spend some time alone with each of your children,
it is also important to create a sense of unity within the whole
family. That is why activities such as family outings, and vacations
are so important. The memories that are built, help to give the
kids an identity as part of the family as a whole, and brings you
all closer together.
5. Don’t be Afraid to Do Things You Like
Your kids are smarter than you think. Just because you don’t
they would like an activity that you enjoy, doesn’t mean you
shouldn’t try it out. Whether it’s the opera, a sports
game, or even just walking through a book store, there are ways
to help your child enjoy these activities. Just be sure to explain
what is going on in clear details, and answer any questions they
may have.
6. You Can Have Fun Doing Kids Stuff Too
That’s right, kids stuff is fun. Just because you’re
a snooty old adult doesn’t mean you can’t participate
with enthusiasm. Join in sing along’s, clap your hands, laugh,
and don’t take yourself too seriously. You will have more
fun, and so will your children.
7. Don’t Get Overwhelmed
As a parent you do everything for your children. But it is important
that you do some small things for yourself as well. If you are too
selfless with them, you might start to resent them, which would
be a horrible situation to get into. Make sure to occasionally take
time off and do something to pamper you. Whether it is spending
15 minutes a day alone reading or going to a spa resort every few
months, you will be happier, which will make your kids happier.
8. Don’t Be Boring
Spice things up, try new things, and don’t be afraid to experiment.
The same old activities will eventually be as boring for your kids
as they are for you. In doing new things, which you have never tried
before, you will create truly unique memories which are very powerful
and important.
These are just a list of things to consider when evaluating your
relationship with your kids. None of them are hard rules; they are
merely designed to make you think. As you explore your relationship
with your children, it is always important to evaluate your time
together, and make sure that it is as effective as it can possibly
be.
Parenting Tips - Why Is Giving Choice Important?
One of the most lasting gifts a parent can give their child is encouragement
in making decisions. When we do this we support our children in
their journey towards independence. Of course there will be times
where parents need to make the decision and times when the decision
will be negotiated, but there will also be many times when the child
can choose.
There are two easy ways
to help your child learn to make choices:
1. Involve them in choosing everyday things e.g. what to wear, what
they want on their sandwich, what’s for dinner.
2. Ask for their input in family discussions where you can allow
them to choose the outcome e.g. where to go for an outing, who to
invite to a party.
Use the word ‘choice’ with your children. ‘Which
do you choose?’ ‘What will your choice be?’ Remember,
when children are young, to limit choices to two to make their decision
making easier. Older children will be able to cope with a wider
range of choice. Remember too, don’t offer your child choice
if you are not prepared to follow through. Children need to know
that their choice will occur.
Giving our kids choice has a couple of bonuses in addition to helping
them make decisions and increasing their independence. Children
will take more ownership of a situation if they have been involved
in the decision and this helps them stick to the agreement. If you
often battle with your child about getting them to do things giving
choice can be an effective way to get results without the arguments.
Such questions as: “Would you like to do it now or within
the next half hour?” give the child decision making power
instead of being told directly what to do.
The other wonderful bonus is of course children who are encouraged
to make choices have a higher self esteem because they are included
in family decision making and given chances to express their opinions.
They see their point of view as being valued by their family and
are more confident when facing new situations.
As you finish reading this article, ask yourself the question:
“How can I give my child more choice in his/her life?”
If we parent keeping this question in mind, we will be raising our
children to be experienced decision makers and independent thinkers.
They will be more confident and able to meet the challenging decisions
ahead. We might even reduce some of those every day battles along
the way!
HELP
Question: I have recently been told I have bronchial pneumonia,
which may result in a stay in hospital, I have no family nor friends
who could take care of my grandchild, what do I do under these circumstances?
Answer: You would have to look at short term respite care, many
of the Care Agencies can supply this, but there will be a cost.
Barnados, Open Home Foundation, or even perhaps the Foster Care
Association may be able to assist.
The Seniors Breakfast Special
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special'
was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. 'Sounds good,'
my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'
'Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because
you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her. 'You mean
I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.
'YES!' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then.' my wife said.
'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked
'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.
She took the two eggs home. DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS! We've been
around the block more than once.
return to top
Parents Inc Tip
Sometimes the more you say – the worse a situation can get.
Take the child who is aggressive to his baby brother. He gets growled
at, lectured to, warned and reasoned with.
He actually gets ‘fed’ with attention.
There are times to withhold ' talk ' and act decisively. This can
be kinder and gives more dignity to a child who knows the rules.
Give an instruction, a time frame and then act.
Anger Management Tips for
Angry Parents - By Jamie Sullivan.
Did you know that the way you manages your own anger has direct
effect on your child’s tempter and tantrums?
To teach your child about anger management, it all starts with
YOU.
• You need to have total control of your own anger.
• You need to know the RIGHT thing to do when you’re
in a difficult situation.
• You need to know how to ‘think outside the box’
when you’re angry.
I know it’s hard. It was hard for me, and other parents as
well.
Take one small step at a single time, and you’ll start to
see results, eventually.
Have you wondered what you CAN do when you’re in difficult
situations with your children? Those situations where both parties
are angry, aggressive and doesn’t seem to care about anything
else but to let go their anger.
Here’s what you can do… 1. Try to accept and recognize the problem
For some, this might be difficult. I don’t know about you
though, but I found it hard last time.
This is probably because we are afraid to receive negative feed
backs from other people or we are too upset that we do not seem
to realize that we are indeed angry.
Either way, it is very important to initially accept and recognize
that you are struggling with anger management so that you will realize
what should be done and what are the solutions to prevent the possible
effects.
2. Identify the root and cause of YOUR anger
Once you have recognized and accepted that you’re angry, the
next important thing you should do is to identify why you are angry.
This would help you to concentrate on specific solutions that would
directly solve your problem first.
Did you know that by knowing the root and cause of your anger, it
would also let you know how to stay away from things that would
set off your anger?
3. Letting IT go
Many parents tend to rehash previous things and events that caused
them pain and anger, for example, their child’s behaviour.
You must learn how to let things go; otherwise you’ll start
accumulating bad memories and experiences about your children.
This is very dangerous since the pain and suffering from the past
could easily set off anger even from the simplest things. Make sure
you let go, forgive, and then forget the things your children did
last time that would have hurt you before
. 4. Diversion
Your anger can cause you and others around you harm, read: your
children. It is all right to express anger but be careful with this.
Once the expression goes beyond your control, anger becomes bad.
What you should do is to divert all your anger into more productive
activities.
Just always keep in mind that an angry person tends to become stronger
as he normally is. Doing something harmless and acceptable is the
best way to apply that strength.
5. Communicate well with your family
Whenever you’re angry, there is a very high tendency is for
you to lose control of yourself. Once this happens, you might not
be aware of every word or every action that come out from you.
What can you do then?
Try to exercise on how to communicate well. Remember to always keep
yourself in control of your situation. Good communication within
the family will lead to understanding what is really happening.
Communicating well would also make you listen to others as well
as thinking well, and declaring yourself well on different scenarios
where others lose it.
6. Just take it easy
This does not mean that you laugh off your anger, just take it nice
and easy. Breathe and try to relax your whole body. If I’m
to put this in other words, you are the only person responsible
if you will get angry or not. So, take it nice and easy.
It is much easier to think about the consequences from the possible
actions you want to do while succumbing to your anger, than thinking
of what you have done wrong after you have calmed down.
Relax, and take it easy.
That’s all YOU should do when you’re angry with your
child. I can’t say I practice them all the time, but I always
try my best to practice them, in which I hope you will too.
A Hundred years From Now
It will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I
lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different
because I was important in the life of a CHILD
Dr. Forest E. Witcraft from "Within My Power"
return to top
How to Survive your 2-year
old's Temper Tantrums - By Dr. Noel Swanson
Here is the picture: You have just dared to deny your two year old
a cookie. So how does she respond? Does she take it on the chin?
Does she philosophically and phlegmatically accept that, at times,
life sucks?
Not on your life!
What does she do? She screams. She hollers. She cries. She stamps
her feet. She rolls around on the floor as though in the grip of
blood sucking demon.
Soon the neighbors are banging on the door wondering why you are
torturing your child. Then social services arrive. Next thing you
know, you are on national television being carted off to jail for
child abuse.
Well, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration. But it certainly
can get pretty stressful trying to deal with it all.
So what should you do?
The key here, as always, is to STAY CALM. The dynamic is pretty
simple. Child wants cookie. Parent says no. Child wants to change
parent's mind, so she puts on a display. This is important to remember:
the sole purpose of this display is to get you to GIVE IN.
If you do, then the child learns that tantrums work and, guess
what? Next time she will try it again.
So, if you want to eliminate the tantrums, here is what you do:
Walk away.
That's it.
Let her carry on rolling around on the floor. Ignore her. Do not
try to pacify her (that would be rewarding it by giving her attention).
Do not scold her (same reason). Do not say anything. Just walk out
of the room.
If she follows you then, if necessary, lock yourself in the bedroom
or even bathroom - anywhere that you can get away from her and completely
ignore her. Put on some music, or the vacuum cleaner so you can't
hear her.
The goal is to give her no attention, no feedback, no reward for
as long as she is making a fuss.
It is pretty hard to keep up a performance when no one is listening.
So if you do this successfully, she will eventually calm down. When
she does, THEN give her some attention (but not a cookie!) Reward
being quiet, not the tantrum.
But be warned - she might get pretty loud before she gives up,
so be prepared to see it through! If you give in before she is calm,
you will have rewarded the tantrum and made it even more likely
to happen next time.
Just one other point - obviously, before you walk out, do make
sure that she is safe where she is. It would not be wise, for example,
to leave her unattended, having a giant paddy, in the kitchen with
hot liquids boiling away on the hob.
Now, what if she does this in public?
Of course her tactic is even more powerful there, as she can enlist
your fear of embarrassment to work in her favor.
The principles, though, are the same. You need to ignore it. You
could just walk away and leave her screaming in the aisles while
you continue shopping. Or you could pick her up, carry her to the
car, put her inside, and then stand outside (with your back to her)
until she is calm.
If you have already been doing it successfully at home, she will
pretty quickly realize that the same rules apply here, so she should
settle down fairly quickly.
Dr. Noel Swanson is a practicing psychiatrist with over 2 decades
of extensive clinical experience.
It must be said here ( in NZ) if you are trying to train your toddler
out of these temper tantrums, please let your neighbours know what
is happening so they do not think something is amiss and call the
Police!
The Joy of Neighbours ?
I am a solo grandma raising my 4 year old grandson, and we share
a section with another couple my age. My grandson is right into
Spiderman and Batman. He is Spiderman and the neighbours are Mrs
Batman and Batman. Mrs Batman, Batman and Spiderman often have conversations
about this subject whilst they are working in their garden, much
to Spiderman’s delight. The other day we cleared the mail
box and we found a note addressed to Spiderman. It read: Dear Spiderman.
We would like to take you and your grandma out to lunch in my Bat
mobile at a Bat restaurant, but until that happens I have enclosed
some flies in case you are hungry. Spiderman stickers were also
stuck all over the letter.
There were 2 dead flies under cellotape attached to the letter,
my we did laugh, and under the flies was a Batman sticker. (No he
did NOT eat them).
return to top
Chores: Getting your kids
to help - by Bonnie Rice
Every member of the family needs to contribute to make the family
work. If one person is doing most or all of the housework, it won't
take long to burn out.
Try these tips for getting the help you need…
1. Try to make pickup time as fun as possible. Preschool age children
seem to respond well to clean up songs. It helps to start young,
when children see cleaning as a game. There are several "clean
up" and "tidy up" songs on children's tapes and videos.
Find one that isn't too annoying and use it! Sing along with the
children. Older children -- I hate to say this, but it's true --
may work better with their own favorite music playing. I know that
adults in the clutter club have mentioned that music helps. Close
the door or move outside while they work to the beat if you don't
appreciate their music. But don't insist on silence for housework.
Don't teach your children that housework is boring. They may just
find that some housework is interesting and even fun. Don't spoil
it for them!
2. Label shelves or boxes with words or pictures. Why buy toys that
involve putting small blocks or balls into a container when you
can practice the same skill on something more useful-like toys and
their shelves or boxes. It's a matching game! Young school-aged
children are great at matching socks-and sorting laundry once you
teach them the rules.
3. Work together, side-by-side. Not only is it good for the children
to see you helping (not the mean ogre that makes them do all the
work) but you might also get some insight into how your child does
things. It is not always necessary for a child to do everything
the way you do. Sometimes good enough really is enough. Sometimes
the child may come up with a better way. (This is especially true
of tasks we were taught to do but hated doing-rather than try to
think of a better way to do it, we often try not to think about
it.)
4. After children have a chance to put their belongings away, and
haven't, place the items in a box. Your kids can redeem them by
doing extra chores around the house. This is not a punishment, this
is an exchange of labor -- you had to pick up their stuff, now they
have to do something for you. Don't make chores a punishment. If
you think of housework as a punishment yourself, you need to get
things straight in your own mind. Certain tasks simply must be done
to keep a household running. Doing them doesn't make you a servant.
You do it for the good of the family --including yourself.
5. Make sure your child is able to do what you ask. A toybox lid
that is too heavy, shelves that are too deep, clothes poles that
are over a child's reach, all make it hard, if not impossible for
the child to help. Look for child-size brooms and lightweight vacuum
cleaners if you plan on having a young child use them. Low shallow
shelving units are found in many day care centers for a reason.
It's one of the best ways to encourage children to put things away
for themselves. If you had 15 children you'd give up on the concept
that it's easier to do it yourself a whole lot sooner. By the way,
it may be easier to do it yourself this time, but multiply that
by forever and compare that to the trouble of teaching the child
to do it. That's a more reasonable comparison.
6. Be very specific about what you want your child to do. "Clean
your room" is vague to most children as well as overwhelming.
Does it mean to get everything off the floor -- so it's all right
to cram it all into the closet or under the bed? Does it mean I
have to put away the puzzle I've been working on and dust and vacuum
and wash down the walls? What's the least I can do and still pass
inspection? "Pick up all the blocks and put them in the block
box" is more useful. Keep giving instructions until the task
is completed to your standards.
7. Use pictures or words to list the steps you expect your child
to take in completing a task. Let your child follow your "written"
instructions. This frees you from having to repeat the steps every
time and makes it more of a game. For older children this makes
your instructions more specific and you are less likely to have
to make repeated inspections only to find that they had skipped
some important step.
8. Make sure there is enough storage space for everything in your
child's room. If you are helping a child clean his room and you
get stuck trying to find a place for everything -- you need to get
less "stuff," more storage, or both. Look for storage
items that are easy to use and that will hold whatever it is that
needs to be held.
9. Make it a regular event. Go through your child's clothes, toys,
and papers along with your child and discuss what they really want
to keep.
10. If you use a chore chart, keep it where YOU will see it every
day, and keep it current. Nothing like a little inconsistency to
throw the whole plan off. Make sure someone marks the chart every
day and that rewards are given in a timely manner. It takes discipline
to make a chore chart work, but if you want to teach a child discipline,
the chore chart is one tool. You might also consider using file
cards with your children's chores-list one on each and let them
move them from one envelope to another as they complete the chores.
You might also teach older children to make their own day plan --schedule
their activities on a calendar or day-planner and include their
chores and homework.
11. Do you hear a lot of "why do I have to do everything"?
You might want to create a chore chart for mom and dad, showing
all of the things that children are so fond of taking for granted.
It may not make the child feel better, but it will probably help
you not to cave in to some false sense of guilt. If you find that
the child really is doing a lot (for example: when parents or siblings
are ill or disabled) you might want to discuss the reasons and see
if there is any way to take some of the pressure off. You want the
child to grow up responsible, not resentful. It might also be useful
to talk to the parents of the other children when your child comes
home and announces that "no one else has to help with dishes
every night." It helps to know the facts. Most children believe
they are overworked if they are expected to do so much as make their
own beds-or they want you to believe it. Take a step back and look
for reality.
12. When asking for help remember to ask politely. Explain that
you are willing to do your share of the housework, but that everyone
in the family needs to help. Explain that you would be a more relaxed
person and easier to live with if everyone would simply select a
few chores and do their share. Have a list of the chores that you'd
be interested in sharing so they can choose some chores right away.
Post a schedule of chores for everyone -- including your own --
as a reminder. Try not to nag. Please!
13. Believe it when you tell your child that this is a skill that
will be needed later in life. Whether it's organizing a desk, dusting
a shelf, or sorting laundry -- if they don't learn it from you they
will have to learn it the hard way. (My roommate in college learned
about sorting clothes after all of our whites turned pink in the
wash with her brand new towels -- we wished her mother had taken
the time to teach her earlier.) When you say "you'll thank
me for this later," believe it! Attitude counts. Keep yours
as positive as possible.
14. Offer rewards for completing chores. Don't forget to reward
yourself when you've done a good job. A small snack, a warm hug,
a sincere "thanks" or some time alone (or alone with someone
special) are all good rewards for small things. A new "toy,"
a trip to someplace fun (like the park or the zoo for the kiddies
or a nice restaurant for older kids), or some time off are good
rewards for bigger accomplishments.
We complain about the cross we bear but we don’t realize
it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and
we can't.
Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine, after the rain....
Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;
But God's always ready, to answer your call....
He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
a word from His lips, can calm every fear...
Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,
But suddenly vanish, dawn's early light...
The Saviour is waiting, somewhere above,
to give you His grace, and send you His love...
