Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Charitable Trust Website

After 6 months of asking and visiting the Mental Health team these grandparents have hit rock bottom. But it can be fair to say they have hit rock bottom a number of times over this past 6 months. But the Mental Health team is very proficient in buoying them along. They have tried 2 sorts of drugs with no success for this severely disturbed child. Death threats to the grands and other sibling and indeed herself still continue. Rages are explosive and spontaneous. Trashing of the grandparents home has occurred and the police have been called. Requiring, the need for one of the Policemen to restrain her. She has had the CATT team called in due to her constant running away and violent threats, these grand’s have had psych nurses living in their home at various times keeping a close watch on the child. They too have been threatened by the child as have the Police .This child when in this agitated state has no consequences and is a danger to her self and indeed has the potential to harm others. Yes the Mental Health team, are aware and still they do nothing, their answer is call the Police or the CATT team. After the grandchild had trashed the Mental Health team’s offices and the head Psychiatrist had to restrain her, still nothing happened, eventually, because of the state of the grand’s, the mental Health team decided to call a meeting of all concerned. CYF also attended, the plan was that she would be given 2 weeks hospital stay in the children’s unit and a tracker (person who stays alongside child from CYF) would be supplied over the school holidays in the home. The child was placed on anti psychosis drugs. It was said to the grand’s that the hospital stay would take time to organise. But they were required to go and visit the hospital unit, which the grandfather did. He was told by the Charge Nurse at the hospital it would be no problem and they would keep her there for two weeks in the special child and family unit, get her medication right and that she would have a nurse in this unit with her. She would attend daily therapy. They were in a position to take her.

There was the light at the end of the tunnel. Respite for these exhausted grand’s and indeed peace for the other sibling. This little family walked on egg shells with this child waiting for the hospital stay. Over the week-end the child went from an 11 year old back to a 2 year old mentally, still they coped…just. The child’s obsess ional disorder raged, manifesting itself in a cleaning fetish. She scrubbed and cleaned herself, her clothes, the bathroom, toilet and even the car. But whoa betide anyone if she did not get her way. Then, on the Sunday, after her older brother could take it no longer, an argument erupted between them. The grandparents could not placate her nor contain her, she was screaming obsanities and death threats, she was placed in the hall way. The next thing the family heard was a very loud thump and smash. Grandfather raced into the hall way to find the front glass door smashed thru. Grandmother found a child covered in blood. She had smashed both her hands thru the glass, with some force too as it was a lead light glass and was all buckled outwards. The child’s wounds were dressed of which there were two, one, a deep slice to the fleshy part under the thumb. Grandmother being an ex nurse had the necessary equipment to deal with this. Her older brother was hysterical; in fact the whole family was in shock. The child itself went into shock also. She then broke down and sobbed whilst been held tight by a shell-shocked grandmother.

The mental Health team was duly notified the next day and at grandparents insistence reluctantly agreed to get an admission under urgency to the hospital. The hospital agreed and it would be happening not that day but the next day. Plenty of egg shell walking was done yet again, they barely managed to contain her. Phone calls were coming thick and fast from the Mental Health team to the grand’s. By 4pm the next day and no word about hospital admission then came the final straw. No, we can not get her admitted to where the hospital said, only to the High Dependency Unit, where she would be locked in with Psychotic teenagers and we are very concerned as there was an assault in there yesterday. WHAT happened to the unit where the grandfather was shown they asked? Oh well it is nearly school holidays and this closes down (pardon me) and they do not enough staff for her to go there. Hmmm not what the grandfather was told. So these grandparents are now at a stalemate with the 3 Agencies concerned. Still the child concerned rages and the poor little soul it must be agony for her. It is also agony for the grandparents whom now realise they can not keep this child safe from herself no matter how much they want to. The older brother said he can not stand this much longer. He told the grandparents, you both are adults and you can barely cope can you imagine what it is like for me. You see they must also remember that he too is a damaged child from past abuse and this rage and violence this child is creating is taking him too back to a place from long ago in his abusive childhood. Grandmother has had to give up her part time job as she now can not think straight; grandfather has had to reduce his work hours as he is needed at home at 3pm to help contain this child. It appears to these grandparents now they are being caught up in 3 Agencies. If they are not careful they will suck all the essence out of these grandparents and they will be left with 2 empty shells and then what becomes of the grandchildren concerned. Back to CYF…..what will become of the other grandchildren whom also love and need these grand’s?

Grandmother’s asthma is rampant and grandfather’s diabetes is out of control due to stress. Grandmother can not eat and now feels sick all the time, she shakes as it nears home time from school. Grandfather is trying to hold all together, but he can see it is still falling apart. He struggles with his feeling of concern for the child but also for the welfare of the other child and indeed his wife. How do they reach the hard decision to sacrifice one and save the sanity of the others and live with themselves? Or do they just wait until the younger grand-daughter does fatally or seriously injure her self or even one of them.

Finally a meeting was called with the two Agencies and the Grandparents. The question was put to the hospital as to why when they had a unit for younger children why was it not utilized the answer came back that is was empty and they did not have the funding to staff it. .It was agreed by all that the child would be admitted to the High Dependency Unit for 11 days the next morning and issues arising from this were the safety of the child in this unit with teenagers. CYF arranged a tracker to be in there with the child. The grandparents felt relief at this for the child’s safety from the other older young adults in the unit with her. They after admission were to find out that this was only for one day. These grand’s had to take the child over to the unit and leave her there, one of the hardest things they have ever had to do, but there was no other choice. After two days she was moved from the High Dependency Unit into the open Adolescent ward but with a tracker in case she does a runner and they are sure it is for her safety as well. They ask the question what becomes of the broken hearted and why when there is a child unit is it not utilized. Out of all of this these Grandparents want something done about the funding for this child unit to get it operational. They have been told from their social worker that CYF (her office) has 3 children on their books that require this service. So if there are 3 and they have 1, it stands to reason there will be others. They have asked GRG Trust to lobby on this issue of lack of funding to get this unit staffed. It is unacceptable that a child should have to be placed in with older teenagers. She is just 11 years old and the teenagers range from 14-18 years of age. It must be said that CYF did their bit to keep her safe by placing in a tracker and the staff at this Unit did make sure they kept her away from disturbing situations with other patients. They also stopped letting her drink coffee and tea and put her to bed at an earlier time than 10.30 after the grandparents alerted to them that this was not allowed at home. They have no doubts that having a child in this unit placed a heavy strain upon the staff.

People thus far who have seen this child loose the plot and have been subject to her abuse and violence:

And still nothing is done! The mental health team says the only option is to place her is Foster Care>. Her diagnosis is: Borderline Child Syndrome, Obsess ional conduct disorder, Dissociative disorder and Multiple Complex developmental Disorder, Post traumatic stress, High anxiety disorders, tells clearly untruthful things to others, control issues, running away, threatens violence, ambivalent feelings towards caregivers. She views the world in a disjointed paranoid - schizoid way. These Grandparents are now aware of residential care which is available for this child. Dingwell Trust, Richmond Fellowship, Youth Horizons Trust and Youthlink, but getting her in will be very difficult and it also means placing her back under CYF

Our 2 year old’s Birthday:

He had his little birthday party along with his kindy friends and cousins: Fairy bread, cocktail sausages, little sausage rolls, chippies and cake. We hired the Wiggles and a High Five from the local Video store as it was pouring with rain. The sight of 10 little 2-4 year old dancing to these videos was just simply gorgeous. These littlies all knew the dance steps and the songs and actions. But what really bought a smile to grandfather’s face was his 70 year old wife (Nanny) dancing along with them all and she knew all the songs and moves too. “Quack, quack, quack, quack, cock-a-doodle doo”

Grandmother Marianne writes:

I am 78 and the grandson we raise is now 14 years old 5ft 9in and size 12 shoes. I walk at least a block every day and have decided to take an overseas trip with my grandson. We are going on an “Alaska & Canadian Rockies cruise ‘n Rail tour” fully escorted. We are both so looking forward to this. Happy travels grand and grandson. Thanks for the photo and what a handsome young man.

Submission for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust National Newsletter (July)

By now you will be aware that one of the changes included in the Working for Families package is an increase of $15 to the rates of Foster Care Allowance (paid by Child, Youth and Family Services) and Orphan’s Benefit and Unsupported Child’s Benefit (paid by the Ministry of Social Development). These increases will take effect from 1 April 2005, and will replace the annual General Adjustment for 2005 that usually happens in April.

Rates of Foster Care Allowance, Orphan’s Benefit and Unsupported Child’s Benefit from 1 April 2005
Age of child:	FCA	OB/UCB
< 5 years	$110.56	$94.77
5 – 9 years	$129.85	$111.88
10 – 13 years	$144.30	$120.43
14 years +	$158.66	$128.97

The one-off increase enables families to receive some additional payment while we complete a full review of these payments. The Review will look at the level of the rates and the relativities between them, and the assistance provided to people receiving an Unsupported Child’s Benefit or Orphan’s Benefit. The Ministry of Social Development and Child, Youth and Family services will be carrying out this review, and will be consulting with Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust and other agencies. We expect to complete the Review by the end of 2004.

If you are receiving an Unsupported Child’s Benefit or Orphan’s Benefit, a Field Officer may contact you between July and September to arrange a meeting to discuss this benefit. We regularly carry out these interviews to outline the particular rules of the benefit and to ensure that people are receiving all they are entitled to receive for their family. Field Officers can also provide you with information about additional services available.

It is important that you talk to your Field Officer to let them know that you still require the benefit, and confirm that the information we have such as your address is still correct. If you have any concerns about this process, you can contact Renee Graham at the Ministry of Social Development, National Office through the general enquiries line 0800 559 009 or Renee.Graham@msd.govt.nz.

GRG Trust wins the Community Spirit Award:

North Shore Community and Social services recognised the valuable work that GRG Trust does. We received a $100 cheque and a plague for the Community Spirit 2004.

GRG Research:

We have been contacted by a Lesley Read asking that we run her request in our newsletter:

Contact Lesley Read at 06 355 9194 or write to her a c/- Sociology, Social Policy & Social Work, Massey University, Private Bag 11 222 Palmerston North or email lesleyread@clear.net.nz

Child, Youth And Family Sees Steady Fall In Unallocated Cases And Rise In Notifications Press Release by Child, Youth and Family at 13:31, 15-07-2004

Notifications of suspected child abuse coming into Child, Youth and Family have increased by over 10,000 in the past year but the number of unallocated cases has steadily gone down over the past six months.

The latest figures for the year to end of June 2004 show that notifications to the Department stood at 43,143, up from 33,102 the year before (to end of June 2003) and 28,509 (year to end of June 2002).

Shannon Pakura, Acting General Manager Social Work Operations said: "Contributing factors to the growth in notifications are an increase in public awareness of the issue of child abuse, the initiatives from both Government and the community reinforcing the message that child abuse is not acceptable and the reporting of historical and recent child abuse cases."

In August 2003, the number of unallocated cases — those cases where a social worker was yet to be allocated to a case — stood at 1,222. After a sharp rise between September 2003 and January 2004, the Department has achieved some success in reducing the number of unallocated cases despite an increase in notifications. In January 2004, the number of unallocated cases stood at 4,600, in April at 4,500, in May at 3,800 and in June at 3,600.

Once a case is allocated, a social worker will carry out further investigation to establish whether any action or intervention by the Departmental is required or not.

On the whole, for the most critical and very urgent cases — where response times are 24 hours and 48 hours respectively - Child, Youth and Family has allocated these cases in a timely way.

During 2003, a Baseline Review of the Child, Youth and Family was undertaken which acknowledged that the Department was under considerable fiscal and service pressure. Since then there have been significant additional investment and structural changes to enable Child, Youth and Family to carry out its functions more effectively.

These include the recruitment of 93 additional social workers between December 2003 and June 2004, with a further 56 being recruited at the moment. There are also strategies, such as the Demand Management Strategy, being developed to improve workforce capability and to better manage workflow in order to continue the downward trend the Department has started seeing with regard to unallocated cases.

Shannon Pakura said: "The recommendations in the Baseline Review are aimed at improving the performance of the Department in a sustained way and the first phase has been to stabilise. The reduction in unallocated cases at a time when there has been a parallel increase in notifications is an encouraging sign that the goals of the Baseline Review are being fulfilled."

Whakatane & Bay of Plenty:

We send our kindest thoughts and wishes to those affected by the flooding in this region.

To our Co-ordinator Shirley and the many GRG’s in this area we are shocked at the footage of flooding we have seen on the news and we pray that you are safe and some normality will be soon coming your way.

The Blame Game: Interesting Article from Grandsplace.com

It is very typical for someone with mental health problems to honestly believe that everything that happens is someone else's fault. It’s much easier than admitting that most of the problems are of their own making and caused by their distorted thinking. So often, a person will take out their confusion and pain on those who try to care; on those who try to get close and try to stay close. Narcissism takes over. What is then experienced from the inside is a very deep and intense transference. (“It can’t be me. It must be you.”) What the problem adult feels deep inside often is a very large amount of pain. It is projected out on to the closest person who often is a parent figure. Yes Folks that’s you and me.

Add to that the fact that we grandparents have custody of the children of these adults with mental health issues and it gets to be an intolerable situation. Not only does our problem adult blame all his or her life style problems on us their parents, now they have what they see as “proof positive” of why we are not helping them. In their minds they think we just want their children and don’t care about them. Often they act jealous of the attention we give to the children.

Instead of living in the present they revert to things past and their often distorted memories of their childhood. They re-live every real or imagined slight they experienced as a child and do not see what is really happening in the present.

We end up not understanding what is unfolding with no chance to be able to find the right response, or enough of any response that will please the problem adult for long. He or she feels out of control in many situations and gets angry. He or she then demands more from us. We, are confused, we feel attacked and like we can't do anything "right" enough to help. If we try to explain it falls on deaf ears because the person we are dealing with is not living in the here and now. We begin to pull away, in one form or another. This only confirms the distorted belief in our adult child that we are abandoning him or her in favour of their children.

Well, within the scenario I've described above is the blame game. We feel blamed by our adult with mental health issues. He or she feels blamed and shamed and let down and abandoned by us. We then feel attacked by our problem adult. We may attack back. This leaves the problem adult the feeling like a helpless victim which will then precipitate either further acting out. We then find ourselves in a no-win situation. Our Problem adult keeps upping the anti, demanding what he/she needs and wants. At this point the he or she has regressed to a child-like state wherein they are the centre of the universe. This is their reality not ours. We are left with no idea now what is going on and what to do.

As parenting grandparents we too must guard against starting up a blame game of our own. It’s natural to think that finding the cause of a problem is the only way to find a solution but that is often not true. If our grandchild has a disability he or she has a disability. It does not matter if the disability was caused by the prenatal abuse of alcohol or other drugs or the abuse and/or neglect the child has suffered in the past. What matters is that we deal effectively with the disability rather than wasting our energy on placing blame. Knowing who caused the disability will not make it go away. We cannot change the past. We can only do our best to help the child and make her future the best it can be.

One of the side effects of the blame game hurts the very children we are here to protect. The constant back and forth battle of the blame game creates tension between us and our problem adult. The grandchild sees this and it creates confusion when the people they love accuse each other of wrongs. This puts the grandchildren in the position of taking sides and dividing their loyalties between the grandparents taking care of him or her and the parents that they still love.

We cannot focus on solutions to the problems if we are wasting our energy placing blame or defending ourselves against unwarranted blame by others. Usually the person with mental health issues cannot see their role in the blame game. There are no winners in the blame game. But if we become aware of the blame game we can refuse to play. Saying things like. “I’m not interested in why this happened, we just need to find a way to fix it.” Or “I’m sorry but I can’t think about who is to blame for this problem. Right now I need to concentrate on what to do about it.” helps bring the focus back to the problem and away from the personalities involved.

Blaming keeps everyone helpless. If we refuse to play the blame game our children and grandchildren will have a much easier time living, learning and growing to be responsible adults.

* Please feel free to send this report on to others whom you think may be interested:

Hitting Rock Bottom: