SUBJECT: National Office NZ Report October 2008
Greetings, Kia Ora koutou katoa hope this finds you all well.
GRG Trust Research:
Urgent folks, have you filled in your research and posted it back to us. If received via email have you completed it?
We need this back now PLEASE! Many thanks, to those that have done this.
Grandparents:
"Grandparents are those who come from far and go first to investigate further than life;
they are the old ones to respect so to be respected when old;
they are the past that lives in the present
and the kids are the present which will see the future"
The love of Ryan:
Now 6 and has shaken baby syndrome and is cortically blind:
I have just had a lovely surprise from Ryan..........To start, I had to have a shower....didn't get one yesterday, as soon as I was ready to get in the shower he filled his pants and took his nap off........a new favourite, I'll fix you for not paying me any attention Nana trick!!
So today he was listening to his new fave CD (Jeff Clarkson........awful if you ask me) and so I tiptoed to the bathroom…..and I might say had a wonderful 3 minute shower, with no little one opening the door and saying hello Nana, bra on !!!!Got out and had a listen, could still hear Jeff crooning away and Ryan doing bird imitations (Jeff does new wave bush n birds type music) so I leisurely dried, dressed and even cleaned my teeth.....smelt a lovely clean smell as I wandered out of the bedroom, clean, dressed and ready to start the day! I was met by a very nervous boy.....No Nana, no, no no Nana no...as he pushed me back into the bedroom...Now this is where the heart starts to sink....In the past week he has snapped off the tray on the DVD so no more DVD playing in this house, and he got my lovely digital camera, and goobied it...after it dried out the buttons no longer go......and we took his piano into get fixed as he had goobied that as well....to find out it is not worth fixing.....$1600....as opposed to $2000 for a new one...and we haven't finished paying for it yet!.......anyhow you can imagine how my thoughts were of complete, what the hell has he broken now panic!!! The lovely smell followed me and it was at this point I thought...that smell is not me!! Well, the hallway looked OK.....and so did the dining room...but the lounge......did you know it snows indoors in Auckland??? There was talcum powder over the entire carpet area and every chair, with particular attention paid to Pa's leather lazy boy. It was even on the walls and window!!! I turned probably, as I gasped in wonder....to find the delightful child...holding the hose to the vacuum cleaner.......Over an hour later, I have finished vacuuming and still need to go over walls, window, furniture, coffee tables and the lazy boy with a wet cloth......and I still have not found the container. Nana Julie
My Beautiful Grand-daughter:
We were in the local shopping center, window shopping. She is 14 and in my opinion quite stunning, does not dress like Paris Hilton, what I would call a respectful dresser. A man, and I do mean man (about 35) leaned out his car window and gave her a loud wolf whistle. Well, just as well his car moved off in the traffic, I can tell you! Now where can I get 14 tattooed on her forehead! Her comment: “Old man”, gosh I wonder what that makes us?
Children in Care: Source Social Service Providers Inc Newsletter:
At the end of June 4522 children and young people were in the care of CYFS. The annual bill for looking after them runs to 77.8 million and about ¾ of that is spent on children in Foster Care.
Of the 343 youngsters who achieved permanency goal in the year to May, 35% went home, 40% to extended family and 18% went to non kin Foster Care and 8% were old enough to live independently.
Now permanency plans must be prepared for all children within 3 months of them entering CYFS care. Social workers are expected to ensure that preschoolers are placed in permanent care within six months and school aged children within eighteen months. Abridged.
Therefore, if we take into account the extended families that have already taken children and young people under parenting orders, we must be huge, not to mention those that have just taken them under their wing, so to speak.
Are you on an Emergency Benefit from W & I?
And you have been on this benefit for a number of years? Then read carefully:
Grandmother received letter stating she needed to phone for an appointment for a review, letter also said, “If you do not attend this appointment we may stop your Benefit”. (‘unnecessary we felt’ and this caused much distress to Gran concerned) We attended with her. She had been on the EB for 6 years and we were told that they are doing reviews on all those on EB, as it was supposed to be for a short time only. Fair enough. They wanted to put her on the DPB (which is now available to grandparents raising grandchildren, we were told that because she was older 59 and looking after children there would be no requirement for her to find work) She was not entitled to an Accommodation Allowance, as she is in a Housing NZ home. But this would mean she would lose her Unsupported Child Allowance she would be worse off by $80 + dollars per week. ‘Fortunately’ ( we use that word loosely) she is not well with a medical condition and therefore would be able to get a Sickness Benefit and still keep the UCB, which would mean she would only loose $20 odd dollars. We were told that reviews would be happening all over the Country in time. We also discovered that this Grandmother was only getting UCB for one child and the other child had just been added into her EB that was rectified! To lose $80 + will have devastating effects upon a family; even $20 is bad enough! One of our GRG’s has told us she will lose $150 per week when they transfer her over, she has had the letter!
Another grandmother registered with a different W & I office was put on DPB and she lost $160.00 per week, she has 3 grandchildren.
Now this is one of the reasons GRG Trust is so valuable:
We immediately swung into action about this as it appeared so unjust. We would like to give thanks to the following people for their assistance on this matter: Child Poverty Action Group: Judy Turner MP UnitedFuture: Ruth Dyson’s office: Terry Ututaonga (our regional Co Wellington)
It appeared that this scenario was only happening in the Auckland area. Instructions have been sent to all W&I office manager to stop this and all grand’s/Kin who have been moved on the DPB must be reinstated back to the EB. So if this has happened to you or happens to you in the future here is what you do.
The Ministry of Social Development has suggested if you are having problems with you EB please contact Jeremy Wilson - National Manager Service Development. Jeremy can be contacted on (04) 917 8129 or by email at jeremy.wilson008@msd.govt.nz. If you are having ‘other’ issues with benefits perhaps you could chat to Jeremy about this also.
Tai Tokerau Foster/Whanau Care
Regional Conference Whangarei
When: Friday 28th November 2008 - 9am till 3.30pm
Where: Barge Showgrounds Events Centre, State Highway 14, Maunu, Whangarei.
Programme Includes:
• Child’s Lawyer
• Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust Field Officer Robyn Corrigan
• National Caregiver Training Programme
• NZFFCF Consultant Jill Worrall ( also Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust Board member)
• Foster Care Story
• Enquiries to Yvonne on (09) 435 4111
• Light lunch supplied
• Cost $20……..GRG members free
Robyn Corrigan has donated her time to this event to enable GRG members to attend free of charge. Please tell Yvonne you are a GRG member when registering. return to top
Just because I laugh at life, doesn’t mean I don’t take it seriously. Anon
The Grandchild.
She smiles she laughs, She jumps and skips;
Walks beside be - holds my hand -
Looks up and smiles.
What goes on in the head
Of this child whose mother is dead?
She swings, she skips
She dances and plays.
She says "I love you".
Gives me a hug.
What does the future hold
For this young child, as I grow old? MaggieC
Hot Tip from Parents Inc
Each family member makes three vouchers to share with parents and siblings. Children love preparing and delivering them as much as receiving them. Start the ball rolling with a few ideas:
For children to offer
• 30 minutes free tidy up
• 30 minutes uninterrupted time for Mum
• 30 minutes of gardening help
For siblings to offer
• A free turn of special toy or game
• A helping hand with a tidy up job
• An invite to play a board game
For parents/grandparents to offer
• Free trip anywhere in the car under 10 km’s
• Favourite meal cooked
• 30 minutes of playing with children
• One on one baking opportunity return to top
Schizophrenia Fellowship New Zealand
Te Ropu Manaaki i te Wairua Tuakoi Aotearoa
Supporting Families in Mental Illness
Our Mission: To provide the best possible education, advocacy and support for family/ whanau of people experiencing a major mental illness
We believe that families/whanau / aiga can play a key role in the recovery process for someone who experiences a mental illness.
We use the terms 'family', 'whanau' and 'aiga' to describe anyone who cares for or supports a person experiencing serious mental illness.
SF New Zealand has 21 branches nationwide – committed to providing the best possible information, support, education and advocacy for families/ whanau/'Aiga with a member experiencing serious mental illness.
SF New Zealand National Office, based in Wellington, provides high-level advocacy on issues of concern to families with a member experiencing mental illness. We produce a range of mental health resources and provide information and support to SF Branches nationwide.
Branch Contact List:
Aoraki
Ph: (03) 684 4523
Fax: (03) 684 4524
Email: sfai@xtra.co.nz
Auckland
Ph: (09) 378 9134
Fax: (09) 378 6783
Email: admin@SFauckland.org.nz
www.sfauckland.org.nz
Canterbury
Ph/Fax: (03) 348 7139
Email: sfcanterbury@paradise.net.nz
Central Otago
Ph: (03) 448 9303
Email: info@sfcentral.org.nz
www.sfcentral.org.nz
Eastern Bay of Plenty
Ph: (07) 308 9430
Fax: (07) 308 9432
Email: sfwhakatane@xtra.co.nz
Manawatu
Ph: (06) 355 8561
Fax: 06-355 8562
Email: manawatu.s.f@xtra.co.nz
Web: www.manawatusf.org.nz
Marlborough
Ph: (03) 577 5491
Fax: (03) 577 5492
Email: sfmarlb@xtra.co.nz
Nelson
Ph/Fax: (03) 546 6090
Email: office@sfnelson.org.nz
www.sfnelson.org.nz
Northland
Ph: (09) 430 3844
Fax: (09) 430 3845
Email: rowan@sfnorthland.org.nz
Otago
Ph: (03) 455 5973
Fax: (03) 455 0035
Email: admin@sfotago.org.nz
www.supportingfamiliesotago.org.nz
Pegasus Bay
Ph: (03) 366 9284
Fax: (03) 377 7947
Email: sfpb@xtra.co.nz
Rotorua
Ph/Fax: (07) 346 3507
Email: sf.rotorua@xtra.co.nz
Southland
Ph: (03) 218 2100
Fax: (03) 218 2104
Email: sfsld@xtra.co.nz
Tairawhiti
Ph/Fax: (06) 868 5295
Email: sfgisborne@xtra.co.nz
Taranaki
Ph: (06) 757 9300
Fax: (06) 757 3670
Email: sf.newplymouth@xtra.co.nz
Waikato
Ph: (07) 839 7069
Fax: 07-839 0175
Email: office@sfwaikato.org.nz
Wairarapa
Ph: (06) 377 3081
Fax: (06) 377 5263
Email: admin@sfwai.org.nz
www.sfwai.org.nz
Waitaki
Ph/Fax: (03) 434 1130
Email: sfwaitakiinc@xtra.co.nz
Wanganui
Ph/Fax: (06) 345 3301
Email: sfwang@xtra.co.nz
Wellington
Ph: (04)499 1049
Fax: (04)499 1063
West Coast
Ph: (03) 768 4290
Fax: (03) 768 4265
Email: sfnz-westcoast@xtra.co.nz
Email: enquiries@atareira.org.nz
Web: www.atareira.org.nz return to top
Bullying: Help your child handle a school bully: Source. Mayo clinic
Childhood bullying can have lifelong consequences. Listen to your child's concerns. Then help your child create a plan to stop bullying in its tracks.
Bullying was once considered a childhood rite of passage. Today, however, bullying is recognized as a serious problem. Up to half of all children are bullied at some point during their school years, according to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. And thanks to tech-savvy kids, cyber bullying and other forms of electronic harassment are now commonplace — even in elementary schools.
To help your child handle school bullying, learn to recognize it — and know how to respond.
Types of bullying
Any child can be bullied, particularly younger children and those who have few friends or are easily intimidated. At any age, bullying can take many forms. For example:
• Physical bullying includes hitting, punching, kicking and other types of physical harm, as well as destruction of a child's property.
• Verbal bullying includes teasing, name-calling, taunting and racial slurs, as well as spreading gossip or malicious rumors.
• Cyber bullying includes harassing e-mails or instant messages, as well as intimidating or threatening Web sites or blogs.
The consequences of bullying
Children who are bullied may be afraid to go to school. They may complain of headaches or stomachaches and have trouble concentrating on schoolwork. In the long term, the consequences of bullying may be even more severe. Children who are bullied have higher rates of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and other mental health conditions. Children who are bullied are more likely to think about suicide. Some of these wounds may linger into adulthood.
Warning signs of bullying
If your child is being bullied, he or she may remain quiet out of fear, shame or embarrassment. Be on the lookout for these warning signs:
• Damaged or missing clothing or other personal belongings
• Unexplained bruises or other injuries
• Few friends or close contacts
• Reluctance to go to school
• Poor school performance
• Headaches, stomachaches or other physical complaints
• Trouble sleeping or eating return to top
What to do if your child is being bullied
If you suspect that your child is being bullied, take the situation seriously:
• Encourage your child to share his or her concerns. Remain calm, listen in a loving manner and support your child's feelings. Express understanding and concern. You might say, "I understand you're having a rough time. Let's work together to deal with this." Remind your child that he or she isn't to blame for being bullied.
• Learn as much as you can about the situation. Ask your child to describe how and when the bullying occurs and who is involved. Ask if other children or adults have witnessed any bullying incidents. Find out what your child may have done to try to stop the bullying.
• Teach your child how to respond to the bullying. Don't promote retaliation or fighting back against a bully. Instead, encourage your child to maintain his or her composure. He or she might say, "I want you to stop now," and then simply walk away. Suggest sticking with a friend or group of friends while on the bus, in the cafeteria or wherever the bullying seems to happen. Remind your child that he or she can ask teachers or other school officials for help.
• Contact school officials. Talk to your child's teacher, the school counselor and the school principal. If your child has been physically attacked or otherwise threatened with harm, talk to school officials immediately to help determine if the police should be involved. Don't contact the bully's parents yourself. You may also want to encourage school officials to address bullying as part of the curriculum.
• Follow up. Keep in contact with school officials. If the bullying seems to continue, be persistent.
• Boost your child's self-confidence. Help your child get involved in activities that can raise self-esteem, such as sports, music or art. Encourage your child to make contact with friendly students in his or her class and develop his or her social skills.
• Know when to seek professional help. Consider professional or school counseling for your child if his or her fear or anxiety becomes overwhelming.
If your child is being bullied, remember that early intervention can help prevent lasting problems — such as depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. Don't leave your child to handle it alone. Your child needs your support now more than ever.
oooo0000oooo
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce.
Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress!
Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused.
"Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.
Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."
A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress.
When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."
Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."
NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY?
ooo0000oooo
Further in this series from attach-china
http://www.attach-china.org/
Children's Reactions to Trauma
by Lynne Lyon, MSW
Q: How do I know if my child's control issues are related to attachment problems or PTSD and why is attachment therapy recommended for both? What can I do as a parent?
I think it is helpful to think of both Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as "trauma." An infant or child abandoned by the birth mother; neglected in the orphanage; sometimes abused or injured; then put in the arms of complete strangers from a different culture is going to be traumatized. These children attempt to control because they are afraid to trust the adults around them. Control for them means survival. Giving in to mom or dad may feel like risking death.
Research about PTSD has shown that attachment to our family and community can not only mitigate the after effects of a traumatic event, but can also be the worst cause of trauma.
Children who were in a single traumatic event which did not involve interpersonal violence, like a hurricane fared much better when they were with their parents. Those with a secure attachment fared the best. They had a basic trust that the world was a safe place, and even though they might now be in the middle of a storm, it is an unusual event. The children who fared the worst were those who had poor attachments (had fewer feelings of trust) and/or who were taken out of their communities right after the traumatic event, i.e. if they had to evacuate and were separated from their family and community. They had nothing familiar to cling to.
Traumatic events which are caused by a close family member and result in physical harm or a major disruption in a child's life circumstances will have a worse effect on the victim than trauma inflicted by a stranger or non-human event. For example, abuse by a parent is a betrayal of trust, and is much worse than being in a hurricane. Someone traumatized by a family member is much more likely to develop PTSD.
So any child who has been abandoned and institutionalised is at significant risk for PTSD. They may have little or no attachment or trust to begin with, and when they are adopted, they are separated from their community again, increasing their risk for being traumatized. Many therapists think of RAD as a subset of PTSD. return to top
What Parents Can Do
The central concept that all texts on trauma emphasize is the attachment relationship. For adults, it's the relationship with a therapist or others who can help them process the trauma and learn to trust again. For children, it's us, the parents. So the first thing which must be done for a child with PTSD or RAD is to strengthen and secure their attachment to their parents.
Traumatized children try to have control of their environment and the people in them because they are afraid. But a child who is in control, by definition, is not safe. Parents have to provide the structure and routine that will help the child feel safe: a morning routine which is the same for waking, washing, dressing, feeding animals, eating breakfast, and going to school. On weekends, the morning routine can be the same, but instead of school, start chores. Make time each day for free play and special times for cuddling. Have meals at the same time each day, and a comforting bedtime routine. Scheduling something like Chinese food on Friday nights can become a fun ritual.
When the day is going to contain a special event, it is important to prepare the child ahead of time by describing the event and explaining what behaviour is expected of the child. When the special or new event is something that may be traumatizing for the child, such as starting school or a field trip where the child will be getting on a bus without mom, Deborah Gray, (Attaching in Adoption) recommends drawing a small book that the child can take with her. It is important that the book include a beginning picture of the child at home with her family, and the child returning home to her family at the end.
Set a Limit on Traumatic Re-enactments
Traumatized children will routinely act out their trauma in their play. In order for healing to occur, children need to change the ending to their story. They need to become the hero/heroine, not the victim. Sometimes a child will get stuck in the traumatic re-enactment and doesn't know how to move ahead. Parents should not hesitate to intervene.
For example, a child may replay being abandoned by her birthmother and being lost and alone. If the child seems unable to move ahead in developing a corrective version, a new mom can be found for the orphan. A child who is stuck in a kidnapping scenario may need help in imaging how to defeat the bad guy.
When a child is playing out abuse by having one toy attack another, Martha Welch, MD recommends that mom rescue and mother both the victim and the perpetrator, since each represents two sides of the child's psyche. That the victim needs rescuing is obvious. The perpetrator needs rescuing is not so intuitive, but it makes sense, since most violent perpetrators were victims themselves.
It is important not to let a child's traumatic play traumatize other children. Deborah Gray recommends that children get a parent or teacher if certain themes such as death, nudity or tragic accidents come into play - or if one of the children gets a scary feeling, even if they do not know why.
It may also be necessary to set a limit on the amount of time per day that a child can talk about her trauma. It is easy for certain themes to become obsessions. The child may simply not know how to move on to something else, even when the feelings are not resolved. Parents need to teach this skill of moving on and coming back to difficult feelings.
Many of the therapies which are described in the Treatment section are appropriate for children with PTSD, as well as the parenting techniques described in the Parenting section.
Deborah Gray has many excellent suggestions in her book Attaching in Adoption. return to top
________________________________________
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: A Parent-Oriented Checklist
from Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray, MSW, MPA
1. Children have been in an extraordinarily frightening situation that filled them with fear and dread - to the extent that they may not have been able to move or talk.
2. They are having dreams that cause them to wake up in terror. They seem to be recalling parts of a real experience.
3. They have tantrums or shut down in fear over incidents that remind them of the traumatic event.
4. Children complain of someone trying to harm them, and may seem to see that person's face through the window, in a crowd, etc. The "someone" is related to the trauma.
5. They act blank at times, and seem to lose their place in time. They are frightened rather than daydreaming.
6. They rage after being exposed to something that reminds them of the frightening situation - hitting, punching and seeming to fight for their lives.
7. They have symptoms of being on high alert - not getting asleep easily or sleeping through the night, jumping at sudden noises, watching for clues of danger, concentrating poorly. return to top
Time with Grandchildren’ The Couch poll:
www.thecouch.org.nz/member.signup
People who sign up to The Couch receive polls on family issues every six to eight weeks, and the results are available once the polls have been analysed. Polls are shared with relevant government and community agencies, used to shape or add to Families Commission research, and, where appropriate, to back up the Commission’s advocacy on family issues.
Two versions of the ‘Time with Grandchildren’ poll are running – one is for grandparents and the other is for parents with children living at home who have one or more grandparents who are still alive. With 27 questions, the polls are a little longer than usual. However, you can at any time save your answers and go back to the poll later.
The poll does not focus specifically on grandparents raising grandchildren, but many of the questions will be applicable.
DANGEROUS CHOCOLATE CAKE-IN-A-MUG
1 coffee mug
4 Tbsp. cake flour (plain, not self-rising)
2 Tbsp. sugar
2 Tbsp. cocoa
1 egg
3 Tbsp. milk
3 Tbsp. oil
Small splash of vanilla
3 Tbsp. chocolate chips, optional…or nuts or fruit…….
Add dry ingredients to mug, mix well with a fork.
Add egg, mix thoroughly.
Pour in milk and oil and vanilla, mix well.
Add chips, if using.
Divide mixture between 2 mugs….Put mugs in microwave, and cook for three minutes on
1000 watts. Cake will rise over top of mug--do not be alarmed!
Allow to cool a little; tip onto a plate if desired. Eat! (This can serve two if
you want to feel slightly more virtuous.) ***And WHY is this the most
dangerous cake recipe in the world? Because now we are all only five
minutes away from chocolate cake any time of the day or night!!!***
Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate
aging baby boomers.
They include:
Bobby Darin
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flush.
Herman's Hermits
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker .
Ringo Starr
I Get By With a Little Help From my Depends.
The Bee Gees
How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.
Roberta Flack---
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
Johnny Nash
I Can't See Clearly Now.
Paul Simon
Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
The Commodores
Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
Leo Sayer
You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
The Temptations
Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.
Abba
Denture Queen.
Tony Orlando
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
Helen Reddy
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
Leslie Gore---
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.
And Last but NOT least
Willie Nelson
On the Commode Again !!!
Di
National Convenor and the team.
E te Atua, aroha mai..... O God shower us with love
Ka kite
* Please feel free to send this report on to others whom you think may be interested:
* Please pass this on to other grandparents/kin carers you know of.
* Views expressed in this newsletter may not be the views of the GRG Trust.
* GRG Trust Head Office hours are 9am-3pm daily. (We raise grandchildren too)
* We are totally a voluntary organisation.
* All donations to the GRG Trust are tax deductible.
Abbreviations:
• GRG – Grandparents Raising Grandchildren ™
• H/O – Head Office
• H/B – Handbook
• BOT – Board of Trustees
• CYF – Child Youth & Family Services
• Co’s – Co-ordinator/s
• UCB – Unsupported Child Benefit.
• WINZ – Work & Income NZ now DWI – Department of Work & Income
• Grands – Grandparents
• G/c – grandchild/ren
Posted: Wed 01 Oct 2008
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