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November 2008SUBJECT: National Office NZ Report November 2008Greetings, Kia Ora koutou katoa hope this finds you all well. Carer member Data base: 3818 "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world: indeed it is the only thing that ever has." I decided to teach my Grand-daughter to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "You mean you can do all that, but you can't operate my Game Boy?" – Anonymous A Quiet Afternoon at the Lake: by Connie TomThe water shimmered in the summer sun as we ran toward the lake. Though terrified of going in on my own, I loved gazing at the reflections of the blue sky and puffy white clouds held in its depths. At four years old, my hair was still in pigtails, and I was wearing my bright pink ruffle-skirted bathing suit. As I timidly approached the water's edge, my grandmother swooped me up and slowly waded into the lake. Lapping against my grandmother's legs, the water splashed my feet and tickled my toes. My brother and sister were not far from us, and cool drops sprinkled my face as they threw themselves into the water competing to see who could make the biggest splash. My grandma was waist deep before she started lowering me into the water. Once I figured out what she doing, I threw my arms around her waist, clung to her for dear life and cried for mercy. Perhaps this is a good time to mention that for as long as I can recall, my biggest fear has been drowning. Even as an adult, a trickle of panic takes hold of me whenever I choke on my drink or get water up my nose. As a child, my symptoms were much worse. I refused to dip my head under the water at bath time so my parents could wash my hair. If they tried turning the shower on to rinse me off after my bath, I screamed bloody murder, much the way I was that afternoon at the lake. My grandmother murmured that she had hold of me and I would be alright. With one arm supporting my chest and the other supporting my legs, she told me to kick my legs and paddle with my arms. I can't say for sure what it was in her voice that calmed me, but once I realized she wasn't going to let go, I began plunking my legs up and down delighting in the water that rained down all around us. My grandmother encouraged me to paddle with my arms, and as I did, she tentatively let me go. For a second before I realized what was going on and began thrashing about in a panic, I swam. While I didn't fully conquer my fear of swimming that afternoon, my grandmother set in motion the ability to face my fears rather than letting them get the best of me. After this experience, I was more willing to learn how to swim, and once I did, my parents often referred to me as a fish. I grew to adore swimming so much that I'd spend an entire afternoon splashing around in the water. I'm grateful for this lesson because now that I'm all grown up, I'm faced with much larger, more significant fears. Whenever these fears take of hold of me today, I think back to my grandmother's soothing words and know that "everything is going to be alright." return to top GRG Research 08:This will be the last call to get this in for us. Cut off date will be December 10th 08. Thanks to all who have done this. Question: Re W & IAs a single grandparent on the DPB with 4 children can I also get UCB for the children? W & I Experience:Had an experience I wouldn't like to repeat today. Went to W & I to ask for a food grant and got turned down because I did not have receipts for all I had spent over the last week. The mini bank statement was not good enough. AND was told it is not an ENTITLEMENT you don't automatically receive assistance "We may be able to assist you, if you can prove that the money was spent on "Necessary" things" (took the time to show me that was what it said on his computer screen) Miserable sod didn't even offer me a tissue when I was crying. Just said he had to have it so he could show the auditors and I could just go across the road to the bank and get a full statement and that might be enough, but I was not in a fit state to do that. New GRG Support Co’s:
Barbara & John Sterling have taken over the role as Co’s for Dargaville. They are raising a 13 year old girl they have had for 3 years. Contacts are: Ph 09 439 4555 email barbara.riversideprint@ihug.co.nz Welcome & thank you both. Congratulations President Obama:Obama was raised by his grandmother and sadly she died before seeing him win the race. But I am sure she had an overwhelming sense of pride and was indeed smiling from Heaven. Never under estimate what a difference, each and every one of you, make, to the lives of the children we raise. It may not be apparent now, but at sometime in their lives your influence will have an impact. Christmas Time:Well folks we are heading into the December month, and we would like to make our last newsletter of the year full of joy and inspiration. Email or post your stories, about you and your grand’s for this issue. No names etc and before the 10th December please. ? return to top Bullying Article in last newsletter:
School Policy. The Baby Swallows are learning to fly:2 minutes before our one was to leave for the school bus. Thought for the day:Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray. How to cope with violent outbursts from a child with Aspergers:Question: How to deal with violent outbursts during fits of frustration (i.e.: hitting, throwing stuff, yelling). Especially at school. Obviously prevention is key, but any tips would be helpful. Reasoning or debating an issue with your child to justify your expectations will not change her behaviour. She wants to satisfy her needs, not satisfy your wants. She is not likely to empathize with you or acknowledge anyone’s objections to her behaviour. You need to be “concrete” with her. In other words, tell her that the inappropriate thing she wants or the unacceptable behaviour that she is demonstrating is not allowed. She needs to follow structured, consistent rules which will assist in modifying her behaviour. Don’t give in to hitting, throwing things, or yelling, no matter how hard it is not to. The importance of maintaining a daily routine cannot be overstressed. Consistent behaviours, obligations, etc. will help reduce your child’s aggressive and violent behaviours. Daily routine creates stability and comfort for Asperger’s children; also, it helps to lessen their need to make demands on you. When you establish a routine, you eliminate some of the situations in which your daughter becomes demanding. For example, by building in regular times to give her attention, she may have less need to show aggression to try to get your attention. Children who get what they want because of their violence or aggression are very likely to continue and escalate that behaviour. In time, your child must learn to appropriately communicate the cause of her aggression and get her needs met through that communication. A behaviour-modification program may help your daughter. This program must be designed for individual children because people with Asperger’s Syndrome vary greatly in their handicaps and family circumstances. Please note that some treatment approaches that work in certain cases may not work in others. Also, children with Asperger’s have difficulty generalizing learned experiences from one setting to another. As a result, the skills they learned in a hospital or school tend not to be transferred to the home or other settings. Asperger’s Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage and Meltdowns – Revised and Expanded Edition by Brenda Smith Myles & Jack Southwick is a great place to learn more on the subject. The Purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble. Connecting the Pieces: By Diane Kratt (Book Review)
I am an educator with a Master's Degree in Child Development - yet, as a parent, I could not control my son's behavior, nor did I understand the origin of his irritability. I was on a continual search for the right technique or the correct diagnosis. At 6, he was diagnosed with ADHD; for 6 more years we tried various medications and treatments. As he got older, his anger increased, and his self-esteem decreased. I eventually took him to Brain Matters, where SPECT imaging was used to observe brain functioning. The results made it clear that he was suffering not from ADHD, but from an early-onset bipolar disorder. Difficult news - but finally, we were able to treat it correctly. To help parents and grandparents figure this out faster than we did, I've written a book, Connecting the Pieces: The Discovery of Early-Onset Bipolar Disorder. To order Diane's book visit: www.thebrainpiece.com. Courtesy of July-August issue of Grand, "Help for Bipolar Kids" by Diane Kratt. E-zine: http://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/grand/20080708/ Further in this series from attach-chinahttp://www.attach-china.org/ The foster mother held her when I entered the building, and then whispered something to her. My daughter called me her mom, pointing to my photo in a necklace I had sent her, now hung around her neck. She did not cry, stared at me, and seemed quietly anxious and curious. She didn't want to go to anyone else after I had her, she just wanted me to carry her. I was amazed and pleased with the easy transition! Little did I know! She was clingy and somber the rest of the day, but did not cry or act like she wanted to go back. She was brighter in the hotel, after her bath and new clothes. She began to chatter to me more, and became animated, entertaining. She didn't seem afraid at all, seemed happy, and not sad. She went to sleep next to me in the bed fairly easily. She slept well that night. In the morning she was happy, cheerful, playful and funny. We visited the orphanage the third day, and she played with the other toddlers and acted very happy to see them. She enjoyed seeing her foster mom, too, although when it was time to leave she did so eagerly. In fact, she seemed worried that I would leave her, and so kept her eye on me as I got ready to go. She still did not show any sadness or grief until later that night. When it began, it was a sad moaning while she stood in the corner, not really crying. I held her and she stopped. As the night wore on she did cry some, and was very clingy. The next day she began raging tantrums. She still didn't cry much, but threw herself down on the floor and screamed, threw things, and raged. Nothing could distract her from these rages, she could not be held or restrained or stopped. The more I tried to soothe her the more intense the attacks would get. I found that if I just ignored her they went away faster. They would persist for one or two hours before stopping in tears. This was very disturbing and scary for me, and these attacks were far more intense than anything I had ever seen in any toddler before. Her screams were so tortured! I had read about toddler adoption before my trip, and they said tantrums were normal forms of grief, so I didn't become concerned that she had any problems. After we got home we found she was charming to everyone she met. She was like that to all of us, like a little performer, animated and cute. She would take the hand of anyone and crawl onto a lap, then caress their face or their hair, as if she were their child. We knew this was an attachment disorder symptom, and her familiarity with strangers was very disturbing. She would have left with anyone in church or a store, without looking back. We were always scared to have her in public unless she could be restrained in a cart or stroller. She never looked for us if we were out, she just would take off. The summer was wonderful with her. Her tantrums diminished within a couple of weeks, because we would ignore them. When she writhed on the floor we walked over her, ignoring her, or put her into another room so we could still hear each other talk. If only we had known about her problems and Holding Time then! We had the perfect opportunity to treat her for attachment disorder then, but in our ignorance we missed it. After she got over the rage attacks and tantrums she became quite charming and fun. About five months after we brought her home, our daughter transformed. She still acted cheery and funny for dad, so he didn't see her change. But when she and I were alone in the house she became clingy, needy, disobedient, defiant, sneaky, destructive, and made the same irritating messes each day no matter how much I told her not to. I couldn't figure out why she was so hard to teach or control, and why she was bothering me. I thought she needed more structure and activities, so I increased her structure and we began to go out every day to do something. Some days it was just to stroll around the supermarket in a cart, just so she could charm the public and get out. Some days I felt more like her activity director than her mom, and resented her for it. I have always enjoyed having young children around, but never had one that was so much work. Then she began to accelerate her attacks on the family, even began to include dad in it. She could not be happy or let us be happy, either. She continued her destruction, disobedience, hyperactivity, her constant talking which was like torture, and we were all feeling annoyed by her. I began to think of disrupting the adoption. Things were harder than they ever had been for me, and I was depressed all the time. I was unable to get anything done, because she could never be trusted and was so demanding. She began to tell fantastic lies about the other kids, trying to get them in trouble and gain sympathy for herself. She could be quite a convincing actress, with a real tear in her eye and a tremble in her voice, as she told how her brother had hit her in the face. I often was with all the kids during the time she said the incident occurred, and so knew she was lying. The thought of her doing this at school, telling a teacher that we beat or abused her, was terrifying! We could lose all of our kids just because she lied about us! I have a friend whose daughter from China has Reactive Attachment Disorder. She suggested our daughter might have the disorder, too. I looked at the Attachment Symptoms List and saw her there, very clearly. I joined a support group on the internet and they confirmed and validated my feelings. I read everything I could find on the net about RAD and began to use the things I read about. I began to speak to her about her losses, her birth family, her anger and other feelings she had trapped inside. I began to hold her regularly, feeding her a bottle and talking to her like a baby. She became infantile in her speech and actions during these times. I played attachment games and kept a better eye on her, trying to treat her more at her emotional age than her chronological age. She became a full time project, and it seemed like she was a bottomless pit of neediness. Some days I could hold her for hours and she would just suck it up, not wanting it to end. It was draining for me. We didn't see much improvement in her until I had been doing this for about a month. Then we could see subtle changes in her, she was better. It was working! This encouraged me to work harder and try more things, and to stick it out. She still kept a tight lid on her emotions. I read "Holding Time," by Martha Welch, and tried things that way. She would rarely rage or cry like the kids in that book. In the beginning she would become stiff when I held her, sit up a lot, try to get away, fidget, wriggle, and squirm. After a few weeks she began to relax and mould to me. After that, all she wanted was to be held and spoken to, to make eye contact forever. She still was fake happy all the time, not showing her real feelings. I began to see that when she was angry about something, that was when she would destroy things or get into trouble. She could not tell me of her anger, but would take it out on her victim in sneaky and hurtful ways. I started to work on helping her attach her feelings to words that described them. We played face games, where I would make faces showing various emotions and name them, then have her guess what the emotion was, then later she would do different faces and I would guess them. Then I would speak for her, saying, "I'm feeling mad," or whatever emotion she was having. I would tell her she was having a feeling and then ask her which one it was: happy, sad, mad, or scared. She began to be able to nod when I hit the right one. When she gets hyper or talkative or her face shows a feeling, we connect the feeling to its emotion and try to get her to open up about it and experience it. If she looks sad but denies it, I show her the mirror so she can see how she looks when she is sad. We have seen a dramatic decrease in her annoying and destructive behaviours lately. She does backslide often, taking steps back after making progress. We understand this is normal. We now can anticipate some of her triggers and arrange our lives so that we don't set her off. She is able to relax and be quiet, play with her toys alone or with other kids, is potty trained, eating normally, is rarely hyper or talkative, takes a good nap each day, goes to bed at night without struggle, and her face even looks different. She shows a wider range of emotions. Her smile just seems more genuine now. RAD can be treated and our daughter can learn coping skills which will help her live a normal life. She will be able to love and trust, although no one can predict to what degree. It's amazing how quickly some children build defences around their emotions, and then how long it takes to tear them down. Parents Inc hot tip:Establish clearly that in every family, there are regular tasks to do that are part of being in a team. They are not attached to any monetary payment. When your child is old enough, work out an allowance that she can receive regularly. Use this allowance to teach about saving, giving and spending and establish what your child will be responsible for buying. E.g. bus ticket, presents, treats and prepay phone. Have a list of ‘extra’ jobs that enable your child to earn additional pocket money for special projects. Simple &Tasty Lemon Chicken:
6-8 Boneless Chicken Thigh meat Stress
A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience, What is Glandular Fever?Grand-daughter 16 years old, woke with neck glands the size of mini golf balls and could not move her neck, so off to Doctor as NCEA exams started the next week. He suspected Glandular Fever and blood tests were done. So what is this? Infectious mononucleosis, commonly known as glandular fever, is a viral infection, which is caused by the Epstein-Barr virus. The disease is, among other things, characterized by a sore throat, swollen lymph nodes and extreme fatigue. Young people aged between 10 and 25 years are most vulnerable to this infection. The treatment is to ease the symptoms, and the illness usually passes without serious problems. return to top How is glandular fever contracted? The infection is caused by the Epstein-Barr virus, which is transferred from one person to another in saliva. Kissing is one obvious way by which the disease can be transmitted. However, the infection is also spread via airborne droplets. The incubation period from infection to when the symptoms first appear is between 30 and 50 days. What are the symptoms of glandular fever? The diagnosis is made on the grounds of the symptoms, blood samples and a throat swab. Good advice Theoretically, there is a risk of damage to the spleen while participating in heavy physical activities such as those involving body contact. Therefore, it is recommended not to exercise until four weeks after the disease has ended. Because of the severe fatigue, it may take several months before the patient is perfectly fit again after glandular fever, but the majority of people recover much more quickly. Future prospectsGlandular fever usually takes two to four weeks and resolves itself without complications. In about 3 per cent of all cases, it goes on longer. After having the disease, a person will have lifelong immunity to it, so will not catch it again. In rare cases, there are complications. Possible, but rare, complications are: How is glandular fever treated ?There is no efficient treatment of infections caused by the Epstein-Barr virus other than to ease the symptoms. Let us not grow weary while doing good, Naku noa na / Regards E te Atua, aroha mai..... O God shower us with love
Posted: Sat 01 Nov 2008 |