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October Newsletter 2009Greetings, Kia Ora koutou katoa we hope this finds you all well. We can and do make a difference in a child’s life. We ALL walk this path and share this journey together.
Who are you? We have a very generous benefactor whom every month posts us a cheque, no return address, just the cheque in many varied envelopes. If you are reading this, would you like to pop in your details as these cheques are tax deductible for you? We are deeply touched by your generosity and we are astounded each and every month. God bless YOU!
Tokoroa Gran’s: Single Grandma raising a 4 year old grandson and would like contact from other Grand’s in her area. In the first instant contact Di at National office 0800 472 637 Merv 75, sick, raising child on a pension: Wairarapa Times-Age Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Support Group Wairarapa branch vice chairman Merv Archer and branch co-ordinator Wendy Archer, who have legal guardianship of their great granddaughter, Lily, 4. Lily Archer turns five next year. There will be gifts and games and a big celebration. Her great-grandfather Merv Archer, 75, shares custody of Lily at a rented home in Masterton alongside wife, Wendy, 68. He is unsure if he will make the party. Their pensioner household will not bear an extravagant birthday for Lily until next year and Merv was diagnosed with cancer a fortnight ago after surviving a heart attack four years earlier. "This is all about Lily and giving her a childhood like any other - even if I'm not around to see it," he said. The couple won custody of Lily when she was three months old, Merv said. Lily's mother, their granddaughter, did not contest guardianship and has not made contact for two years. Merv is the Wairarapa branch vice chairman of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren and Wendy is co-ordinator for the regional organisation, which was founded four years ago. Lives similar to their own are being led by at least 32 other "retread" parents and fellow GRG members now raising more than 40 grandchildren or great-children in Wairarapa, he said. Things are "hard all over" when you're raising children on a pension, he said, and ill health is stalking your otherwise golden years. Merv and Wendy were only weeks in to their retirement when Lily arrived at the doorstep and cut short their plans to manage motels while traveling New Zealand. Wendy said Child Youth and Family, which makes supplementary funding available to foster parents but not them has financially frustrated the pension-dependent family ever since. She said the raising of the Unsupported Child Benefit in April to the same base weekly payment made to fosteparents, is a move in the right direction. Today the couple are scrambling to keep Lily in a nearby Montessori school that a judge ordered CYF to pay inFebruary. "Lily is thriving there and pulling her out is an absolute last resort. I'm not sure how long the school can wait but the crunch is coming if CYF don't do what they've been told." Wendy however finds for her "the worst part" is the social desert retread parents are forced to wander."The fact is you lose all your friends. You can't do this or that because you're stuck with a child," she said."We do meet young people when we take Lily swimming, or to the library, or dancing but we don't socialise because they're 40 years younger than us." The report revealed that 22 percent of the 205 respondents have a total family income of less than $20,000 a year and 25 percent less than $30,000. "Deterioration in their own health as they advance in years, expensive legal wrangles to maintain custody and a need for family were expressed, along with a need for better and affordable housing, assistance with education costs and clothing in many cases," she said. GRG Trust founder Diane Vivian said kin carers would remain unfairly burdened as long as they are barred from ancillary benefits for clothing, health and medical and education costs. "Many grandparents still face extreme hardship meeting the costs associated with caring for children who need ongoing specialist medical, therapeutic or educational help as a result of the abuse and trauma they suffered beforetheir grandparents stepped in to care for them," she said. Merv agrees that parity between kin carers and foster parents must be established although his health today isforemost for himself and Wendy. He said some close friends have been told he has cancer and a secondary test in December will determine "just how bad it is". Lily need not know, he said, and whatever the test outcome her big party will still go ahead. "Old friends have asked if there's any resentment about being parents again. There's no real end result this time but we've had Lily four years now and that's what we do, we don't resent it," Merv said. "I couldn't imagine living without Lily." People his own age have also asked how he stays upbeat when the chips are down, he said "I tell them to wake up to themselves, and get a four-year-old."
Your Voices: Thank you so much for all the fantastic information and stories which are shared regularly, it’s a blessing to have this great organisation. The Merv, Wendy and Lily article is extremely challenging for all concerned, as they struggle to love and support what is top priority in their lives. Facing health, legal and financial struggles, further debilitating their lively hood to do the best for their sweet great grandchild Lily. I can only relate to the love they give as I am raising one of my grandchildren since birth, she is four and a half now and the most satisfying thing I have experienced thus far, but yes it is hard work and I am only 40 years of age, not in my retirement years. All grandparents and great grandparents are heroes and deserve to have support from government departments and not be penalised and placed through all the bureaucratic rubbish when there is a genuine need to be met for children and caregivers through no fault of their own. Keep up the good work thank you so much for what you do. --------------------------- Thanks for sharing Merv & Wendy's story with us. What a lovely couple. My heart goes out to them in their situation but the remarkable thing is that they are carrying on as per 'normal'...what's normal!!! I identify with Wendy in that it is a social desert. There are 1 or 2 very close friends we have kept contact with and they are a real encouragement but sometimes it is just too hard to get out and actually just much easier to stay home except for doing children's activities which are a must. -------------------------- We’ve got four natural children and three grandchildren from them and another on the way. We also have four adopted children living at home, aged 17, 11, 8 and 4, all from the same birth mum. She looks upon us as her parents. We’re both 58. Our best friends at church tend to be 20 to 30 years younger than us! None of these 8 children have ever been into drugs or booze or sex…in fact, they see virginity and even emotional purity as precious things. Our secret is that we make no apologies for training them clearly and vigorously in what is right and wrong. They aren’t confused by the myriad value systems out there which encourage you to question everything, even your own gender. That’s because, until they are old enough to think for themselves, we don’t immerse them in a zoo of competing world views. Instead, we have kept all of these children away from schooling institutions and taught them ourselves at home. This has been the most glorious experience of having cooperative and polite children – even teens – who actually enjoy being at home, of seeing them all develop into well-educated and well-socialised individuals without ever having to worry where they are or about them being defiled or bullied during the day. Protect the children and preserve your own sanity: rescue them from the schools and do the job yourself at home. You cannot lose. Nether will the children. C & B --------------------------- Ouch: We all went snow ski-ing, Grand-daughter being her usual self, out of control (in a different way) and I tried to help her, not content in wiping me out she then landed on my knee. Well, that wrecked the weekend and husband insisted on coming home early and taking me to hospital. I had a particularly bad wrench and fortunately no broken bones. Eventually I got fed up with the crutches and splint, so threw them away. Walking much better but slowly, the left leg is still not to keen on going up steps first or even coming down last but my doctor assures me it will take time and carry on doing what I am doing. Just as well we are at the end of netball season as I cannot run (interfered with two games only). I think my snow ski-ing is finished for this season though. DARN. Gran Shirley -------------------------- We are grandparents; our daughter died a year ago & left a 4 year old boy who went into foster care to start with. As he is special needs (actually he is autistic) to make matters worse he wasn’t getting the care he needed so we stepped in & took over .Well the house has become a bomb site (lol) special gates etc to keep him in .I’m 65 & was going to retire but not now have my own business. Had a cancer op myself a year ago, but ok so far. Grandma is not to good either .but we wouldn’t have it any other way J & L -------------------------- I have been receiving you news letters for approx 11years.I have had custody of my granddaughter from the age of 2yrs, she is now 14yrs. My story is similar to many stories I have read of Grand parents raising their grand children. My granddaughter came to my partner and with severe health problems and severely traumatized she has come a long way and her health is practically 100% improved, symptoms of trauma almost diminished, despite coping with learning difficulties, she is humming along quite well. We owe this to the fact that for this year she has been attending Salisbury School (for slow learners) in Nelson. She has the remainder of this year and next year to complete, she comes home in the holidays and we really look forward to her home coming and noticing the changes is just great, I really do not know how we would have coped without this school, it is well structured which and is exactly what she needed, the progress is amazing, she is learning everyday skills and has over come may hurdles, flying between Auckland and Nelson being one of them, she is so proud of herself. Receiving great behavior and progress reports from her teacher and the staff at Salisbury gives us great satisfaction and we feel that all our hard work and efforts have been worth all the scarifies we have made for our grand daughter, this is the chance in life that she deserves. If there are any grand parents out there that could benefit from Salisbury School, the schools are funded through the Ministry of Education. Nan Averie Salisbury School: How to contact the school: Private Bag 1 Richmond Nelson 7031. Phone 03 544 8119 Email www.salisbury.school.nz they will send you a 16 Minute DVD plus an information pack. FAQ Q: My daughter is not coping at school and getting further behind in her work. Can you help her? A: The focus at Salisbury is on educating students, helping them attain to their maximum potential and where possible, returning them to their home communities as achievers. Q: My daughter doesn't make friends and gets picked on at school. Will she get help on this? A: Yes, she will. At Salisbury we teach our students how to be caring and get along with others, accepting each other's differences. Q: Do girls go home in the school holidays? I don't think that I could afford the travel fares. A: Yes, girls go home for the regular school holidays and the school arranges and pays for this travel. Q: Am I allowed to visit my daughter at Salisbury? A: Of course! Whanau are encouraged to visit the school, meet the staff and observe programmes. Accommodation is available for a limited time. Q: What about letters and phone calls? Can I keep in touch with my daughter? A: Family and friends are welcome to write. The girls love receiving mail and we get them to send letters home regularly. Phone calls are permitted. Q: How long do students stay at Salisbury? A: For as long as they make progress and benefit from the programmes. Average length of stay is 2 years. Q: How much does it cost to send my daughter to Salisbury? A: Parents are responsible for non-uniform clothes, fees for outside groups and a donation or koha of $50 per term. Q: My daughter has ORRS (Ongoing Reviewable Resourcing Funding), is she eligible for Salisbury School? A: Yes, we currently have quite a number of girls who are in the ongoing resourcing scheme.
Getting teens/preteens to do Chores: Help Prioritize • "I use Post-It notes on my daughter's door to list three or four things I want her to do, and this really helps. She told me she likes the lists and even crosses each job off when it's done. I have found it helps to make the jobs specific so it's not so overwhelming. Instead of 'clean up your room,' I write, 'pick up all your dirty clothes and put them in the hamper,' 'vacuum carpet in your room,' or whatever needs doing most. I have even tried lists of homework when she got behind and had so much to do that she didn't know where to start. She helped me write down all the assignments she hadn't finished and I told her just to start from the top and do one at a time, not to worry about the others until one was done. Once we made the list she saw that it really wasn't going to take as long as she thought." Make it Easy for Them to Remember • "My 12-1/2-year-old stepson always uses 'I forgot.' A previous counselor said that they do indeed forget because it's not important to them; what is important to them they don't forget -- like their favorite TV show. We had to resort to some form of punishment to help him remember. For example -- he's supposed to write down homework assignments. Every day he doesn't write it down in his assignment book, a dollar is taken off his $6.00 allowance. The first week he ended up with $3.00; the next week he remembered every day. Money is very important to my stepson. We had to get to him through something he cared about." Set a Time Limit • "I have had a bit of success by assigning times for chore completion. My 13-year-old daughter must complete her daily chores by 8 p.m. so that I have time to check them and not leave it until bedtime. When she has to do something outside of her regular chores, and gives me the 'I'll do it later,' I ask her when. I make her assign a time, such as 'I'll start my math homework at 6 p.m.' That way, I can go about my business and just check at 6:01 to be sure she has started. She seems to stick to the times she names." Pick an Appropriate Consequence • "We really need to be creative and strong to get through these times. The hardest thing for me is to stay calm and not get pulled into a fight. The next hardest thing is to not just do it myself, which seems easier in the short term but isn't giving them the training I believe I'm supposed to do. I think you have to pick an appropriate solution to any potential battles. When my daughter was into slamming her door when she didn't get her way, I told her, 'Next time I will remove door from hinges for a week.' I try to think of realistic consequences and warn them what it is. It is very hard not to give in, but eventually they realize you're serious and they can't away with it. It is always something..." How to Ease Off the Nagging • "If you want to retire your nagging badge, first understand what's normal for 10- to 15-year-olds. They all bristle at orders (at this age they get many orders: get up, go to school, do your chores). They want some control over their lives and are battling for independence. This is all normal. They also have energy swings as well as mood swings. Sometimes they really are too tired to do chores! Now this doesn't mean you can't get what you want from your young adolescent. Be consistent. Praise your son when he cooperates. Continue telling him you need his help in a calm voice. Choose your battles. Be patient. Be understanding. Keep your sense of humor because these are the good old days. We don't want to lose sight of the good side of preteens, which is easy to do sometimes. Our children can be managed if we are careful, smart, and kind. For those of you on the internet check this out. http://www.groovygrandmas.com.au/ ‘PARADIGM’ – A NEW SERVICE INITIATIVE OF THE PARENT AND FAMILY RESOURCE CENTRE Paradigm Summary ‘Paradigm’ is a new service approach established to support young disabled people to live the lives they want. The intention of the service is to support young people to: build networks of support to secure their future; find work and/or establish new businesses that develop and support individual and community economic growth; walk alongside and with families to plan for their son/daughters future; contribute to community development. The programme target group will be 20 young disabled people AT ANY ONE TIME aged 17 to 23 years. The young person will meet the eligibility criteria (MoH definition) for Disability Support Services who have a intellectual, physical, sensory, disability or Autism Spectrum Disorder. Initially, ‘Paradigm’ will serve people who live in the Greater Auckland region, based on the three District Health Board areas of Waitemata, Auckland, and Counties-Manukau. The ‘Paradigm’ team includes the Project Leader and will employ up to five part time Facilitators. Each Facilitator will be responsible for working with young disabled people and their families. Facilitators will be trained and mentored to facilitate person-centered planning and support micro-enterprise development. Background In October 2007 a group of interested agencies (Auckland Community Workforce Group) met to discuss workforce issues affecting disabled people, workforce development and employment opportunities in Auckland. The group discussed the potential for developing relationships with New Zealand corporate and business sectors and considered the offer of international mentoring and support from Social Ventures Australia. PFRC led meetings for the Community Workforce Group and will continue to network with leaders from these key Auckland agencies. A major outcome of that first meeting was for PFRC to develop a response by way of a new service approach. The intention of this new initiative is to provide support to young disabled people to build networks of support to secure their future; to find work and/or establish new businesses including micro-enterprises that develop and support individual and community economic growth and contribute to community development. We believe that the new service approach is an innovative and highly responsive way to serving disabled people. It is an initiative that a new generation of families and young people expect to have access to when the time comes for their child to leave the education sector. Bridget Snedden Centre Director www.pfrc.org.nz ph 09 636 0351 4 Ways to Minimize back talk: By Cathryn Tobin, M.D. It doesn't matter whether your child is 5, 10 or 15 years old, the way to deal with back talk is the same for all ages. Back talk is designed to get a rise out of grownups; therefore the most effective way to respond to it is calmly. What to do? Here are the A, B, C and D's of minimizing back talk while maximizing good communication with your kids: Acknowledge your little one's feelings by saying something like, "You must be really angry. Why don't we talk about it once you've calmed down?" Be responsive, not reactive, because the greater the reaction, the greater the appeal. I find it helpful to let my kids know how it feels to be on the receiving end of rudeness by saying something like, "Ouch, that hurts! I want to hear what you have to say, when you can say it without attitude." Control yourself, not your kids. Don't say a word until you've calmed down, and in that way you'll avoid a power struggle. Defuse the situation. Remember, kids communicate with their behavior. Ask yourself, "What's really going on here?" When you understand your child's perspective, you appreciate the frustration that's leading to the foul language. By dealing with the underlying problem you teach your kids to do the same.TIP: Back talk is only as frustrating as you allow it to be. Obedient Children Parenting expert, Diane Levy, writes about how to get your children to do as they are told, and hence develop obedient, compliant children. www.kiwifamilies.co.nz Wouldn’t it be wonderful if children did as we asked the first time? Or even without being asked? How many times, from six months to six years, do you think you will have asked your child to let you dress her or to go and get dressed? Wouldn’t it be great if our child did as she was told? And the point of this is….? When we ask a child to do something we have short-term, medium-term and long-term objectives. A short-term objective is when we need to get something done which is usually a simple and often-repeated task: Let's get you dressed, please Do up your seat-belt, please Go and get your homework, please Pack your bag for tomorrow, please
Let’s deal with ‘please’ right now. “Please” won’t make the least difference to whether or not your child carries out the request, but you are modeling (the most effective way to teach a child) good manners and that can never go amiss. And of course, if our child does what we have asked of them as soon as possible, it saves a great deal of arguing, nagging and whining - on both sides. Our medium-term objective is to have our children do as they are told. If your child spends a lot of energy resisting simple requests, she is using up the time and energy she could better use for learning new skills. How many requests do you think you will ask of your child before she leaves home?! Getting them to do as they are told now, means you will save yourself some sanity for the future. And long-term? A child who is extremely non-compliant eventually begins to sabotage the relationships in her life with parents and family, her learning opportunities and she may have fewer and fewer friends. A child who learns the self-restraint needed to be reasonably compliant will not only have better relationships and be able to deal with the ordinary frustrations of life, but is also on the road to becoming a self-disciplined adult. It’s good for kids to be good There’s a relationship between old-fashioned goodness and health and well-being. In his book, “20 Things I Want My Kids to Know”, Hal Urban says that as human beings, we need to be good; it’s the most essential ingredient of emotional and spiritual health. When I work with parents to help them get their children to do as they are told, I often have a puzzled parent a week or so later saying to me, “I don’t quite understand. We’ve been so much tougher on her and she seems so much happier!” The truth is our children feel happier when they are doing what is expected of them. They feel more comfortablewhen they are getting it right and that feels right to them. Getting action – ASK – TELL – ACT It all begins when we ASK our child to do something. Now that we have made a request, the next thing that should happen in our child’s life is that she carries out that request. Otherwise we teach her that if we ask her to do something she does not have to do it. When the child complies we can show our appreciation; ‘thank you,’ ‘that was a big help,’ - this is an effective way to let our child know that we value their effort. Likely responses Instant compliance will happen sometimes, but often you will be dealing with non-compliance to a simple request (e.g.,’ take those cups out to the kitchen, please’) in various guises such as: It's not my turn Why do you always ask me? It's too hard I don't want to Will you help me I'll just finish this 500 piece puzzle Those aren't my cups And then there are the non-verbal responses: Moan Grizzle Shrug Dad or Mum out of the way Laugh at him/her Ignore The Three Cons In her book "Kids are Worth It," Barbara Colorosa talks about the three cons that children will come up with when asked to do something they don’t want to do. First, there is the angry response. "It's not fair. It's not my turn. I'm not going to. You can't make me. You're not the boss of me", any or all of which are delivered in an angry, belligerent tone of voice. These are the sorts of children with whom we wind up thinking "It's much simpler to do it myself." That is true. It is much easier to do it yourself, but your children are missing out on essential skills and you are teaching them that intimidation works. Second, there is the sad response (delivered in a pathetic whine): ‘It's not fair,’ ‘I did it yesterday,’ ‘Why do you always ask me?’ ‘It's too hard.’ These children are the masters of guilt induction. Remember though, that more often than not, parents are fair and distribute tasks more or less evenly and according to ability. The third style of con is harder to pick up. It involves distancing. Your child goes deaf, turns to do something else, looks at you blankly as if you just asked something incomprehensible or laughs and runs away. We’re then left feeling dis-empowered. Telling is better than yelling There’s no point calling out from a distance. ASK once, from wherever you are. Wait ten seconds. After ten seconds you’ll know whether the answer is YES or NO. If the answer is NO, you need to move from ASK to TELL. Move right next to where your child is, stand tall and say firmly, "I'd like you to take those cups, now" and wait for 10 seconds. You don't need to shout, you don't need to reason, you don't need to persuade. You have just given your child a very powerful message that you intend her to do as you have asked. Just this action - going close, asking powerfully and waiting - will get you compliance about 80% of the time. The power of TELLING Firstly, you are not calling from a distance. You have invaded your child’s space. The fact that you have taken the trouble to go over means your child knows that you're serious. Secondly, you are using your height advantage, which is another reason to establish ‘Mummy Power’ or ‘Daddy Power’ while our children are young (and shorter than us!). Thirdly, you should use strong eye contact. Stare steadily while you say, ‘I want you to do that now.’ Avoid saying “Look at me while I’m talking to you.” You’ve just added a second request before your child has complied with the first request. Fourthly, you should use a quiet voice. If you yell at your child, you are showing her that you are out of control. When you use a quiet voice, you are demonstrating that you are in control of you, so you are far more convincing as the person in control of her. From NO to NO WAY Some children just don't believe you. They may be very strong-willed or their experience up till now may be that if they put up enough argument or fuss or distance, they don't have to do as they are asked. If you have ASKED, waited 10 seconds, moved to TELL powerfully, waited 10 seconds and your child has not complied, she has graduated from NO to NO WAY. Escalating behaviour However she demonstrated NO - mad, sad or distancing - you can expect that she will escalate that behaviour. If her initial response was anger, she will escalate to greater anger. She may shout or push you out of the way. If her initial response was sad, she will escalate to distress. She may be so overcome with grief that she collapses in hysterical sobs. Don’t buy into it. If her initial response was to ignore you, she may now turn away from you, move away from you - not in the direction of the cups - or even run away. Your child is being rude and offensive and the time for requests is over. It is time to take action. ASK – TELL – ACT. Hand the problem over Now it is time for us to think ‘I’ve asked you to do something. Nothing else – in the way of goods or services from me – is going to happen until that is done.’ The most powerful action to show our child we mean it is to put emotional distance between ourselves and our child. This way we hand the problem over to our child and our child has to wrestle with the problem. They have to contend with the tension between “If I don’t want to do it” then “It looks as if I’m stuck here till I do.” Remember, compliance is a habit The best reason I know for developing our children’s compliance habit is so that we can enjoy each other’s company. If our children are doing more-or-less what we ask them, most of the time, both our lives and their lives become much simpler and we can both enjoy each other’s company more. Our children become pleasant to be with and we will choose to spend more time with them. Therefore our child’s thinking – in response to a parental request - needs to be changed from “maybe I will and maybe I won’t” to “I may not want to do that, but I will.” Bliss! Ever thought of sending you Grandchild to Boarding School, but costs Prohibitive: I am the National Coordinator for the New Zealand Boarding Schools Association. I have seen you’re your convention advertised in the St Mary’s College Newsletter this week and thought there might be some opportunity for mutual support. Modern hostels and boarding options can give young people a fabulous opportunity to belong to an extended family, participate in sports and cultural event as well as retaining excellent relationships with families. Modern hostels and boarding schools work to add value to the lives of young people and provide support and balance for parents (and grandparents). Boarding maybe an option that grandparents raising grand children could benefit from, as modern boarding is supportive of family time, good communication between school and home, and extending young people within healthy and stable routines. New Zealand hostels are ensured as safe environments for students by the Education Review Office and the Hostel Regulation which require all hostels to have a valid and current license. Financial assistance can be through the Ministry of Education as well as several independent trusts for boarding students. If you would like more information on how your members can access information about NZ Boarding schools please let me know. Kind regards Ms Cara Ferris Accommodation Manager, Auckland International College. www.aic.ac.nz National Coordinator, NZBSA. www.boarding.org.nz. Cell contact NZ 021 884 048
SUPPORTING TEENS THROUGH TOUGH TIMES Skylight has launched an innovative new single edition youth support magazine, ‘The Journey Through’, which honestly and frankly tackles the very difficult issues teens and young people face. It’s been written specifically for young people in New Zealand, and features many stories, words and photos, kiwi teens have contributed. Life can be really tough. The issues teenagers face are diverse and include changing schools, moving to a new city or country, losing your friends, bullying, parents breaking up, living in a blended family or absent parents, peer pressure, terminal illness or death of someone close to them, mental health issue, disability and too often trauma, abuse or violence. Skylight, a unique support organisation helping young people and their families/whānau deal with change, loss, trauma and grief, recognises that young people, in particular, can be significantly affected by such issues. Skylight Acting Chief Executive and author of ‘The Journey Through’, Tricia Hendry says, “It is crucial that young people get support they can relate to, to help them get through the really rough times. “Research shows that providing support now reduces problems later on in life including relationship difficulties, mental health issues such as depression, drug and alcohol abuse or other ‘at risk’ behaviour.” ‘The Journey Through’, a colourful, image-rich resource, helps readers understand, process and manage their tough experiences. It features quotes, writing and true stories from young people in New Zealand. True stories like Jade’s. At age 17 she was pregnant, stunned and terrified. On top of her family’s expectations and then disappointment, she was really worried about the enormous responsibility of looking after another human life – her own child. It all made her feel like the whole situation was too hard to bear. Jade says “I’ve learned that when things seem to be too hard, we need to take it step by step and often there will be breathers in between.” Or how about Meg – who’s father died when she was 10. She remembers that period of grieving as darkness. She felt lost and confused. “I didn’t really understand what was happening. No one talked about death. One day we had a father and the next day we didn’t.” With plentiful explanations of what grief is, how they might react and express themselves, suggestions for managing through tough times and how to get help, this resource encourages readers to choose what ideas suit them best. It has strong personal safety messages that will give young people practical support and reassurance. “Skylight wants to give our young people hope and a beacon of light to get through the often dark times of grief,” says Hendry. Along with the print version, Skylight has produced a series of eight online video clips of Kiwi young people talking about how they have dealt with their tough times. “For example, taking it “One day at a time” is an important message for our young people here in New Zealand,” says Hendry. “The series represent truly Kiwi voices, and young people who are looking for support online will be able to access the video clips on Skylight’s website, You Tube, Facebook and other online sites.” ‘The Journey Through’ is available to order online at www.skylight.org.nz or by contacting Skylight on 0800 299 100 or email to info@skylight-trust.org.nz. ENDS The 3 Little Pigs This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically. A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read .. 'and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?' The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?' One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ......'I think the man would have said - 'Well, bugger me, a talking pig!!!' The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. AUTISM AT SCHOOL A video resource for teachers and parents in New Zealand: For children on the autism spectrum, school can be a frightening, even sickening, place. A child’s ability to learn can be greatly affected by anxiety and difficulty understanding teachers and other students. As more children in New Zealand are diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD), the pressure increases on schools and teachers trying to cope. In this DVD, split into sections for easy access, teachers show how they are creating environments where children with ASD are able to learn and thrive, parents tell us about their experiences with school and students talk about how it is for them. ! The School Experience features classroom action in mainstream primary and secondary schools, satellite classes and a special school (80 minutes) ! Advice and Tips includes the impact of autism on learning, strategies for managing behaviour, creating a suitable classroom environment and tips for teachers and parents (50 minutes) ! Talking About School (20 minutes) includes the blame free bullying approach being put in action to support an ASD student. What viewers say? “True to life”, “Excellent”, “Fabulous resource for parents wanting to choose which model of schooling best suits their child”, “Great examples of best practice”, “Really helpful for our teachers”. For more details and to view the trailer: http://southernmoon.weebly.com/ Also available: Living with Autism, a resource for parents of newly-diagnosed children. In this 48- minute documentary, five families in Otago and Southland tell their own stories about dealing with the diagnosis and treatment of autism. They talk about how they've coped, the impact on the family, and what they've learnt from their experiences. TO ORDER Name _________________________________ Email ________________________________________ Organisation: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren member Address ______________________________________________________________________________ TITLE DVD COST QUANTITY TOTAL Autism at School $39.50 Living with Autism $15.00 Postage (1- 4 copies) $5.00 TOTAL: I enclose a payment of $_____________ for my order. Prices include GST. GST # 16-654-639. Make cheques payable to Southern Moon Productions Post orders to 14 Arnold St, Grey Lynn, Auckland 1021 or email to judesmi@gmail.com. For more information contact Jude Smith on 027-2411423. A special Letter for your Teen Grandchild/ren: Dear Teen, How are you? How are your grandparents? Good, I hope! My name is Eva-Maria. I may be a little bit older than you – I’m 19 years old, but hey, I’m not too old yet. I’m writing to you absolutely and purely genuinely today. Up until I was 6, I was basically raised by my grandparents while I was living in Russia. It all changed when my parents decided to take my little brother, big sister and I all the way to New Zealand. I owe my grandparents a lot. They taught me how to read, how to write, and even how to do long subtraction, long before we were taught to do this at school. My grandma taught me how to knit – she had to learn the hard way – she taught herself during the war by picking up bits of wool and sticks, and untangling bits of sweaters she’s find. My grandparents still some visit most years, but the 22 hour flight really gets them tired sometimes. I don’t blame them – the flight is hard enough on me as it is! I miss my grandparents. Two of them are gone. It’s a shame because there’s so much I could have learned from them. My granddad used to make the best waffles ever – big and thin, and then he’d roll them into a cylinder-type stick. Yum!! But now that he’s gone, no one will ever be able to teach me how to make these. Basically the reason I’m writing to you is because what I have to say is: love your grandparents. Love them like they love you – unconditionally. If you don’t believe me, all you gotta do is ask them. And ask them to tell you about their day – no one else can tell you about the ‘good old days’ like they can. Learn from them – ask them to teach you something – they are very wise and have much skill and knowledge within their years – the least you can do is carry this on. You may also be surprised that in return, they’ll ask you to teach THEM something too – they are here to learn from us as much as we’re here to learn from them, but the sucky thing is that we don’t have much time together, so why not start today?! And lastly, care for them. Care for them like there’s no tomorrow. Sometimes it’s hard – I know, but we and they grew up in different times, and there’s always room to learn, understand and improve off our relationships. The one thing I bet they want you to know is that they love you. Simply and unconditionally. Let’s give them just as much love as they have given us. Love and respect, Eva-Maria Bestselling author, inter-generational coach and international speaker, who owes a lot to her grandparents Zoya, Lida, Tolya and Kev. www.youshutup.co.nz www.trustyourfuture.com xoxo Di National Convenor and the team. heoi ano
Posted: Fri 16 Oct 2009 |