Greetings, Kia Ora koutou katoa we hope this finds you all well.
We can and do make a difference in a child’s life. We ALL walk this path and share this journey together.
Your Voices:
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren changed my life forever:
I am a middle aged teenager and am living with my Grandparents, I have been living with them for 13 years now and there are no words that can actually explain how amazing it is for me to have them in my life. They are my heart and by saying this I mean, when I am saying things to my friends who need support, it is actually my heart talking which I know is my Nan and Pop.
These two people who I have let into my life have helped me so much through huge problems that I have been fighting through since I was 8 years old. Even when it got to the point where all our hearts were hurting so badly, you know what, my Grandparents had faith on me and they did not want to give up on me. The amount of faith they gave me helped me through these problems to the point where I was able to talk about what was hurting me deep down and got a little bit better. I just want to say you rock Nan and Pop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanx a million.
By one of our grandchildren aged 16. Nan D*
Complex Therapy:
I am looking after two of my grandchildren who have severe developmental delay, very difficult behaviour problems, learning disorders, sensory problems, coordination problems and such. The list is very long. Even autistic features. All these are due to their early years with their mother who had diagnoses of severe mental illness and had been a drug abuser when these children were born. I have been looking after the boys for the past 8 years on my own. Routine and love helped them a lot but many of the difficulties are still present. To parent a traumatised child is certainly a constant challenge.
I had been trying to find suitable help for these boys that would address all areas of their sickness. During previous years the view on early traumas was that traumas damage the brain. When damage is done it's not possible to undo it any more. Advances in this area proved that THERE IS HELP. It requires a very complex form of therapy when all aspects of the illness is treated and the carers are also educated on how to deal with the problems, how to help these children. There is a clinic that had been successfully providing such help for many years now. It is based in London but a group of the professionals from there would be willing to come to New Zealand and train a number of professionals and help some parents with children with attachment disorders if there is enough support from families and professionals and funding can be generated.
SF Nelson - Supporting Families in Mental Illness are supporting me to form a group of parents, grandparents and carers to lobby for the best interventions for our grandchildren who need specialist help. Please write to: renee@sfnelson.org.nz Phone/Fax 03 5287790 or to Agnes asotet@gmail.com if you would like to use such a service if it was available in New Zealand, or if you are interested in being part of this lobby group.
KidzaCool Camps.
My 2 grandchildren went to Rotorua over the xmas period first time ever they have both been away on camp, my eldest grandchild 10 and the youngest 6, they both made friends and the buddy was a dream for the 2 boys with all the activities they participated in, they are still talking about the camp and when can they go again. I said, “maybe xmas time” again thank you for the opportunity and I really enjoyed my 4 day break. Nanny
We will be keeping you informed of future free camps.
I Gave Blood Unwillingly:
As I lay there I must have been tired and I am sure I drifted off to sleep, for a brief time anyway. I heard her approach; she was big, very big. And very loud, she droned on and on. I swatted at her frantically trying to make her go away in my drowsy state. I felt the sting in the soft crease of my inner elbow and into the vein it went. She left a painful lump, which over the days would develop into a sore and was still visible weeks later. Yes, they breed those mosquitoes big in the Far North. Nan D*
Teenagers!
Remembering, that these good news snippets are the gleams of gold dust, amidst the dregs/tailings of the gold mining drudgery, that is bringing up teenage grandchildren. Grandson had an NCEA assignment where he had to prepare a CV, obtain 2 references & set up an interview for 1 week’s work experience. He did all this & as his interest lies in graphic art he approached a local sign writer. He not only got the 1 week work experience granted, he was also offered, on the spot, an apprenticeship to take up as soon as he turns 16. He refused this offer saying he wants to remain at school. The week of work experience will be later next term. He had taken his art portfolio along to the interview and the Manager of the sign writer firm commented on his talent.
Now as for the dregs – please don’t ask about the acquisition of a TV for his bedroom (earned by gardening for a friend) or the purchase of an X-Box (from his own savings, earned by school holiday work) which is also in his bedroom. Out the window flies our attempts at instilling responsibility to do homework in a timely manner or to perform household chores without constant reminder/argument. I still say that God made my darling the wrong way round, giving him 2 mouths and only 1 ear hence the constant arguing & mouthiness in general. Gran E
.
From the GRG Trust Office
Introducing our new Administration Director: 
Sonja Johnston is married with one adult child. She is New Zealand born but grew up in France and New Caledonia. In 1997, she moved with her family from Wellington and made North Shore their home.
Sonja has worked in various administrative roles for Fonterra (previously New Zealand Dairy Board) and as office manager for an investment banking company and an insurance broking firm. Her most recent role was as programme co-ordinator for a new initiative called Opportunity for Migrant Employment in Greater Auckland.
In 2004, Sonja graduated with a Bachelor of Social Work – Second Class Honors (Division I), and has since worked on various social research projects for GRG Board member Jill Worrall as her research assistant. This is how she became aware of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren as she was required to collate all the qualitative data gathered from the 2009 survey.
Due to reading the data, she gained a very good appreciation and understanding of what is involved when grandparents need to raise their grandchildren. Sonja says “I have utter admiration for all they do for their grandchildren as so often it is at a personal cost to themselves”.
We the GRG Board welcome the appointment of Sonja. As you can appreciate this organisation has grown enormously. Di’s workload has become just too heavy. She will still be the National Co-ordinator but is thrilled that Sonja will ease the load. Di will still continue to do the things she loves with GRG Trust: newsletters and taking calls from you, our amazing members. She feels it is time for her to do the ‘feel good’ stuff and we feel she has earned that right after 11 years of voluntary service. Yes we are eleven years old now! Sonja will take care of the admin, trainings, conference and the other 101 one things that need attending to. Sonja can be contacted on
021 133 6079 sonja@grg.org.nz GRG Trust NZ Board
Introducing a new Field Officer:
Nola Adams has been appointed as a Field Officer to assist all of our GRG members on a number of issues. Telephone advice can be given on the following topics:
- Justice and Prison system, including Youth Court
- Family Court applications for persons wishing to self-represent
- Child Youth and Family representation where practicable/advice
- Disability advice and Schooling system
We welcome her with her vast knowledge and are sure she will be able to help you in those areas. Nola’s hours are 9am -3pm Monday to Friday if in the Hawkes Bay her ph is 845 3141 or if a toll call freephone 0508 367474
Recent resignation of Co-ordinators:
We sadly announce the resignation of our Co-ordinator Colleen Ross in the Tauranga region; Colleen has done a sterling job in assisting our grand’s in this area and will be greatly missed. We thank you Colleen for many, many years of voluntary service. Also due to work commitments David Johnsen has also had to resign from his role for the Kapiti Coast area, we thank him for his time. God Bless you both.
New Co’s needed:
For the following regions: Tauranga: Cambridge: Palmerston North: Katikati: Kapiti Coast: Levin. This is a voluntary role and you will need to have an email address. If interested please contact Di on Freephone 0800 472 637
Rotorua and Napier have new GRG Co-ordinators:
Due to work commitments Vanessa had to leave her role as the new Co-ordinator and Win Macredie has kindly offered to take over for Rotorua, welcome and thanks Win. Ph 07 345 5003 email winmacredie@xtra.co.nz Cyril Anderson will still assist Win. Jane Brass has kindly offered to take over the Napier/Hastings position as Co-ordinator, welcome and thanks Jane. She can be contacted on 06 878 6360 or 027 255 2574 email ngatikool@slingshot.co.nz
Tots to Teens Magazine:
February/March issue: Read all about us in the edition, it is a free publication and available through schools and selected supermarkets.
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Media release NZ Families Commissioner:
05 March 2010
Kiwi grandparents face new challenges and changing roles
A new Families Commission report says most grandparents are faring well, but a small number are struggling – in particular grandparents raising grandchildren.
The Commission’s Changing Roles research paints an intricate picture of grandparents’ lives, views, and needs. The survey questioned more than 1200 people about a range of issues related to their role as grandparents in New Zealand.
Commissioner Christine Rankin says that the report’s findings demonstrate the diversity of grandparents’ roles today.
“Grandparents are as varied and diverse as are families themselves. And therefore their needs are changing in many ways. For example, not all grandparents are older people. Some first become grandparents in their thirties. Grandparents may also be juggling paid work and care giving responsibilities, as well as other commitments.”
Separation and re-marriage mean that grandparents, like other family members, are part of complex family structures. A child might have a step-grandparent because a grandparent has re-married. Or it could be that a parent has re-married, and their new partner brings with them an additional set of grandparents for their children.
“Global mobility and cross-cultural relationships can add richness as well as complexity to family life, with some families spanning continents. Distance impedes grandparents’ ability to share cultural and other forms of knowledge and to be actively involved in their grandchildren’s lives, but many grandparents find creative ways to maintain strong family ties across the miles.”
Commissioner Rankin applauded recent moves by the Minister of Social Development to support grandparents raising grandchildren and called for further action.
Most of the grandparents raising grandchildren interviewed in the Changing Roles study had become full-time caregivers because the parents were either unable or unwilling to care for their children.
“Last year the Government made an excellent first step by announcing that holiday camps will be made available to children being raised by their grandparents,” Ms Rankin says. “This created an important opportunity for respite for grandparents. However we would encourage the Government to do even more, as an investment in the wellbeing of children and society generally.
“For example, some grandparents raising grandchildren had found it difficult to obtain clear information about their legal rights and eligibility for financial support. And there were calls for improvements in the range of support for grandparents who have taken on the role of primary caregiver for their grandchildren. Our research gives some sound backing to those calls. The number of grandparents raising grandchildren is growing.”ENDS
Link to research: http://www.familiescommission.org.nz/research/grandparents/changing-roles
5 March 2010
MEDIA RELEASE
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust NZ backs Families Commission’s Changing Roles Findings
A new report by the Families Commission, Changing Roles echoes the findings of the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust NZ’s own findings in their 2009 study revealing grandparents raising grandchildren are struggling.
The Trust’s 2009 study showed that more than half the children who came into grandparent care were reported as having serious physical and psychological problems as a result of the abuse and neglect they suffered before coming into care. Raising children with problems like this with (in most cases) very limited financial means saw many grandparents struggling below the poverty line.
“We agree wholeheartedly with Commissioner Rankin’s recommendations that while the Government’s introduction of respite holiday camps is a step in the right direction, the Government can and should do a lot more to support the caregivers of these children. Commissioner Rankin is right; it is an investment in the wellbeing of children and society generally,” says the Trust’s National Convenor and Founder, Diane Vivian. “Our own research clearly showed that over eighty-six percent of grandparent caregivers reported significant improvements in the children’s well being over time, which is directly attributable to the stability of care, along with the resilience and commitment of the grandparent caregivers,” says Vivian.
“The area where the Government really needs to focus more attention is in providing equitable financial support for grandparents raising grandchildren. They might now be eligible for the same basic rate per child with an Unsupported Child Benefit, as a foster caregiver is; but they are unable to access financial support to cover the cost of counselling therapy and medical needs of these children. We are also finding that many of our single grandparents are being told they must apply for the Domestic Purposes Benefit instead of receiving their superannuation along with a UCB. In effect they receive even less financial support from the Government in many of these cases,” says Vivian [ENDS]
Editorial: Parenthood (the sequel)
The Southland Times
(05:00 06/03/2010)
OPINION: A Families Commission report hammering the importance of recognising and valuing the contribution of grandparents bringing up grandchildren isn't talking about a hearty vote of thanks, writes The Southland Times in an editorial.
It's talking about more effort going into resourcing, informing and consulting grandparents because so many of them are once again stepping up for the heavy lifting duties of parenthood.
This invites a conclusion that the middle generation is increasingly missing in action; a view supported by the fact that most grandparents raising their grandchildren said it was because the parents were unable or unwilling to care for their children. (Most? It remains a faint puzzle what the remainder might have said.)
Before we airily conclude that the parents are proving a feckless generation, the Changing Roles report highlights that family structures have been becoming more complex, through separations, remarriages, and increasing mobility.
Traditionally, grandparents have never been work shy and it is no more true now than it has been for generations that as much as they can help, they tend to be only too happy to do so.
Nevertheless, the burdens do seem to be increasing alarmingly for significant numbers of them.
And the dynamic is changing. People are becoming grandparents younger, and are working longer. Gone are the days of widespread retirement at 60, and increasingly their jobs are pushing past 65.
We might hold to the jaunty image of hooting oldies driving around in cars with "Spending the Kids' Inheritance" bumper stickers, but many grandparents – whether still couples themselves or sole survivors – are effectively becoming born-again parents, without necessarily having planned for the role, or being well placed for it.
Part of the solution will be to ensure that grandparents who are this deeply involved in Parenthood II are made more aware of their legal rights and eligibility for financial support.
A group, Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, commissioned its own research by former Massey University social work lecturer and researcher Jill Worrall. It surveyed 200 families in which couples had custody of their grandchildren and last year found half of them were earning less than $29,000 a year and struggling to pay their food and power bills.
Some were going to bed hungry to ensure their grandchildren had food, or not going to the doctor because of the expense. Some were even being physically abused by their young charges.
Social Welfare Minister Paula Bennett can point to an increase in the unsupported-child benefit, effectively bringing it into line with caregivers receiving a foster care allowance, and to 500 places in respite camps for children being cared for by family members.
But one of the most appealing calls in the Families Commission report is for grandparents, themselves, to have more of a say in the development of the very policies and services that affect them. Seems fair.
This won't, in itself, mean that there's any more money to go around. It may, however, stop the rest of us treating like sideline voices older New Zealanders who are, in fact, hip-deep participants in getting done a job that is simply crucial to the present and future wellbeing of this country.
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Editorial: Selfless carers deserve support:
The Marlborough Express
OPINION: They are the unheralded heroes of our community.
They are the vast group of people who look after their loved ones and sometimes not so loved ones with little complaint and often little support. Certainly financial recompense is slight.
The carers in our society range from the grandparents who look after grandchildren to family or friends who look after those who have suffered an accident, are ill or are just getting old.
Caring for a loved one is often thrust at a person with little warning. It can result from an accident, a health scare, a diagnosis or a change in circumstances.
On other occasions, carers are there from the beginning and as the conditions worsens, so their involvement intensifies.
Little attention is paid to carers by the community at large, though we all have reason to be grateful. Millions of dollars in time and resources are carved off our annual health and social services bill because people look after their own.
Slowly though, the need to recognise carers and support them is growing.
In Blenheim this week the group Support Families in Mental Wellbeing was to the fore. The organisation is there to "care for the carers" of people with mental illness. It provides a drop in centre which offers support, information and understanding. There are also two field workers, who supply all of the above plus advocacy.
And as manager and field worker Cheryl Thompson said in an article, "we also add a dash of humour."
It is suspected that last ingredient is one of the most important. Caring can be a long involvement, and can often harm or even destroy the relationship between the carer and sufferer.
The problems facing grandparents raising grandchildren has also been documented.
Former Massey University social work lecturer and researcher Jill Worrall last year looked at 200 families where grandparents were bringing up children. She found almost half of the families surveyed were earning less than $29,000 a year and were struggling to pay their food and electricity bills.
Some grandparents went hungry to feed their grandchildren, stopped going to the doctor to save money and could be physically abused by their young charges. For many grandparents, of course, it is a joy to step in and raise the children their children can't. But almost always it is a financial, if not social, burden.
Groups such as Support Families in Mental Wellbeing Marlborough are essential to ensuring the people who do the looking after are looked after themselves. There are several groups in New Zealand which provide support nationwide, including the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust and Carers New Zealand.
What is needed is a wider acknowledgement of the work carers do and the help they provide the country as a whole. AirNZPlan929SponsoredLinkStuffROS_080310.html
National Caregivers training: FREE: GRG’s/Kin are welcome!
Please contact them direct for course dates and times and venue
Contact: Caregiver Training Free phone 0800 CARE ØK
Child, Youth and Family (0800 227 305) or (04) 918 9436
P O Box 2620 WELLINGTON Email: matt.dewit002@cyf.govt.nz
SuperGold Card Directory:
The second, updated edition of the SuperGold card directory was made available in early February. This directory will not be automatically issued so copies can be obtained by application to a local W & I office or CAB or by calling MSD freephone 0800 254 565.
Life Tubes:
Age Concern has Life Tubes available for sale. At only $4.00 these are a cost effective way of ensuring that your contact and medical needs are available to emergency services or family. Please contact your local Age Concern office.
Winter Influenza Vaccine:
This winter’s seasonal influenza vaccine will contain the pandemic (swine flu) strain and will be free to extra groups who are at particular risk from swine flu.
The free vaccine will continue to be available from March to people over 65. Those who want this vaccine will be able to get it from their General Practice Surgery or Health provider. The World Health Organisation has recommended next years seasonal flu vaccine includes the three main flu strains currently circulating.
Getting Kids to do as they are asked:
Q: I am the grandmother of three children, ages two through nine years. I have great kids, but they often do not listen to what I tell them to do. Things can get so chaotic that it drives me crazy. What can a Gran do?
A: Your dilemma is a common one in this day and age. Our parents' generation was very adult centred. Children were to be seen and not heard. The pendulum has swung, but it need not go overboard. It is possible to empower your children and still retain parental authority.
You have done a good job of listening to your children; Now it is time for them to also listen to you. However, do not mistake establishing your authority to mean you are authoritarian. You have clearly established a democratic atmosphere that has given your children a voice in the family. But your leadership is required. The following guidelines for discipline will help you clarify who is in charge in your family.
1. Communicate your expectations clearly.
Pitfall: Some parents express what they want their child do by including a child's feelings as a part of the communication. For example: "Let's get in the car. I know you want to go to grandma's, don't you?"
Say, instead: "I want you to get in your car seat now. We are going to grandma's house."
2. Accept your child's feelings, but reinforce your expectations.
Pitfall: Expecting your child to show enthusiasm or contentment about doing what is required.
Instead, be willing to reflect your child's negative feelings about doing what you require, but do not negate what you expect. For example: "Grandma is waiting for us. You must get in your car seat. I know you are sad about having to leave your friends right now. You will be able to play again another day."
3. Communicate and deliver consequences.
Pitfalls: Many parents resort to yelling, instead of communicating and delivering consequences in a matter-of-fact tone. Or they do not follow through on consequences they communicate because they threaten inappropriately in the heat of anger.
Instead, accept complaints, but clarify what will happen if they do not listen. For example: "If you do not get in your car seat by the count of three, I will put you in myself." Or, for an older child, "If you do not do your homework, you will not be able to watch your TV program." Be sure you make appropriate consequences that you are willing to deliver. Then, follow through! (Note: Yelling is not a viable consequence, and only leads to escalation!)
Expect to follow through on your consequences BEFORE your children will listen. It will take one, two or three times for your child to know that you mean what you say, especially if you have been resorting to whining or complaining instead of being authoritative (which we all do at one time or another).
4. Separate your child's behaviour from their self-esteem. Label a behaviour "bad," but not your child's motives or character.
Pitfall: To confuse behaviour with character labels. For example: "No hitting! Only bad boys hit."
Instead, "Hitting is a bad thing to do to others. You must learn to use your words." Or to an older child when addressing a bad mistake. "You are not a thief. Why in the world did you steal that lipstick?" Separating behaviour from action allows children to learn from their mistakes, rather than be condemned by them.
It is our job as parents to guide our children. We must be willing to accept anger and other negative feelings when we set appropriate limits. As long as your expectations are reasonable for your child's age, you may successfully adopt the role of benevolent dictator when necessary.
As parents/grandparents you have your children's best interests at heart. You have raised them to give you their input. Pat yourself on the back. They will feel empowered to express themselves and be able to influence the direction of their destiny in their adult lives.
But do not stop short of taking charge. Your calm leadership is necessary to create a stable environment. Children and parents flourish in an atmosphere that promotes order over chaos.
Read More http://parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tpbehavior/0,,mvq8,00.html?nlcid=bt|03-01-2010|#ixzz0gx8Lt6Os
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From the USA:
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Bill Sails Through Idaho House
AARP Commends House Passage of Bill Placing Grandparents at the Top of the List for Grandchildren's Foster Care
BOISE, Idaho, March 5 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ -- In Idaho, the 20,000 children being raised by their grandparents are closer to having a new law on their side. Today, the Idaho House passed the "grandparenting" bill (HB 610), serving to make it easier for grandparents to become foster parents to their grandchildren. AARP, which strongly supports the measure introduced by Representative Sharon Block, applauded the House for today's action.
"This legislation will help children who've already seen difficult times have a strong family foundation to build their futures upon," said Jim Wordelman, State Director for AARP in Idaho. "AARP commends Representative Block and the bill's co-sponsors for their efforts to ensure children from broken homes don't lead broken lives."
The "grandparenting" bill would place grandparents and other relatives at the top of the list for consideration as foster parents. The legislation was co-sponsored by Senator Patti Anne Lodge and Representatives Richard Wills and Lynn Luker.
Key provisions of the "grandparenting" bill include:
- Establishing a priority list for foster care, placing fit and willing grandparents and other relatives first in line for consideration.
- Expediting the process for foster care approval for relatives when it's in the best interest of the child.
- Giving grandparents better standing to become foster parents of their grandchildren when the parent has failed to maintain a relationship with the child for one year.
"In the midst of a legislative session filled with so much bad news, it's reassuring to see good legislation like this pass with such widespread support," added Wordelman. "AARP urges the Senate to pass the bill and send it the Governor."
Grandparents raising their grandchildren represent the fastest growing type of family in the nation. Nationally, 6.6 million grandchildren live in households headed by grandparents, while another 1.5 million live in homes headed by other relatives. In many cases grandparents are responsible for meeting all the child's needs without the legal authorization to do so.
RETARDED GRANDPARENTS
(This was actually reported by a teacher)
After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a lovely big 2 storied house but they got retarded and they moved to a retirement village near Tauranga. Now, they live in a box sort of house and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.
They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. Sometimes they sneak out to golf but their bits are getting stiff. Also they need operations to fix some of their parts. Especially, poor old Grandma.
There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape.
Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night - early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house.
The ones, who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life and so did she, to earn their retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too.
When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren..... PRICELESS
Di
National Convenor and the team.
Posted: Fri 26 Mar 2010
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