Newsletter may 2010

From GRG Office:

The Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust NZ board members and Di are singing this to you!

We sing to the old telethon tune:

Thank you very much for your kind voting, thank you very much, thank you very, very much, thank you very, very, very, very much!

Yay, with your help, friends help, colleagues and supporters help we DID IT! We blitzed it with 2407 votes and the closest was 801 votes. This National newsletter will continue in a healthy situation for another year. Thank you Sovereign, for your wonderful initiative and also to your staff for the extra donation raised over the month of May. THANK YOU ALL SO VERY, VERY MUCH! J You have no idea how much this means for our people and those they raise.

For your information we post out 18.036 newsletters each year and via email another 13.476 per year. Which, equates to $1.75 each newsletter posted, plus editing costs.

We would also like to take the time to thank the kind grandparents who posted us directly a generous donation for our newsletter costs.

We also send our congratulations to the other Charities who also got donations.

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Is It Unsafe to Post Pics of My Grand kids on Facebook?
"I used to have pictures of my granddaughter on Facebook and have even posted one or two pics of her online at some point or another. But after reading and talking with others I decided to remove all pics on Facebook. I would just hope that if you decide to post pics online that you take as many precautionary measures as possible."

Opinion 1:

I don't think it’s really that safe, but about 75% of the posters here, post with pictures of their kids.

I put pictures of my child on FB, but it has privacy settings for friends and family only.

I don't put my child's picture on there (open sites) because I feel it violates her own right to privacy.

Opinion 2:

I also think it will be a safety issue in years to come. Face recognition software has come a long way, and I can imagine that it will soon be very easy for a predator (or just a random weirdo) to figure out roughly where you live by reading your posts, and then track you down and know who you are from your pictures.

I'm not paranoid, and feel pretty sure that most stalker types would prefer to stalk celebrities, but I do want to be a private citizen for as long as I possibly can.

Something to be aware of: If your kin/grandchildren are under CYF you are not allowed to post pictures of them on any media forum, which includes web sites and Facebook if it is open to the public. If you are posting comments be very careful as one does not know who is registering to belong to an open site or reading it, it has been known that grands’ posting information about their personal circumstances have has it quoted back at the in a Court situation. “Parents” have also posted purporting to be a fellow Grand to gain trust and information also. You need to be aware. Some websites have the icon up with the Facebook logo but underneath it says join now, by clicking on this you may have joined the group by default and you may not even know that your profile has been added to the site.

If your think this is the case this is how to remove yourself: search for the group that you have joined in the Facebook search bar. It will come up with the page and an image in the top left hand corner. Underneath the image it will say ‘Leave group’. If you wish to leave the group this is the link to click and you will no longer be associated with the group.

KidzaCool camps: Question

I have tried to find KidzaCool, as read the article in the March Newsletter, but I cannot seem to find this on the internet. I would love to enrol in this.
I have 3 grandchildren through the courts since 2006 and they are 10, 8 and 7. They are all beautiful young children with such wonderful personalities who I adore so much. If I could enrol the children, then they just maybe able to all go together one day.
Thank you again for your kindness and support, I really appreciate it and I feel honored being a member of your association. Nanny Sandy

Answer: Free KidzaCool Camps: For Programme Dates and Locations for 2010 Camps: FREE

Families need to apply direct to camps for application forms: numbers are listed below: Please book in plenty of time for the next school holidays. Tell them the number of children wanting to go when you are applying for applications via phone. www.healthcamps.org.nz click on main menu on KidzaCool Camps. You can download application forms from their website. Ages 5-12 years, but applications for a sibling group can include 13-14 year old siblings should the caregiver want to have to have a full break. We do encourage you to apply NOW for July school holidays. GRG is your referring Agent and we do not need to sign forms.

Maunu Children’s Health Camp, Whangarei, Phone: 09 437 9050
Pakuranga Children’s Health Camp, Auckland, Phone: 09 534 4017
Princess of Wales Children’s Health Camp, Rotorua, Phone: 07 345 9097
Te Kainga Whaiora Children’s Village, Gisborne, Phone: 06 867 5614
Otaki Children’s Health Camp, Otaki, Phone: 06 364 8069
Glenelg Children’s Health Camp, Christchurch, Phone: 03 332 2541
Roxburgh Children’s Health Camp, Roxburgh, Phone: 03 446 8119

In Last Newsletter: Also from 1 April, the Orphan's Benefit and Unsupported Child's Benefit weekly rates will go up by the same amount. Confusion has occurred; if you are on the UCB/Orphans Benefit you do not get clothing allowances nor pocket/birthday/Christmas money. Only those on Foster Care payments and CYF Board payments get this. Discrimination: YES.

Support Group News:

Hamilton GRG Meeting times:

Meeting time 12.30pm Last Thursday of the month at 148A Bankwood Rd Hamilton Phone Lynn on 07 855 7280

Your Voices:

Power of the “LOOK” (humour)

I have just got back from doing the weekly grocery shopping and thought I would practice the “look” whilst out.

We pulled up at the supermarket and I noticed a car parked in the Disabled spot with no sticker: I stood there and gave him the ‘look’ first directly into his eyes, then to the window where sticker should have been and back at his eyes. He turned beet red and reversed out, satisfied I continued, this was going to be one fun trip.

Next: She had her trolley right in the middle of the isle. I came up in front of her and gave her the ‘look’ she scurried to the side.A mother was giving her child what for, she too got the ‘look’ and rushed away shamed.

The next poor unsuspecting people I came across were having an argument, he was shouting at her, he got the ‘look’ also and shut his mouth and I am sure I saw a small smile cross her face.

I also managed to practice the ‘look’ many times on my troublesome grandchild who was demanding everything in sight, everytime she demanded, she got the ‘look’, but the best bit was the truculent teenager with pants down round his knees, he bumped into an elderly lady nearly knocking her off her feet. “Watch where you are going old bag” he yelled! Well that was enough for me! I marched up to him and gave him the ‘look’ too, straight in the eyes, but then I let the ‘look’ travel down his body to his boldly showing garish boxers and laughed, then I took the ‘look’ back up to his eyes. He quickly placed his hands over the fore said area and bolted, hitching his jeans up as he ran.

Have you practiced your ‘look’ today? Old one too

Chivalry is alive and well at this Gran’s home:

Nan and 16 year old grandson have planted out the entire winter seedlings. In checking the hoses that water them Nan found a split. She climbed along the narrow garden wall perhaps a meter high to reach the hoses. Grandson immediately went to her aid. “Nan, Nan take my hand and I will help you down” and he did, he held her hand until she was safely back on terra firma. J

Tears Fell:

I would like to share my story with your readers. Until four weeks ago I too was a "Grandparent Raising a Grandchild." Our grandson lived with my husband and me from the time he was one year old. He was a delightful little boy who met all his milestones and did well. Having read many of the stories in your magazine, I considered we were the lucky ones with no major problems or disasters. As time went on though, there were some difficulties both with behaviour and learning. Then my husband (who was our grandson's primary caregiver) was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and became very weak and unwell. After his subsequent death, my grandson's behaviour spiralled out of control, and he became very aggressive and violent towards me, as well as being disrespectful and oppositional in the extreme. Our lives became a nightmare of appointments with professionals, as I tried to figure out what had gone wrong. Eventually he was diagnosed as having an intellectual disability, and some time later as suffering from Foetal Alcohol Effects. Although at last I had some answers and some strategies to work with the behaviour didn't improve, and I was attacked violently on several occasions, needing to call the police more than once. The last attack had two results. I finally agreed to a trial of medication for my grandson, and the process to hold a Family Group Conference was begun. The medication has had very good results, but sadly it was too late for my grandson and me, and the decision at the FGC was that he be put into a foster home. Luckily we can't see the future, but often the problems of our grandchildren will become more evident at puberty, and it is very hard to cope, especially if you are in a sole parent situation.

God bless all of you who are doing such a great job!

Nana B

And another:

My foster grandson has grown up and left home so I no longer need the newsletter you have sent me for many years now. I really thank you for all of these letters. Even though I could never attend any meetings the support I found in just reading the articles and about the problems that others were having, and solving helped so much. I wish I could tell you that everything here was a great success, but I can not. I think the initial damage done to him was too great. I keep hoping that as he matures some of the work we have put in will bear fruit.

Thanks again. Nan C

What my Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Support group means to me

Having traversed the mountain of solo parenting from age 30, experiencing the traumas and dramas of caring for a severely paranoid schizophrenic daughter, I was embracing the thought of some freedom from family responsibility with prospects of travel, and other activities.

Alas this was not to be….. My daughter met and married a shipjumper, they produced a baby, and the father went to Australia when the baby was 2 years old. As my daughter was unable to cope alone, we considered all the other options, with which we were not happy. So by default at age 55, I became a solo parent again. This time to a child on the autistic spectrum, with a diagnosis of Aspergers and post traumatic stress disorder

It has not been an easy path. It has involved Community Mental Health, Child Adolescent Mental Health, Psycho Forensic services, following a kidnapping attempt by her mother and psychotic partner, custody issues, support from the Schizophrenic foundation and now, as age 16 approaches, education support for a specific learner.

Attending Grandparent Raising Grandchildren Support Group meetings has been a most valuable support in understanding the situations of many others, the fact that I am not alone, and there are many families in far worse situations than ourselves. Some of the stories one hears at meetings are heartrending, one wonders how these families have the strength to carry on and face another day. For me, it has been hard to accept my long wished for freedom will probably never become a reality. The wisdom of my two wonderful grandparents who lived through 2 world wars, depression, and widowhood has been a huge source of inspiration. These women made the best of their difficult circumstances, and turned their lives into positive experiences with humour and hard work. My father’s mother wrote in my autograph book when I was 7, “with mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come” – it’s taken 64 years to realise what she meant! We need to carry on hopefully, believing we are making a difference, and one day, in some strange and unexpected way the rewards will come. As a friend once said “it is better to travel hopefully than to arrive”. Maybe being a solo granny is the destination- all be it a different one to the one I had in mind…GG

My six pack:

Morena there, just a quick update while I find 10 minutes of pure bliss.

I now have a six pack, the good news and the not so good news. Finally after 9 years 3 have had their CYF file closed and now I am off to arrange the UCB for them.

The hassles we have had, but never mind it is time for them and I to finally move forward. Then the knock on the door comes. In walks another 2 moko with CYF. Long and short of it all: We now are a six pack.

Number 1 is doing well at unitec studying wants to be a social worker. She is 18 now and my god she is my right arm, she has just grown to know how to do what and when and I would so miss her, she keeps the home fires burning when I am at work. She still helps out with the YMCA in the holidays and is a coordinator on the Peninsula program. She gets paid and then she gets what she needs for herself. She is off to London, Finland and Disneyland on the 3rd of June to perform at the Folk Festival for Kapahaka.

Number 2 is doing well at Intermediate, is a school counselor, and like the older one is also off to Finland with the Kapa Haka. The dramas we have had getting her passport (no thanks to the mother) anyway after finally getting lawyer in on board and the court we found the paper work required then after paying another $150 we now have our fingers crossed that the passport will arrive on time.

Number 3 is at North school and doing well. Plays rugby, loves chess and also waiting for his long needed eye operation which is finally set down for the 26th of May.

Number 4 is also at North school, he is my quieter one, just potters around, but loves school and gone off to Youth church group this morning. He is still undecided what he would like to be involved in.

Numbers 5 and 6 are both the number 1’s little siblings. Early days yet, came with a lot of issues and are helping to permanently send my hair to a neutral grey.

They have settled in at school and will remain under CYF for the time being till we get their lives back on track. It has taken all their lives for CYF to finally decide the best placement for them others that they have been put into were not in the interest of these two moko.

Older No 1 would love to raise them, but as I said she has her life, maybe when she is older (21) then we can look at that as an option. In the meantime they fill the six pack. Then there is me, still working fulltime with Victim Support with the Family Violence Team. Love the job it works in with the kids. As usual the wallet has burnt a hole in the bottom but the girls have their tickets for Finland paid and the little ones still have the power to play Play Station so we are all good.

No time for much freedom but then there is the rugby. Yep you quessed it I am officially the Manager for Rugby Under 10's Open Team. (well at least that is better than being on the Kindergarten committee)

So that is the life of a grandmother as I see it. Mind you I wouldn’t change it for the world. Nanny M

Skinny Jeans:
Do your teen and pre teen girls want these but you find then too expensive. We have discovered at Kmart, leggings (found in the stocking section) which look like denim and have yellow stitching down sides of legs and hem and they look like skinny jeans when on, there are other patterns and materials too . Best of all they cost $14.00. If you do not have a Kmart check out other similar stores in your area.

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information & wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated & happy. Beginning today, when I look at my body in the mirror I will think, Good grief, look how smart I am, I must be a genius!!~

Grandchildren’s Voices:

I have lived with my grandparents for as long as I can remember. They have made the transition from grandparents to parents barely noticeable. They do all the parent stuff, like conferences and homework, yet they always manage to have warm biscuits waiting for us when we get home.

They have given both me and my brother the best life a kid could ask for. We live in the country where we have lots and lots of room to roam and run. We also have a trampoline and our own rooms! They have always been very supportive of us, too. I am a percussionist and in choir at my school, my brother is also involved at school. They have made it to all of our performances.

Chelsea Age 13

Always by my side, impacted me, encouraged me to do things I was afraid to do, Makes me happy inside’ I was a shy little guy, but he told me to be myself. He taught to respect all the people I know. He’s the kind of person that will always be there for you and will never make you feel blue. He is always true no matter what. He has encouraged me to do well in school and have a great life. That’s my goal because that would be the way he would want it. “Dedicated to my Grandfather

Mathra Age 12

Always and forever: a mother, to my mother and her babies. Although I always felt like I was the one with babies. Until one night the police came and set it right. We where all alone and they couldn’t reach my mum on the telephone. They took us out of the dark into the light, at least that’s how I felt that night. With Grandma and Grandpa I felt safe and warm. I couldn’t hear the rain in the storm. I didn’t know how long it would last, and now I am glad that feeling’s past. I may have anger, but its not there fault they didn’t do it, they just get the blow. Because the people who did it, are not around. Sometimes I feel like I wanna smack my parents to the ground. I want to tell my parents, how I feel and ask them what the heck is the deal? Grandma may gripe and grandpa my grump but I love them for their flaws’ and the way they talked about Santa Clause. They taught me something I won’t ever forget; it’s not ok to hurt and hide it, you can always be a kid at heart, it’s never too late to start. I love them so much, they love me and they set me free!

Erika Age 13

I fill (feel) happy about living with my grandma because she buys us clothes and new shoes and she takes us to K Mart and gets us a cake for our birthday because she is a very special grandma and she lets us spend our own money on anything we want. She buys us tickets for the movies. And buys us Easter baskets for Easter and we find our eggs. My grandma makes me fill (feel) glad and very lucky every day. Thank God for Grandmas. Latisha Age 9

DVD ‘Greta’ staring Hilary Duff:D Aged 16

I am a teenage girl and over the last School holidays I watched this movie. It was a wake up call for me I think, I live with my grandparents. Anyways, Greta (Hilary Duff) was sent to live with her grandparents and she was yelling and screaming at them all the time (I do this too) abusive and rude. Her grandmother has a heart attack this is Greta’s wake up call. Slowly but surely she begins to realise how her actions impact on those around her. Her tough girl image is gradually stripped away to reveal the promising young person she is. I can recommend it for any teen girls who are living with their grandparents and who may be doing the same as me.

Growing number of grandparents raising grandchildren

By Carrie Briffett, Communications Officer, Mental Health Foundation www.mindnet.org.nz

Drew* was born with a methamphetamine addiction. His father is in prison and at eight days old his mother gave him to his grandparents to raise him.

That was 10 months ago and his grandmother Susan* says she and her husband care for him and love him as if he were their own son. However, she says it is proving difficult to adopt him, due to the legal rights of his parents, and there is a lingering fear that one day they might want him back.

She fears returning to his parents would have a negative impact on Drew's wellbeing and she also gets depressed at the thought he could be taken from her. "His parents abandoned him but I've got that bond with him and I don't want to lose him," she says. "We have changed our lives dramatically to get this little boy and love him as our own, only to have the fear of him being taken away from us years down the track. I don't think that's fair."

Susan says she wouldn't change her situation but she does find it hard to be the mother of a young child again, after already raising two children of her own. "This should be mine and my husband's time," she says, adding that she is more fortunate than many grandparents in a similar situation. She is just 41 and says she has great family support: when she is feeling low she speaks to her Mum and husband.

Susan adds financial concerns are also a worry. She has recently started receiving the Unsupported Child Benefit (UCB), $134.91 a week for children under five, and points out that many grandparents are of retirement age and would struggle financially to raise a child.

Money worries

This is echoed by Hilary*, who says the benefit she gets to care for her four grandsons, aged between nine and four, doesn't cover even half the cost of raising them. "There is never enough money and my husband and I have dipped into our retirement savings on several occasions just to make ends meet," she says.

Hilary is also concerned about the mental health of her grandsons. "They experience some very dark days such as not socialising with other children, wanting to be alone, being violent, stealing and telling lies. They get depressed or anxious when we have a few hours away from them; they think we are going to abandon them like their parents did," she says. She is particularly concerned about their nine-year-old. "He saw more than his siblings and he was always looking after the other boys when their parents were drunk or fighting," she explains.

Hilary says she doesn't get quality time with her husband and adds that she thinks grandparents raising grandchildren should receive free access to a counsellor, not only for the child but also for themselves. "I cope with these issues alone," she says. "There are no services in our area that I feel I can approach without them asking for money up front."

Common issue

Susan and Hilary's situation is far from rare. A report from the Families Commission in March estimates that 12,000 grandparents in New Zealand are raising one or more of their grandchildren.

The Changing Role of Grandparents report found almost half of all grandparents put their needs and interests on hold to look after their grandchildren, although responses to other questions showed they had done so very willingly.

Another important finding was that grandparents raising their grandchildren were struggling more than those who were not. For example, eight percent of respondents felt the amount of time they spent with their grandchildren put them under pressure. Those respondents were often living with one or more grandchildren.

Call for free counselling

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust NZ backs those findings and Diane Vivian, the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Trust's National Convenor and Founder, says grandparents raising grandchildren often report mental health issues such as depression or anxiety. "It's a huge issue and they need grief counselling," she says. "They often have depression about what their own children have done, as well as the loss of their retirement, and they don't have funding to pay for counselling."

Diane says when it comes to getting professional help, grandparents put their grandchildren first but they often can't even afford to pay for their counselling. "For example, if you have a 15-year-old grandchild, you receive $188.88 a week [UCB] and that must cover every part of that child's existence - clothes, food, doctors' fees and extracurricular activity," she says. "Where is a grandparent going to get money for counselling?

"What I can't understand, when a child needs to be removed from parents in a family court, why is that child not given free counselling to heal that past abuse and hurt?"

Support available

Fortunately members of the Trust do get support from the Trust itself, and from each other. "When someone first enrolls they get a handbook with a lot of information that deals with the issues they face, including taking care of themselves and a list of other organisations they can turn to," Diane says. They also receive the Trust's newsletters, which includes relevant news and members' personal experiences.

In addition, at the Trust's Support Group Co-ordinator Training Programme, held in Auckland on 20 April, the Mental Health Foundation's Northern Development Manager, Amanda Bradley, shared some strategies on coping with children's mental health problems and promoting positive mental health.

Amanda asked participants to think of a resilient person they knew and what qualities this person had. They spoke of optimism and having a sense of purpose in life, among other traits.

Amanda explained using the five Winning Ways to Wellbeing would help create positive wellbeing in all age groups. Bradley emphasized to participants that by focusing on their grandchildren's wellbeing, she was "confident you will raise children who will have the capacity to become the strong and happy people that you have described."

*Names have been changed to protect privacy. You can subscribe to get Mindnet online, www.mindnet.org.nz Permission granted to reproduce 12 May 2010

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Payment of Legal Costs for Permanent Caregivers: CYF Web Site.

What's Important To Us

It is important that caregivers feel valued and supported so that they: provide quality care, provide care for extensive periods and encourage others to become caregivers. To show caregivers they're valued, it is important that we are supportive, communicative and respectful. According to research, the single most important form of caregiver support is that provided by the social worker.

Child, Youth and Family (CYF) must be assured that its caregivers have the continued ability to provide safe and appropriate care for the nation's most vulnerable and at-risk children/young people.

Confirmation of payment of legal fees

Post Permanency

Legal proceedings can be a stressful time for all concerned especially where financial costs are involved. Supporting caregivers through this process with clear accurate information and a minimum of fuss is a key role for the social worker.

Child, Youth and Family (CYF) will pay the agreed reasonable legal fees for caregivers who are seeking legal orders in order to reinforce and secure permanency for a child or young person who is in the custody and/or guardianship of the chief executive. This includes:

caregivers applying for permanency orders in their favour
caregivers seeking orders post permanency for guardianship or contact matters (e.g. a dispute between guardians or to increase or reduce contact with a parent or other person)
caregivers defending an application to vary the permanency orders provided the Manager considers this to be in the child/young person's best interest
child or young person's caregivers and Child, Youth and Family.

Orders supporting permanency can be made under the Care of Children Act 2004 (COCA) or according to other appropriate legislation such as a combination of parenting orders under COCA and residual orders under the CYPF Act.

Social workers can support caregivers by advising them:

to select their own Lawyer/Solicitor, obtain a quote for this work, and provide a copy of this quote:
"that the amount to be paid is based on the hourly rate paid to the Lawyer for Child, and aligned with the Legal Services Agency Guidelines". Relating to the time required to conduct proceedings.
there may also be reasonable disbursements, e.g. faxes, phone, and travel time that CYF will pay in addition to the hourly rate
that the invoice is to clearly state the inclusion of the GST (Government Service Tax) amount.

When the social worker receives the quote, he or she will advise the caregiver understands that site manager approval is required prior to any expenses being paid. The social worker then enters the amount on the client financial plan in CYRAS and seeks approval from the site manager.

Confirmation of payment of legal fees

When the site manager has approved the financial plan, the social worker will advise the caregiver in writing:

the set amount up to which Child, Youth and Family has agreed to pay
the work to be covered, e.g. up to and including mediation, or defended proceedings
that if the fees are likely to exceed the agreed amount, the social worker must be informed, and approval sought, a written quote is required prior to incurring further legal expense
that if further legal fees or extra costs are incurred without prior authority from CYF it will be the responsibility of the caregiver to pay such fees
that the invoice for legal fees must be in the caregivers' name, as they are a party to the proceedings and the client of the Lawyer
that if the caregiver wishes payment of the fees to go directly to the Lawyer, then a copy of the invoice should be sent directly to CYF
the invoice will need to provide bank deposit details of the Lawyer's account if payment by direct credit is required that the above process must be followed for each new court proceeding.

When the social worker receives the invoice, they will arrange for the caregivers' lawyer to be paid, or update the vendor record and submit it to their Manager for vendor approval. If the caregiver is to be paid, the social worker will ensure that the caregiver record has current address and bank details, and arrange for the payment directly to the caregiver.

If there are any discrepancies between the agreed amount and the invoice the social worker consults with their supervisor and/or Child, Youth and Family solicitor before making payment
The CYRAS account code to be used is LEG, s389 Legal Costs.

The social worker will keep in contact with the caregiver and if further legal expenses are anticipated, advises that a further written quote must be received prior to any expenses being incurred. The social worker also consults with their site manager about potential additional expenses, based on a written quote, and if this is agreed, submits a further financial plan.

The CYF site manager will consider the merits of each application (and any additional applications) in relation to the permanency plan for the child/young person.

Post Permanency

Occasionally a parent/guardian or caregiver will make a post permanency application to have the COCA or CYFA orders amended, for example, disputes between guardians or to increase or reduce contact with a parent, or other person.
In these cases CYF will continue to assist with the caregivers reasonable legal fees where this remains consistent with supporting the best interests of the child/young person.

Although CYF may not always consider that the legal proceedings are necessary, the Court is an avenue available to parents/guardians and caregivers to determine care arrangements for the child/young person. It is anticipated that failure to financially support caregivers in future legal proceedings would be extremely rare, such as where caregivers are unreasonably obstructive to contact/access.

These costs will be met by the CYF site nearest to the place where the child/young person in respect of whom the application is made resides.

http://www.practicecentre.cyf.govt.nz/policy/caregivers-support-and-review/resources/payment-of-legal-costs-for-permanent-caregivers.html

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Finding your passion and sharing it to encourage others including your Grandchildren:

And it does not cost anything, its called leading by example. You now are all well aware of my personal, but shared passion for GRG, I have strived to make sure the grandchildren we raise are also giving back to society and do not become a want, want, take, take young person. This is sometimes hard, especially with teens. But I will say our two Grand-daughters do contribute to society, be it dressing up for our local Santa Parade, dressing up to entertain young children less fortunate than themselves, packing food parcels for less needy or something as simple as helping an elderly person get something off a high shelf at the supermarket, or breaking apart those pesky stuck trolley’s..

Recently one of our daughters, who over the years has seen my involvement with GRG and admired what was being done, showed a keen interest in GRG and was elected to the Board as a new young member, on a learning curve, yes she is. She with the other Board members help to ensure the organization’s vision and core beliefs are upheld and enable its succession way into the future, long after us old ones have gone.

Another daughter who has a son with hemophilia (severe bleeding disorder) aged 7 has struggled to come to terms with his condition, she has attended hemophilia camps regularly and has just learnt how to put in a line into the vein, this she is learning as is the young child. She has also recently found her passion and is actively working to spread the word on hemophilia and hopefully assist the organisation. I am so proud of them all. J For those of you that pass on the passion, congratulations, keep it up and those of you that are beginning this journey or had not even thought about it, don’t forget giving back is more important than receiving. And leading by example and encouraging those that ‘watch’ us is very important in making a well rounded young person. Ask yourself who is watching me today and what am I teaching them. This has a pass on effect for their friends and others. We are not saying we are all perfect, we are not, after all we are human, but this is just one thing we all need to consider in our daily lives. Di

What have you done for yourself today?

Grandparents as caregivers: NZ Womans Weekly April 19.

There are 4248 grandparent caregivers signed up to the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Charitable Trust, according to its national convener, Diane Vivian. She says it can be terribly isolating for grandparents who are becoming parents again and it is important they reach out and get help.

There are 40 support groups around the country, but here are some tips from Diane for anyone finding themselves raising their grandchildren:

From day one, set up a routine. Many of these children will have come from unstable environments and they need the order of things happening at a certain time, the same way, every day.

Give lots of hugs and cuddles and assure them they are safe in your house. They may not have felt very secure in their previous home and it is important they know they have finally found somewhere safe.

In many cases if Child, Youth and Family (CYF) are involved there will be access visits granted to the parents, which can be volatile. If you feel this will be the case, do not let them take place in your home. Organise for them to happen elsewhere so your house remains a calm and safe place for the children.

Stay within sight of the children as much as possible. Many of these children will have abandonment issues and will need to be reassured you’re not going to leave them.

Encourage your grandchildren into extra-curricular activities at school to keep them busy and fill up their lives.

Educate yourself as much as possible about different pertinent issues, such as attachment grief, and how to handle them.

Reassure the children it is not their fault the family unit broke down, as often they will blame themselves.

Make a rule that, as much as possible, there will be no adult talk around the children. Don’t talk about their parents in a negative way or expect them to understand the complexity of the issues going on around them.

Be honest, but only to the level of their understanding. They need to know what is going on but keep your explanations simple.

Seek counselling for them and you if necessary. Your GP can refer you or your Citizen’s Advice Bureau will know of counselling services within your community.

Don’t buy into the children’s stress. They may know only one way of getting attention – which is by provoking you until you react with anger. If this happens, keep calm, talk in a monotone and your calmness will filter down to them.

Seek financial information. If the children are going to be cared for by you for the next 12 months and there has been a Family Group Conference, you may be entitled to unsupported child benefit – which is paid through Work and Income. As an example, you could be eligible for $185 a week for caring for a 14-year-old child. You should also ask about the OSCA programme, which helps with childcare costs such as preschool or afterschool care. If the children are under a CYF chief executive they can get board payments from their social worker including clothing allowances, birthday and Christmas money and perhaps other advantages. Keep asking as you may not always be offered this information.

Make use of support groups. Connect with Diane through her trust (website address below). She will send out a handbook that will guide you through every aspect you will face while raising your grandchildren and you will receive a monthly newsletter.

Be aware that families can be divided over your role as caregiver. Family members may offer help that is never forthcoming, or your other children may be upset you are devoting all your energy to one set of grandchildren.

Respite care is available. A new government initiative involves twice-yearly camps where children can go for a six-day holiday and grandparents can have a rest.

Don’t allow yourself to feel isolated. Sometimes friends may not be understanding because your life has gone from revolving around gardening and overseas trips to fish fingers and homework. Reach out to others and get support from like-minded grandparents.

For more information and support contact Diane Vivian at www.raisinggrandchildren.org.nz

- Wendyl Nissen

UK News: May 2010

A ground-breaking case on kinship carer payments could leave local authorities with a huge bill, a social care lawyer has warned.

The High Court ruled that a 64-year-old grandmother who looks after her 15-year-old granddaughter should receive the same payments from Kent Council as foster parents would be entitled to.

The ruling increases the grandmother's weekly payment to £164 from £63.

Social care lawyer Ed Mitchell said: "This case could have big financial implications. Local authorities have just let family carers get on with it and now the court has come down on them and said this is foster care and should be funded accordingly."

If the Kent case sets a precedent, Mitchell said, it could also affect risk assessments.

"It will mean the obligations that are attached to a child who is fostered will kick in for these children who are looked after by family members," he said.

Fostering organisations are pleased with the decision.

"I think it's high time that kinship carers had their properly assessed needs fully met," said Jeffrey Coleman, Southern England Director of the British Association for Adoption and Fostering (BAAF). "The child's needs can't be ignored and if they're as needy as children in foster care, despite being placed with family, the same resources should be provided.

"What we have at the moment is a disjointed system where there are these irrational differences in provision."

Raina Sheridan, chief executive of the Fostering Network, said the court's decision supported her organisation's stance on kinship carers.

"If a child goes to live with a relative because their own parents can’t look after them, the relative should undergo a through assessment to ensure that they will be able to look after the child properly and meet their needs," she said.

"This assessment should include a focus on the financial and practical support the carer and the child need, and if the child considered ‘in need’, their carer should receive an allowance, equivalent to that paid to foster carers, to cover the costs of looking after the child.”

Others have welcomed the judgement, saying it could lead to kinship carers receiving deserved recognition.

"People who offer to help should be given equal opportunities in every way," said Ed Merchant, a freelance assessor who works in kinship care.

Merchant said kinship carers were given the same assessments as other foster carers, but they did not receive any training. He hoped cases like this would lead to changes in the system.

"The requirements aren't the same and that's how local authorities justify paying family members less," he said. "But none of that is in the best interest of the child. Kinship carers should get the same training and the same money."

Kent Council plans to appeal.

Di & Team

National Convenor

heoi ano, na

E te Atua, aroha mai..... O God shower us with love

Ka kite

Can we help you? Members Services

Field Officers:

Alison Cuthbert:

Alison was a Social worker for over 40yrs, 26 of those as a senior social worker for the Royal N.Z Navy. She is able and confidant to attend CYF Family Group Conferences (where practicable) to act as a support person for GRG's. I am an Independent Adoption Counsellor. A Family Court Counsellor working with those who have relationship issues and is familiar with the Family Court procedures related to general counselling and court procedures when applications are being made for who will assume the Primary Care Role for children. Ph 09 445 9671 Toll call, use 0800 345 671

Nola Adams:

Telephone advice can be given on the following topics Justice and Prison system, including Youth Court

Family Court applications: for persons wishing to self-represent: Child Youth and Family representation where practicable/advice. Disability advice and the Schooling system. Nola can be contacted on ph 06 845 3141 Toll call, use 0508 367474

Please feel free to send/email this report on to others whom you think may be interested:

Please pass this on to other grandparents/kin carers you know of.

Disclaimer: Views expressed in this newsletter may not be the views of the GRG Trust.

GRG Trust Head Office hours are 9am-3pm daily. (We raise grandchildren too)

We are a voluntary organisation.

All donations to the GRG Trust are tax deductible.

Abreviations:

GRG – Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

H/O – Head Office

H/B – Handbook

BOT – Board of Trustees

CYF – Child Youth & Family Services

Co’s – Co-ordinator/s

UCB – Unsupported Child Benefit.

WINZ – Work & Income NZ now DWI – Department of Work & Income

Grands – Grandparents

G/c – grandchild/ren

Kin – Kinship Carers

BPS – Business Professional Services. Our out Secretarial Service.

Are your children under CYF?

Do you have trouble getting hold of your Social Worker?

If this is the case then you can call 0508 CARER 0508 227

377 they will then make sure you are spoken to by your

Social Worker and if they are not available then someone

else will talk to you.

Posted: Tue 25 May 2010

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